If you were a girl on the older side of your class...

[Anonymous]

If you were one of the girls who were on the "older" side compared to your peers, how did you like the experience? Did it help with your self-confidence or leadership skills? Or did it make you more self conscious? If you could choose for your daughter, would you make her the younger one or the older one?

I'm asking because I was one of the younger ones in the class, and I did fine, especially academically, but socially, I never got the chance to develop the "leader" side of me. Now we have the option to make DD either one of the youngest or one of the oldest in her class (birthday falls around the cut-off date). I'm leaning towards making her the oldest, but a friend said she was one of the older ones growing up, and was not very happy about it either. Especially around the time girls' body develop, those older girls are a lot more uncomfortable because few others around have experienced it and they become very self conscious and less confident. Is this common observation? DD has a strong personality, and doesn't like others telling her what to do/expect. Should I red shirt her or send her early?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you were one of the girls who were on the "older" side compared to your peers, how did you like the experience? Did it help with your self-confidence or leadership skills? Or did it make you more self conscious? If you could choose for your daughter, would you make her the younger one or the older one?

I'm asking because I was one of the younger ones in the class, and I did fine, especially academically, but socially, I never got the chance to develop the "leader" side of me. Now we have the option to make DD either one of the youngest or one of the oldest in her class (birthday falls around the cut-off date). I'm leaning towards making her the oldest, but a friend said she was one of the older ones growing up, and was not very happy about it either. Especially around the time girls' body develop, those older girls are a lot more uncomfortable because few others around have experienced it and they become very self conscious and less confident. Is this common observation? DD has a strong personality, and doesn't like others telling her what to do/expect. Should I red shirt her or send her early?

I was in the middle so cannot help you. In college I was 19 because I went to high school in another country where high school is 5 years. It did not bother me at all to be a little older in college and there were plenty of older people as well.
My DD was born a few days before the cut off and I am holding her back. However, she does not have the strong personality you are describing. She is more insecure and sensitive and that is why I am doing it. My other DD has a very strong personality and is just more of a tough kid... I would never redshirt her... she is more of a “natural leader”.
Not sure this helps...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you were one of the girls who were on the "older" side compared to your peers, how did you like the experience? Did it help with your self-confidence or leadership skills? Or did it make you more self conscious? If you could choose for your daughter, would you make her the younger one or the older one?

I'm asking because I was one of the younger ones in the class, and I did fine, especially academically, but socially, I never got the chance to develop the "leader" side of me. Now we have the option to make DD either one of the youngest or one of the oldest in her class (birthday falls around the cut-off date). I'm leaning towards making her the oldest, but a friend said she was one of the older ones growing up, and was not very happy about it either. Especially around the time girls' body develop, those older girls are a lot more uncomfortable because few others around have experienced it and they become very self conscious and less confident. Is this common observation? DD has a strong personality, and doesn't like others telling her what to do/expect. Should I red shirt her or send her early?

I was in the middle so cannot help you. In college I was 19 because I went to high school in another country where high school is 5 years. It did not bother me at all to be a little older in college and there were plenty of older people as well.
My DD was born a few days before the cut off and I am holding her back. However, she does not have the strong personality you are describing. She is more insecure and sensitive and that is why I am doing it. My other DD has a very strong personality and is just more of a tough kid... I would never redshirt her... she is more of a “natural leader”.
Not sure this helps...

Also, she was not born close to the cut off so I don’t even have a choice

[Anonymous]

I was the youngest and was very confident and a leader. Not what you asked for but another data point.

[Anonymous]

I was on the older side. My mother purposefully delayed my entry to school because she had been on the younger side and hated it.

I hated it. No, it did not give me leadership skills. Yes, I physically matured before the other girls and it was awful. I did not like always being the oldest and found school boring and was not given enough challenges and opportunities to fail and build resilience. I would not purposefully do the same to my children, although they just missed the cutoff date so I don't really have a choice.

[Anonymous]

I hated it, honestly. I was THE oldest kid in the grade (who was supposed to be there by the calendar)--born three days after cutoff date. In elementary school it didn't matter at all. By middle and high school, I was the first to turn 13, first to turn 16, etc etc. But I was a super late bloomer (didn't develop physically or get first period until age 14), so I hated being the oldest while looking like one of the youngest. Then at 16, everyone was like "You're going to go get your license today, right!?" and I was just not ready. I didn't have the desire for that sort of independence yet, but all year, people were asking me why I was 16 and not yet driving. That might not be such an issue today, especially in a place like the DC area where public transport is good, but I felt so ashamed of myself (while still having the self-awareness to know I wasn't ready for the responsibility of driving yet....but my peers didn't get/know that).

Looking back, I would have been happier if my parents had put me in private school for my first year and then moved me back to public, so I'd be a young kid instead of an old one--but who knows how these things will shake down, right? If I'd been an early bloomer, physically, or if I'd been a confident, extroverted teen, I don't think any of this would have fazed me at all.

You can't really make an informed decision for your kid based on anyone else's experience and without knowing the future. Just look at her personality now, and talk to her teachers, and go from there.

[Anonymous]

I was a leader and also very bored. It was also annoying to be taller and more mature than all the boys.

[Anonymous]

Oh my.... its not about other people or you, its about your daughter. Send her on time. Help her thrive.

[Anonymous]

I was a late October birthday, and although I'm an introvert, I didn't know that as a child and was loud and bossy and full of ideas. I directed plays, was in charge of group projects, president of the grade several times, etc.

My daughter is a late February birthday so among the older ones in her grade, and she has always been the smallest (though now in high school I think there are a couple of girls almost as short as she is) and she is also like me in terms of being bossy and a leader in group projects, organizing walk-outs, on student council, etc.

So I think it's personality rather than month you were born.

[Anonymous]

Yes, make her the oldest.

I have one daughter who is the youngest in her class. I have another daughter who was one of the older (not the oldest), and she has had an easier time. It did not make her a "leader" -- that is an innate skill and nothing you can manipulate by redshirting. But it certainly gave her a sense of maturity that my other daughter doesn't have. good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you were one of the girls who were on the "older" side compared to your peers, how did you like the experience? Did it help with your self-confidence or leadership skills? Or did it make you more self conscious? If you could choose for your daughter, would you make her the younger one or the older one?

I'm asking because I was one of the younger ones in the class, and I did fine, especially academically, but socially, I never got the chance to develop the "leader" side of me. Now we have the option to make DD either one of the youngest or one of the oldest in her class (birthday falls around the cut-off date). I'm leaning towards making her the oldest, but a friend said she was one of the older ones growing up, and was not very happy about it either. Especially around the time girls' body develop, those older girls are a lot more uncomfortable because few others around have experienced it and they become very self conscious and less confident. Is this common observation? DD has a strong personality, and doesn't like others telling her what to do/expect. Should I red shirt her or send her early?

My daughter is one of the older ones and I have asked her about it and yes, she likes being one of the older ones.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you were one of the girls who were on the "older" side compared to your peers, how did you like the experience? Did it help with your self-confidence or leadership skills? Or did it make you more self conscious? If you could choose for your daughter, would you make her the younger one or the older one?

I'm asking because I was one of the younger ones in the class, and I did fine, especially academically, but socially, I never got the chance to develop the "leader" side of me. Now we have the option to make DD either one of the youngest or one of the oldest in her class (birthday falls around the cut-off date). I'm leaning towards making her the oldest, but a friend said she was one of the older ones growing up, and was not very happy about it either. Especially around the time girls' body develop, those older girls are a lot more uncomfortable because few others around have experienced it and they become very self conscious and less confident. Is this common observation? DD has a strong personality, and doesn't like others telling her what to do/expect. Should I red shirt her or send her early?

Should I red shirt her or send her ON TIME?

On time, OP.

Fixed that for you.

I would not want my child to stand out as the tallest, biggest, one who has grown/experienced puberty first - it is too difficult for both girls and boys. Think about it. If anything, send her ON TIME. If your daughter had developmental problems, I could see holding her back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you were one of the girls who were on the "older" side compared to your peers, how did you like the experience? Did it help with your self-confidence or leadership skills? Or did it make you more self conscious? If you could choose for your daughter, would you make her the younger one or the older one?

I'm asking because I was one of the younger ones in the class, and I did fine, especially academically, but socially, I never got the chance to develop the "leader" side of me. Now we have the option to make DD either one of the youngest or one of the oldest in her class (birthday falls around the cut-off date). I'm leaning towards making her the oldest, but a friend said she was one of the older ones growing up, and was not very happy about it either. Especially around the time girls' body develop, those older girls are a lot more uncomfortable because few others around have experienced it and they become very self conscious and less confident. Is this common observation? DD has a strong personality, and doesn't like others telling her what to do/expect. Should I red shirt her or send her early?

My daughter is one of the older ones and I have asked her about it and yes, she likes being one of the older ones.

I should mention that she’s 14.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was a late October birthday, and although I'm an introvert, I didn't know that as a child and was loud and bossy and full of ideas. I directed plays, was in charge of group projects, president of the grade several times, etc.

My daughter is a late February birthday so among the older ones in her grade, and she has always been the smallest (though now in high school I think there are a couple of girls almost as short as she is) and she is also like me in terms of being bossy and a leader in group projects, organizing walk-outs, on student council, etc.

So I think it's personality rather than month you were born.

x10000

Nailed it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was on the older side. My mother purposefully delayed my entry to school because she had been on the younger side and hated it.

I hated it. No, it did not give me leadership skills. Yes, I physically matured before the other girls and it was awful. I did not like always being the oldest and found school boring and was not given enough challenges and opportunities to fail and build resilience. I would not purposefully do the same to my children, although they just missed the cutoff date so I don't really have a choice.

+1