mom friends who just vent to you constantly

[Anonymous]

My friend called me and literally vented at me for 15 minutes straight about how were kids were sick for the past 2 weeks, and so was she, et cetera. I kept saying that it sounds rough and I'm sorry, and glad you are feeling better. My son has a chronic condition, so when she finally came up for air, I mentioned that his symptoms have been flaring since December so that's what we've been focused on. And then...she just says, yeah but he hasn't had to go to the hospital yet...and then right back to her venting about sniffles and colds.....I know it sounds petty, but I just wish people wouldn't be so dismissive.....OKay rant over.

[Anonymous]

I'm in the thick of the stomach flu with my family and I probably did this to my mom last night. Just having a really busy time at work + a sick DH and sick kids. Sometimes you just get so focused on getting through a day that you can't look up and around you and see it's not all about you.

Your point is well made, though. I should make sure I keep this in check. Everyone has their struggles.

[Anonymous]

My best friend who is also a mom did this to me every single day throughout my maternity leave. It was the beginning of the end of our friendship. I couldn’t do it anymore.

[Anonymous]

My good friend always sees the glass half empty and just expects a lot from life. Her complaints take hours, not minutes.

I listen and I just feel lucky to have a more positive outlook on life, despite our own significant family struggles.

[Anonymous]

Sometimes people just need someone to vent to. Relax.

[Anonymous]

Right? OP herself just vented!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes people just need someone to vent to. Relax.

NP. What? Why should OP "relax" and just absorb someone else's stream of complaints? Especially when that person was, in turn, dismissive of OP's problem? People who want to vent need to keep it limited in time and then give the other person a turn. Complaining and venting are means of conveying your negative energy to the other person; it gets exhausting, and too much of it is an unfair burden on the other person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes people just need someone to vent to. Relax.

Hello, OP's friend!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Right? OP herself just vented!

OP vented and also showed empathy towards her friend. Big difference.

[Anonymous]

I’m a venter and I have a lot of venter friends. I find it works best to let just one person get it out of their system, otherwise it turns into a competition and nobody feels heard. The one who initiated gets to vent as long as they want- sometimes it’s 5 minutes, sometimes an hour- then once they get it all out they’re ready to listen to the other person’s problems. Or sometimes I can tell my friend isn’t in a good place to also take on my problems, so I wait untll another day to do my own venting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m a venter and I have a lot of venter friends. I find it works best to let just one person get it out of their system, otherwise it turns into a competition and nobody feels heard. The one who initiated gets to vent as long as they want- sometimes it’s 5 minutes, sometimes an hour- then once they get it all out they’re ready to listen to the other person’s problems. Or sometimes I can tell my friend isn’t in a good place to also take on my problems, so I wait untll another day to do my own venting.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes people just need someone to vent to. Relax.

+1

And isnt that what friends are for? Surely, she was hoping you could commiserate? Be a bit sympathetic even if you personally thought she was dramatic?

OP- why did you feel the need to have to bring up your son's chronic condition right then? Were you trying make it a competition? Remind your friend you are clearly more hardcore than she is? Be dismissive? Trivialize your friend's pent up frustration bc you have it way worse?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a venter and I have a lot of venter friends. I find it works best to let just one person get it out of their system, otherwise it turns into a competition and nobody feels heard. The one who initiated gets to vent as long as they want- sometimes it’s 5 minutes, sometimes an hour- then once they get it all out they’re ready to listen to the other person’s problems. Or sometimes I can tell my friend isn’t in a good place to also take on my problems, so I wait untll another day to do my own venting.

This.

Yep.

I also hate it when people say “that must be so hard for you”. I’d rather they say “ugh I hate it when kids get sick!”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a venter and I have a lot of venter friends. I find it works best to let just one person get it out of their system, otherwise it turns into a competition and nobody feels heard. The one who initiated gets to vent as long as they want- sometimes it’s 5 minutes, sometimes an hour- then once they get it all out they’re ready to listen to the other person’s problems. Or sometimes I can tell my friend isn’t in a good place to also take on my problems, so I wait untll another day to do my own venting.

This.

Yep.

I also hate it when people say “that must be so hard for you”. I’d rather they say “ugh I hate it when kids get sick!”

Completely agree and you expressed an alternative very eloquently. “That must be so hard for you” is feigned empathy and feels dismissive

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a venter and I have a lot of venter friends. I find it works best to let just one person get it out of their system, otherwise it turns into a competition and nobody feels heard. The one who initiated gets to vent as long as they want- sometimes it’s 5 minutes, sometimes an hour- then once they get it all out they’re ready to listen to the other person’s problems. Or sometimes I can tell my friend isn’t in a good place to also take on my problems, so I wait untll another day to do my own venting.

This.

Yep.

I also hate it when people say “that must be so hard for you”. I’d rather they say “ugh I hate it when kids get sick!”

Completely agree and you expressed an alternative very eloquently. “That must be so hard for you” is feigned empathy and feels dismissive

+10000 I cannot stand that line. So fake. Should only be used if intention is to make center feel worse.