Co-parenting Families

[Anonymous]

I am wondering what you think is worse on children for couples who are divorced.

Do you think living in the same house together, separate rooms, where the children know that Mom and Dad are Co-parenting together but not romantically together anymore. Not having to switch house holds every weekend/holidays. Seeing their Parents parent together, and interact with the kids together. But no physical affection.

OR

Switching households every other weekend, knowing Parents aren't together, but not having to see them interact.

If you are from a Divorced family and did one of the above but preferred the other, why and how did it affect you?

[Anonymous]

What you are describing is bird nesting. There are tons of articles on it, and several threads on DCUM about bird nesting.

The alternative arrangement that you propose is not equal to bird nesting. Something more along the lines of a 50/50 split during the week but not a custody schedule where one parent only sees the kids everyone weekend.

It really sounds like you have a hidden agenda the way that you write the post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What you are describing is bird nesting. There are tons of articles on it, and several threads on DCUM about bird nesting.

The alternative arrangement that you propose is not equal to bird nesting. Something more along the lines of a 50/50 split during the week but not a custody schedule where one parent only sees the kids everyone weekend.

It really sounds like you have a hidden agenda the way that you write the post.

Relax. I am honestly just asking for pro's and con's to both. No hidden agenda here. But thank you for the info.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What you are describing is bird nesting. There are tons of articles on it, and several threads on DCUM about bird nesting.

The alternative arrangement that you propose is not equal to bird nesting. Something more along the lines of a 50/50 split during the week but not a custody schedule where one parent only sees the kids everyone weekend.

It really sounds like you have a hidden agenda the way that you write the post.

NP here. I do not see nesting in the OP's description. OP is describing 1) parents who stay together in the house but live separately in the house as roommates (loveless, sexless, affectionate marriage) or 2) regular divorce where kids switch houses every week.

Bird nesting is where the kids stay put and the parents move in and out of the house. That is not what OP is describing.

My kids have scenario #1 and don't know any different. But it is miserable...and finally, after years, we plan to pull the plug and get divorced (and probably not nest...but might for a short period).

[Anonymous]

If you can live with your ex, then sure, stay. It's not easy, but just like loveless marriages, it works. Kids don't need to know anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What you are describing is bird nesting. There are tons of articles on it, and several threads on DCUM about bird nesting.

The alternative arrangement that you propose is not equal to bird nesting. Something more along the lines of a 50/50 split during the week but not a custody schedule where one parent only sees the kids everyone weekend.

It really sounds like you have a hidden agenda the way that you write the post.

NP here. I do not see nesting in the OP's description. OP is describing 1) parents who stay together in the house but live separately in the house as roommates (loveless, sexless, affectionate marriage) or 2) regular divorce where kids switch houses every week.

Bird nesting is where the kids stay put and the parents move in and out of the house. That is not what OP is describing.

My kids have scenario #1 and don't know any different. But it is miserable...and finally, after years, we plan to pull the plug and get divorced (and probably not nest...but might for a short period).

You can bird nest in the same house, parents just have assigned designated spaces.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What you are describing is bird nesting. There are tons of articles on it, and several threads on DCUM about bird nesting.

The alternative arrangement that you propose is not equal to bird nesting. Something more along the lines of a 50/50 split during the week but not a custody schedule where one parent only sees the kids everyone weekend.

It really sounds like you have a hidden agenda the way that you write the post.

NP here. I do not see nesting in the OP's description. OP is describing 1) parents who stay together in the house but live separately in the house as roommates (loveless, sexless, affectionate marriage) or 2) regular divorce where kids switch houses every week.

Bird nesting is where the kids stay put and the parents move in and out of the house. That is not what OP is describing.

My kids have scenario #1 and don't know any different. But it is miserable...and finally, after years, we plan to pull the plug and get divorced (and probably not nest...but might for a short period).

You can bird nest in the same house, parents just have assigned designated spaces.

I would just call that "living together"...not nesting. And people can do that married or divorced (we do it married...and may do it divorced temporarily but not long term). Most "nesting" articles refer to the nest being for the kids and parents rotating in and out of the house...not all living there.

[Anonymous]

Op here. I currently live in the same house as my ex. The kids know we are not together. We live in separate areas.
I was curious if kids had positive experiences from this (having parents in one home, rather than kids having to go to separate homes).

As far as kids seeing the parents happy, is that really a concern of children, in the big scheme of things? I was telling a coworker that I lived this way and her response was, "kids need to see you Happy".

Do my kids really need to see me happy with someone other than their father? I am curious of this because my Kids know their Father and I aren't together, but are they really not benefiting from seeing a happy parent?

[Anonymous]

My ex wanted this but I wanted out. We are so much happier apart but I'm lucky that we are well off. We split custody 50/50 and live 15 minutes apart. We are also friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I currently live in the same house as my ex. The kids know we are not together. We live in separate areas.
I was curious if kids had positive experiences from this (having parents in one home, rather than kids having to go to separate homes).

As far as kids seeing the parents happy, is that really a concern of children, in the big scheme of things? I was telling a coworker that I lived this way and her response was, "kids need to see you Happy".

Do my kids really need to see me happy with someone other than their father? I am curious of this because my Kids know their Father and I aren't together, but are they really not benefiting from seeing a happy parent?

Ignore your coworker. No, your kids do not need to "see you happy" with another man. That coworker should mind their own damn business.

I do what you do in a marriage...we may continue to live this way even in a divorce for awhile but not forever. I have no interest in having my kids "see me happy" with another partner. The kids are the first priority...not another relationship. Your kids are not missing anything by not seeing you with someone else. That is a crazy statement. If you are pretty content, it is fine (and not yelling at your ex all the time and such). Your kids do not need to know about personal relationships. I am sure they are very happy with both parents in the house...even if it is not the perfect loving marriage example.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I currently live in the same house as my ex. The kids know we are not together. We live in separate areas.
I was curious if kids had positive experiences from this (having parents in one home, rather than kids having to go to separate homes).

As far as kids seeing the parents happy, is that really a concern of children, in the big scheme of things? I was telling a coworker that I lived this way and her response was, "kids need to see you Happy".

Do my kids really need to see me happy with someone other than their father? I am curious of this because my Kids know their Father and I aren't together, but are they really not benefiting from seeing a happy parent?

Ignore your coworker. No, your kids do not need to "see you happy" with another man. That coworker should mind their own damn business.

I do what you do in a marriage...we may continue to live this way even in a divorce for awhile but not forever. I have no interest in having my kids "see me happy" with another partner. The kids are the first priority...not another relationship. Your kids are not missing anything by not seeing you with someone else. That is a crazy statement. If you are pretty content, it is fine (and not yelling at your ex all the time and such). Your kids do not need to know about personal relationships. I am sure they are very happy with both parents in the house...even if it is not the perfect loving marriage example.

OP, will you separate households after the kids leave the nest or continue to live together. Will you allow the other partner to date, or bring them home?

[Anonymous]

The most important thing for the kids is:

do not make the kids feel like they need to chose one parent over the other.
Do not use the kids in any way to hurt your ex.
Do not bad-mouth or belittle the other parent.

anything else is a very distant second consideration

[Anonymous]

I'm basically option one. DC are under 3, and DH and I have bedrooms in opposite wings of the house. We eat all meals together, and are affectionate in a familial way. Hugs hello and goodbye, that sorry of thing. As a family, we spend an hour or so daily with DH on weekdays, and one day a week on weekends. Other than that, the kids are with me or already. I don't spend a lot of alone time with DH. We're a pretty happy family unit. We have not had sex in almost 4 years, his choice. I have a friend I see to get some of my needs met.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I currently live in the same house as my ex. The kids know we are not together. We live in separate areas.
I was curious if kids had positive experiences from this (having parents in one home, rather than kids having to go to separate homes).

As far as kids seeing the parents happy, is that really a concern of children, in the big scheme of things? I was telling a coworker that I lived this way and her response was, "kids need to see you Happy".

Do my kids really need to see me happy with someone other than their father? I am curious of this because my Kids know their Father and I aren't together, but are they really not benefiting from seeing a happy parent?

Np: I do think your kids should see both parents happy, but that doesn’t mean with someone else - just happy. I think that regardless of marital status. If one or both of you are visibly miserable that’s not good for anyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I currently live in the same house as my ex. The kids know we are not together. We live in separate areas.
I was curious if kids had positive experiences from this (having parents in one home, rather than kids having to go to separate homes).

As far as kids seeing the parents happy, is that really a concern of children, in the big scheme of things? I was telling a coworker that I lived this way and her response was, "kids need to see you Happy".

Do my kids really need to see me happy with someone other than their father? I am curious of this because my Kids know their Father and I aren't together, but are they really not benefiting from seeing a happy parent?

Np: I do think your kids should see both parents happy, but that doesn’t mean with someone else - just happy. I think that regardless of marital status. If one or both of you are visibly miserable that’s not good for anyone.

Thank you, you're right!