What is the purpose of saying this?

[Anonymous]

Single mom to a 2 and 4yo - their dad lives overseas and closest family is half a day’s drive away.

Sometimes I’ll talk to women who say “My husband has been out of town for two days, and I’m going crazy! I don’t know how you do it!” I am not sure how to answer this, and am also not sure what the point of saying this is. FWIW I don’t complain about my situation except to my closest friends, and then only in exceptionally bad days. In general I’m very energetic and productive and happy. So I don’t really get why a person would say this to me.

[Anonymous]

It's supposed to be a compliment - that you manage to juggle everything you do - and they're acknowledging that.

I can see how it might feel a little hurtful to you though, but it's not meant to be.

[Anonymous]

Take it as the compliment they are trying to give you.

[Anonymous]

It's an expression of their own stress and a compliment to you.

[Anonymous]

People are trying to relate. They wanted to complain about doing it alone, remembered you do this on a day to day, felt bad, tried to be respectful. Don't overthink this. Signed single mom.

[Anonymous]

Maybe you’re overthinking? If I said this to someone such as yourself, it would mean I tried a small taste of your everyday and found it very challenging and I am giving you respect and credit for doing something without complaint that I found hard, that you are an awesome mom. I don’t think an answer is required since it isn’t really a question. A response, also not needed but could be a simple thank you. Or maybe it doesn’t feel hard to you because it is your usual. Or some days are easier than others. I don’t understand what is difficult in this exchange, being genuine not snarky.

[Anonymous]

They mean it as a compliment. My dh is a consultant and is gone M-Th every week. About 10 weekends a year he's gone too. I get that comment a lot. I think it's just routine and you get used to doing the routine by yourself nightly. When dh is home I'm shocked at how easy everything is (but also how much mess he makes! My house is way cleaner when he's gone).

And it's okay to complain to friends.

[Anonymous]

Hi OP. I think they are just making conversation and perhaps being self-deprecating. I doubt any of them is thinking of your situation specifically when they say it.

In their defense, having your routine disrupted is, well, disruptive. So if you've arranged your life around two parents and now one is gone, it's hard to feel like things are going smoothly. That doesn't mean these women couldn't function without a spouse, just that they haven't arranged their lives and schedules that way. Their complaints don't invalidate your experience: we can all complain.

Best wishes, I'm sure you're doing great.

[Anonymous]

It's hard to answer this out of context. The person could just be trying to make conversation, or maybe they are trying to relate to you in some way. I could see myself saying something like this as a way of expressing my admiration for you and to be self-deprecating about how I could never handle it.

I don't think you can or should read anything into this. As for how to respond, you probably don't have to. A simple smile or a vague "oh, I'm sure you'd be fine" is plenty. Then just change the subject if you're uncomfortable.

[Anonymous]

Their dad *lives* overseas?

[Anonymous]

It's meant to be a compliment but it doesn't do anything but put space between you and the other person.

Similar:

I couldn't do what you do

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe you’re overthinking? If I said this to someone such as yourself, it would mean I tried a small taste of your everyday and found it very challenging and I am giving you respect and credit for doing something without complaint that I found hard, that you are an awesome mom. I don’t think an answer is required since it isn’t really a question. A response, also not needed but could be a simple thank you. Or maybe it doesn’t feel hard to you because it is your usual. Or some days are easier than others. I don’t understand what is difficult in this exchange, being genuine not snarky.

NP. I'm not OP, but I have a special needs kid, and sometimes when people make comments like "I can't imagine how you do it!" it's off putting and isolating. Like, my life must suck so much they can't even imagine it, except to be glad they are not me.

If someone is genuinely noticing that my life must be hard what would be nicer is if they could just file that amazing revelation away quietly in their own head and reach out to help instead.

But people who think they are giving a compliment are likely to disagree with this.

[Anonymous]

They bow down to your expertise after failing miserably. It's the definition of off-hand. The truth is they could do it but aren't used to it and are impressed by you. It's like lifting weights, some of us are impressed by others and need more practice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Their dad *lives* overseas?

I’m assuming this is the poster who separated in a different country and her XDH lives there still. He apparently cheated on her.

The only answer is “you are awesome”.

[Anonymous]

It’s general conversation. Calm down.