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My Husban Makes Money Disapear
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Anonymous
| For the last 3 to 4 months my husband has taken large sums out of the ATM last month it came up to $3,000, the month before $3200. He is a stay at home dad. He gets the kids to school and picks them up but doesnt have any income at this time. I am paying the tuition for the kids school and I see additional charges on the credit cards for groceries and resturantes. When I inquire where is the money going he says he doesnt know and he is doing the best he can with the kids and the house. I dont want to be too bit*hy, but with only one income $3000 a month is starting to hurt when it isnt going towards bills or anything that can be explained. Anyone have any suggestions? I dont want to put him on an allowance because I know if the shoe was on the other foot I would make me feel like a child... |
Anonymous
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DH issues me a check every week since I chose to quit my job. If I want more money for personal stuff per week I'm better get a job.
No I don't feel like a child. I feel like an adult that needs to look for a new job as soon as the weekly allowance is less than what I spend per week. |
Anonymous
|
I think you guys needs to sit down and really talk about it, and the fact that having that amount of money unaccounted for each month is making things tight, and that without knowing where it's going, it makes budgeting difficult. I'm a PT SAHM, but that decision was a joint one between my husband and I - if he tried to implement an allowance because he was the one who 'earned' the money, that would be a straight ticket to marital counseling. But there's a big difference between the money earner putting the SAH parent on an allowance, and both parties sitting down, figuring out a budget, and both having to meet it - i.e. BOTH partners being on an equal allowance. I also think each party having purely discretionary spending that they don't have to clear with their spouse is important, but the amount that they get should be equal, and should fit within the budget.
As for practical first steps - perhaps you can set a reasonable ATM limit for both of you for each month, and utilize debit/credit cards more instead of paying cash, so that you can actually track what money is getting spent. Obviously I only think this if you can pay off the balance each month. I do also wonder what changed 3-4 months ago to cause a sudden change in the amount that your DH is spending. If this were going on in my family and the conversation were approached appropriately (i.e. from a point of 'lets figure this out together' and not in an accusatory way) then I know my spouse would have no problem sitting down and working on this together. If he got defensive about the spending, or resisted the idea to use a card more so we could figure out where money was going, *then* I would start to wonder what problem he was hiding from me. |
Anonymous
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drug habit?
Paying his girlfriend's rent? I'm sorry, but 3k a month is major money, in my world.... |
Anonymous
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I am a SAHD. I think this is a large amount to be spending in cash. Whether it is going for something good or bad, I don't know.
I recommend that you ask DH to put charges on the credit card so that you can analyze where the money goes more effectively. I know that my credit card will allow me to categorize spending, which is nice. Budget 100 or 150 a week in cash withdrawals to provide some flexibility where credit cards can't be easily used. |
Anonymous
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3K amount worth of cash in an unfathomable amount of money to go missing, imho. i clearly make less money than you do, but i just cannot cannot cannot imagine how he could fritter away that amount of money. especially if you don't see new things in the house, like a TV or laptop...
op, i hate to say this, but the money is going someplace that he doesn't want to tell you about. maybe it's something benign, like he's giving it to a sibling who is down on their luck. maybe it's something worse, like a gambling problem. this is cause for major worry, imho. |
Anonymous
| I also thought about gambling, women or drugs. But how would he have the time for gambling (using cash) or women if he's with the kids all day? |
Anonymous
| op, how is your marriage? one thing that crossed my mind is that he putting money away because he might be gearing up to ask for a divorce. not trying to be dramatic or alarmist--it really did cross my mind. |
Anonymous
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also agree something is very clearly wrong here.
he's either saving the money in a separate account for some other reason, blowing it on gambling/drugs/women/etc or has some other problem. I just can't see blowing through that amount of cash without it going towards tangible things like bills/new electronics/etc. I'd take away the debit card, make him put it all on credit and maybe give him $50/week or so for other things in cash. Very few places won't take credit- even fast food places do! You could institute this policy as part of a (good) way to establish a budget as you'll see where the money is going. As a plus....you'll see where the mone is going! |
Anonymous
but the kids are in school, cos tuition is being paid...and coke is pricey, but that seems like a lot of money....even takeout dinners for the family at $30 a day shouldn't be more than $600 a month.... |
Anonymous
Oh, that too. Some housewives in other countries stash cash as an insurance policy. |
Anonymous
But you wouldn't be spending $3k in cash without knowing where it all went. |
Anonymous
| call the bank and report the debit card stolen and then ask him about. I think it's either a drug habit or a cash stash to leave the marriage. |
Anonymous
| probably getting massages off craigslist. |
Anonymous
|
Suspicious to say the least.
Depending on your marriage - you know how best to handle this. But something is NOT right. |