If you were a girl on the older side of your class...

[Anonymous]

Hated being one of the oldest--born a couple of weeks after the cutoff. My kids are in the middle and I'm glad, though reading DCUM when my oldest was in preschool had me worried my spring boy would be the youngest boy in his grade. He isn't. There are tons of summer boys who went on time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you were one of the girls who were on the "older" side compared to your peers, how did you like the experience? Did it help with your self-confidence or leadership skills? Or did it make you more self conscious? If you could choose for your daughter, would you make her the younger one or the older one?

I'm asking because I was one of the younger ones in the class, and I did fine, especially academically, but socially, I never got the chance to develop the "leader" side of me. Now we have the option to make DD either one of the youngest or one of the oldest in her class (birthday falls around the cut-off date). I'm leaning towards making her the oldest, but a friend said she was one of the older ones growing up, and was not very happy about it either. Especially around the time girls' body develop, those older girls are a lot more uncomfortable because few others around have experienced it and they become very self conscious and less confident. Is this common observation? DD has a strong personality, and doesn't like others telling her what to do/expect. Should I red shirt her or send her early?

Should I red shirt her or send her ON TIME?

On time, OP.

Fixed that for you.

I would not want my child to stand out as the tallest, biggest, one who has grown/experienced puberty first - it is too difficult for both girls and boys. Think about it. If anything, send her ON TIME. If your daughter had developmental problems, I could see holding her back.

OP here. DD has an October birthday. ON TIME would mean she's on the older side.

[Anonymous]

I have an October birthday and loved being the oldest.

[Anonymous]

I was on the older side -- just missed the cutoff in my district, then moved to a district with an even later cutoff so that made me even older.

It had good and bad and neutral points.

Good -- I did very very well academically (eventually made it to HYP). Being very smart was big part of my identity, and it gave me a lot of confidence in my abilities. It did not even occur to me that maybe it was easy for me because I could have been in the grade above. The confidence was really helpful.

Bad -- I was taller than a lot of people for several years and it made me feel self-conscious and awkward. Ironically I am petite now.

I guess I was late to develop in puberty because I developed right along with those in my grade and that was never an issue. I was not socially advanced or a leader at all -- rather shy and awkward. I think it's just my personality -- being the oldest/youngest didn't affect it.

[Anonymous]

I was born 4 days after the cutoff and was always a sort of precocious and smart kid, as well as a leader. I HATED being the oldest and wish my parents had sent me to private school for a year or two before transferring me into public. We all pretty much agree this would have been the way to go, though of course hindsight is always 20/20 and it depends a lot on the kid. But, as a super independent and mature young child, it was pretty awful being surrounded by a lot of kids who were in a different place developmentally. I was pretty bored and should have been challenged more. Because I learned quickly and was well behaved, the teachers often relied on me to be their "helper" which meant I usually was placed next to the most poorly behaved, troubled, academically behind boys in the class and told to help them out with their work and set a good example. I think this was to the detriment of my own education, even though I did receive additional work to challenge me with a small group of advanced students outside of the main classroom. That just made me more "different" though and if I would have been more on par with the grade above I think that would have been preferable.

Middle school was terrible, but it often is regardless. I do remember a few 11 year olds talking about how someone we knew had their period and how gross it was. I kept my mouth shut since I was one of the first to get theirs amongst my friends, though I wasn't particularly young (12.5). I did go from being the tallest girl to very average, which I hated because everyone had told me how awesome it was to be tall and thin like I was and then....I'm totally average height. But whatever, this was not super traumatizing, just an example of not being totally in line with peers.

I was bored in school including high school, so I went to study abroad at 16 and never went back. That probably speaks mostly towards my own independent streak, but I had that as a young kid too, so think I would have been totally fine as the youngest in the class. On the flip side, I have a sibling who was always one of the youngest and was a very clingy child with ADHD, tiny in stature, and insecure. Could have been better to redshirt for the younger ages, though they are thriving and did well from about middle school on. Basically depends on personality, but I lean strongly towards it being better to be younger.

[Anonymous]

My on time girl is one of the oldest in her class. She's also one of the smallest, and while she has a lot of friends, she's not a social or academic leader. I can't imagine having pushed for her to go to K earlier, she would really stick out because of her size and she's growing more self-conscious about it every year. But, I don't know that being red-shirted would change her personality and make her a leader.

[Anonymous]

I had an early November birthday and was always one of the oldest in class. Academically, I was very strong in school. Socially, I was extroverted and had lots of friends. Physically, I was one of the shortest kids in school and looked much younger than my peers. The only time that had a big impact on me was during Junior High / middle school years. I was picked on and bullied by older kids for my size.

When in doubt, go on time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you were one of the girls who were on the "older" side compared to your peers, how did you like the experience? Did it help with your self-confidence or leadership skills? Or did it make you more self conscious? If you could choose for your daughter, would you make her the younger one or the older one?

I'm asking because I was one of the younger ones in the class, and I did fine, especially academically, but socially, I never got the chance to develop the "leader" side of me. Now we have the option to make DD either one of the youngest or one of the oldest in her class (birthday falls around the cut-off date). I'm leaning towards making her the oldest, but a friend said she was one of the older ones growing up, and was not very happy about it either. Especially around the time girls' body develop, those older girls are a lot more uncomfortable because few others around have experienced it and they become very self conscious and less confident. Is this common observation? DD has a strong personality, and doesn't like others telling her what to do/expect. Should I red shirt her or send her early?

Should I red shirt her or send her ON TIME?

On time, OP.

Fixed that for you.

I would not want my child to stand out as the tallest, biggest, one who has grown/experienced puberty first - it is too difficult for both girls and boys. Think about it. If anything, send her ON TIME. If your daughter had developmental problems, I could see holding her back.

OP here. DD has an October birthday. ON TIME would mean she's on the older side.

You should send your child to school at the time dictated by her birth date and your school system's requirements unless she has an actual educational issue that makes it advisable to deviate from that schedule.

If and when your child experiences difficulties due to her age or development compared to her classmates, that is the time to help her cope with those challenges by providing whatever support she requires. You are trying to solve problems that may or may not ever exist.

[Anonymous]

On time --- because once you start skewing things to your kid's advantage it messes with your head as a parent.

You will be a better parent, to your daughter, if you just do what you're suppose to do.

[Anonymous]

I skipped a grade in elementary school so was the youngest by far - a whole year, not just the few months that a summer birthday would be.

I didn't like the attention that it brought. It wasn't actually about being youngest, it was about being different. Kids look for things to distinguish, and this was an easy one.

So all other things being equal, I'd pick the path that is least distinguishing for your daughter. Which probably means if she's within the normal cut off range, send her on time.

[Anonymous]

I was one of the youngest in my class - equivalent of a September 25th BD in Virginia. I held multiple leadership positions in junior high and high school - clubs, varsity sports captain, band. I never thought about my age except when everyone else could drive except me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was one of the youngest in my class - equivalent of a September 25th BD in Virginia. I held multiple leadership positions in junior high and high school - clubs, varsity sports captain, band. I never thought about my age except when everyone else could drive except me.

Same here. When it occurred to me to think about my age, it gave me confidence...here I am a year younger than many of my classmates and I’m exceling academically and in sports.

[Anonymous]

More mature. I was older by two weeks and I didn't notice any difference in leadership/puberty, etc. That said, do you really want to send her off to college at 17? My kid is on the older side and I feel much better about sending her off at almost 19.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was on the older side. My mother purposefully delayed my entry to school because she had been on the younger side and hated it.

I hated it. No, it did not give me leadership skills. Yes, I physically matured before the other girls and it was awful. I did not like always being the oldest and found school boring and was not given enough challenges and opportunities to fail and build resilience. I would not purposefully do the same to my children, although they just missed the cutoff date so I don't really have a choice.

+1. And I grew up with a school with anend of December cut off. So I was 6 and a little over a month old when I started with k classmates who didn’t turn 5 until the last day of December. Hated it.

I was a leader, but I don’t think that is a result of my age, but my personality. When I got my period in 5th grade, there weren’t even sanitary product disposals in the restrooms. Kids mercilessly snapped my bras. I was talk because I was older but stopped growing at 12, so I was gangly and awkward for a long time before others shot up.

I was completely over high school midway through and was climbing the walls waiting for it to be over. I was generally compliant kid, but...I sought out older friends that I made at work, particularly when I was 18, which I turned before even entering senior year, and was running around with 20 year olds which was not a genius idea looking back.

[Anonymous]

I was the oldest and I hated it. I felt too tall and developed before everyone else. I would have rather been the youngest.