mom friends who just vent to you constantly

[Anonymous]

*venter

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes people just need someone to vent to. Relax.

+1

And isnt that what friends are for? Surely, she was hoping you could commiserate? Be a bit sympathetic even if you personally thought she was dramatic?

OP- why did you feel the need to have to bring up your son's chronic condition right then? Were you trying make it a competition? Remind your friend you are clearly more hardcore than she is? Be dismissive? Trivialize your friend's pent up frustration bc you have it way worse?

Op here. Because she asked how my son was doing. That’s why. As I said I was listening the whole time and did not interject until asked.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes people just need someone to vent to. Relax.

+1

And isnt that what friends are for? Surely, she was hoping you could commiserate? Be a bit sympathetic even if you personally thought she was dramatic?

OP- why did you feel the need to have to bring up your son's chronic condition right then? Were you trying make it a competition? Remind your friend you are clearly more hardcore than she is? Be dismissive? Trivialize your friend's pent up frustration bc you have it way worse?

Op here. Because she asked how my son was doing. That’s why. As I said I was listening the whole time and did not interject until asked.

Hmmmm..OP. Has this friend been dismissive of your son’s health in the past? If so I can see why it would be frustrating to listen to her and then feel diminished. People are weird about health stuff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m a venter and I have a lot of venter friends. I find it works best to let just one person get it out of their system, otherwise it turns into a competition and nobody feels heard. The one who initiated gets to vent as long as they want- sometimes it’s 5 minutes, sometimes an hour- then once they get it all out they’re ready to listen to the other person’s problems. Or sometimes I can tell my friend isn’t in a good place to also take on my problems, so I wait untll another day to do my own venting.

Op here. That’s a good perspective

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes people just need someone to vent to. Relax.

+1

And isnt that what friends are for? Surely, she was hoping you could commiserate? Be a bit sympathetic even if you personally thought she was dramatic?

OP- why did you feel the need to have to bring up your son's chronic condition right then? Were you trying make it a competition? Remind your friend you are clearly more hardcore than she is? Be dismissive? Trivialize your friend's pent up frustration bc you have it way worse?

Op here. Because she asked how my son was doing. That’s why. As I said I was listening the whole time and did not interject until asked.

Hmmmm..OP. Has this friend been dismissive of your son’s health in the past? If so I can see why it would be frustrating to listen to her and then feel diminished. People are weird about health stuff.

OP here again. Yes that has happened. Absolutely

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a venter and I have a lot of venter friends. I find it works best to let just one person get it out of their system, otherwise it turns into a competition and nobody feels heard. The one who initiated gets to vent as long as they want- sometimes it’s 5 minutes, sometimes an hour- then once they get it all out they’re ready to listen to the other person’s problems. Or sometimes I can tell my friend isn’t in a good place to also take on my problems, so I wait untll another day to do my own venting.

This.

Yep.

I also hate it when people say “that must be so hard for you”. I’d rather they say “ugh I hate it when kids get sick!”

Completely agree and you expressed an alternative very eloquently. “That must be so hard for you” is feigned empathy and feels dismissive

+10000 I cannot stand that line. So fake. Should only be used if intention is to make center feel worse.

Um, or maybe it's a social cue that you're not picking up on.

I deliver this line, flatly, to friends who call to vent and somehow never get around to asking about me. Like, you know we're facing something much bigger in my family--at least acknowledge it.

I'll allow for a few minutes of venting, but if it is clear that it is all about you and you're not even going to acknowledge the life-altering situation going on in my family, "That must be so hard for you."

If you're hearing this a lot, think about why.

[Anonymous]

2 week illness versus chronic conditions that seems to involve hospitals. That is all

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes people just need someone to vent to. Relax.

+1

And isnt that what friends are for? Surely, she was hoping you could commiserate? Be a bit sympathetic even if you personally thought she was dramatic?

OP- why did you feel the need to have to bring up your son's chronic condition right then? Were you trying make it a competition? Remind your friend you are clearly more hardcore than she is? Be dismissive? Trivialize your friend's pent up frustration bc you have it way worse?

Op here. Because she asked how my son was doing. That’s why. As I said I was listening the whole time and did not interject until asked.

Hmmmm..OP. Has this friend been dismissive of your son’s health in the past? If so I can see why it would be frustrating to listen to her and then feel diminished. People are weird about health stuff.

+1. Parent of child with major illness. Friends can’t relate it to it. Makes them uncomfortable. But everyone can relate to a cold.