Are your husbands that don't care about keeping in touch with their parents bad husbans?

[Anonymous]

Serious question. All these posts about husbands not doing things at home, clueless about house, kids, helping dw, are they the ones who are detached from their family of origin? Can it be that all of their parents are from hell (dramatically speaking)? If they are not and are just regular people, can such a person truly be a good husband and a father?

[Anonymous]

No. Your hypothesis is incorrect.

[Anonymous]

My dh is as involved with the kids as I am. He is a wonderful husband and father. He isn't good about staying in touch with his parents. I remind him of important dates and urge him to call once a week. His childhood home was dysfunctional, impoverished and neglectful. I don't know how he became the man he is, but I suspect that amongst all the horribleness of his childhood, there must have been love. This is why I appreciate his parents and encourage a relationship with them. That said, we have to insulate ourselves from their continuing dysfunction and the problems it creates.

[Anonymous]

No. My DH is a rockstar husband. He does a full 50% (well maybe 45%). He's a fantastic father and has limitless patience for our kids.

He just can't get it together to visit or call his parents. His parents were good parents too. As soon as we got married he started thinking of his family as him and I. I had a thread semi recently on here about him dropping the ball regarding his parents. I will say though that when he's traveling he doesn't call me either and I plan 100% of our personal vacations.

[Anonymous]

I actually think it's the opposite. The worse the husband, the better the son. I know a few guys who are TERRIBLE husbands, but when their mommy calls, they drop everything and see them. And they complain to their moms about their wives and their parents aren't kind to their wife. I think you can only put one family first- your extended family or your wife and kids.

[Anonymous]

I know there are exceptions but based on my experience and large circle of married friends... most men are terrible about staying in touch with their parents (if they live in another state etc)

[Anonymous]

These days we're all stretched thin. For most men, the parental communication drops on the priority list pretty quickly.

I don't think that makes men terrible sons or bad husbands.

[Anonymous]

No way! Dh honestly does more than his fair share, coaches, cooks, cleans, handles bills and gets the kids ready for bed. He has never been big in contact and will only call parents on their bday and maybe Christmas. They don’t live that far but we see them once a yearish. Love his mom but his dad is rude, bitter and annoying. They don’t reach out much either. When with them he is obviously guarded and uncomfortable the entire time.

[Anonymous]

Bad sons, not bad husbands. This is only makes them bad husbands if they are complicit in any in-law expectations that their wives should be doing this. In other words, if they blame or allow their parents to blame, the wives instead of accepting responsibility for it themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know there are exceptions but based on my experience and large circle of married friends... most men are terrible about staying in touch with their parents (if they live in another state etc)

+1

[Anonymous]

No. He's a stellar husband and father. He doesn't call his parents because they never really fostered a close relationship with him and he thinks they are judgmental people overall.

I agree with PP that DH thinks of his family as me and our kids.

[Anonymous]

How do you know they do not have the "correct" level of interaction with their parents? Who made you the arbiter of how often he should call or visit his parents? Why is he "bad" just because he doesn't do what you think he should?

[Anonymous]

My DH is a great husband and father but he has a very strained relationship with his family.

[Anonymous]

Opposite.

My DH is very good at staying in touch with his parents. But does zero housework. I’m talking nothing. And no, I am not a SAHM.

[Anonymous]

My DH has virtually no contact with this dad. His dad was a terrible husband and an okay father. My DH is an okay husband and father. We'll call that a generational improvement.

DH has a fairly good relationship with his mom. They only talk about once every couple of months but I know that both of them would like to talk more. They genuinely care about each other, though. My DH is a bit lazy and his mom is really busy.