The age-old question: can men and women be friends?

[Anonymous]

Just to throw it out there for conversation: can men and women truly be friends, or does sex (the thought of it, even if nothing physical happens) always get in the way?

For the purposes of this conversation, assume we're talking about straight men and women, as this is obviously not applicable to two people whose sexual orientations aren't compatible.

I think it's very difficult. I take the "When Harry Met Sally" view on it. When both people are single, they're thinking of the other as a potential person to date. When they're in a relationship, the following tends to happen (Billy Crystal):

The person you're involved with can't understand why you need to be friends with the person you're just friends with, like it means something is missing from the relationship and wanted to go outside to get it. Then when you say, 'No, no, no, no, it's not true, nothing is missing from the relationship,' the person you're involved with then accuses you of being secretly attracted to the person you're just friends with, which you probably are - I mean, come on, who the hell are we kidding, let's face it - which brings us back to the earlier rule, which is men and women can't be friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just to throw it out there for conversation: can men and women truly be friends, or does sex (the thought of it, even if nothing physical happens) always get in the way?

For the purposes of this conversation, assume we're talking about straight men and women, as this is obviously not applicable to two people whose sexual orientations aren't compatible.

I think it's very difficult. I take the "When Harry Met Sally" view on it. When both people are single, they're thinking of the other as a potential person to date. When they're in a relationship, the following tends to happen (Billy Crystal):

The person you're involved with can't understand why you need to be friends with the person you're just friends with, like it means something is missing from the relationship and wanted to go outside to get it. Then when you say, 'No, no, no, no, it's not true, nothing is missing from the relationship,' the person you're involved with then accuses you of being secretly attracted to the person you're just friends with, which you probably are - I mean, come on, who the hell are we kidding, let's face it - which brings us back to the earlier rule, which is men and women can't be friends.

I meant to say "when they're both in relationships with other people"

[Anonymous]

Yes. Generally speaking. But where there's a spark there's a fire.
If your n s relationship there should never be a question of whether be that person is more than friends. If there is you need to check your behavior.

[Anonymous]

Of course. I have several male friends but they aren't the same as female friendships.

[Anonymous]

Depends on how thirsty the people involved are

[Anonymous]

Yes.

I have never understood this concept that men and women can't be friends. There are a lot of guys I'm not physically attracted to in the least who are great people and great friends. And I'm sure the feeling is mutual.

[Anonymous]

No. Women are shitty friends. They're only there as long as it’s convenient for them and they get something out of it. Wait until the first time that you need something, or worse after you have relied on them for something, but it’s not convenient for them. Go try that with a female "friend" and tell me how it goes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No. Women are shitty friends. They're only there as long as it’s convenient for them and they get something out of it. Wait until the first time that you need something, or worse after you have relied on them for something, but it’s not convenient for them. Go try that with a female "friend" and tell me how it goes.

So women and men can't be friends, per your "No" answer and also women can't be friends with other women.

That's a lonely life you have.

[Anonymous]

I'm married and I have a bunch of guys friends who are not friends of my husband, though he's met them, and I've never had a problem just being friends. Admittedly, I don't hang out with them like I do with my GF's but I certainly consider them to be friends. They know I'm very happily married so I certainly don't give off any unhappy signals. None of them have ever said or done anything inappropriate and if they do have feelings for me they keep it a secret.

[Anonymous]

Yes, my best friend is a guy. We've been friends since college, well before I met my husband and he met his wife. We have never been sexually involved--he's like a brother to me. We have been one another's "dates" to different events but not in a romantic way. I was in his wedding, he was in mine and we are both friends with one another's spouses. It's totally possible.

[Anonymous]

I had lots of good guy friends, but whenever they had a girlfriend or got married, they distanced themselves from me so wifey wouldn’t feel threatened.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes.

I have never understood this concept that men and women can't be friends. There are a lot of guys I'm not physically attracted to in the least who are great people and great friends. And I'm sure the feeling is mutual.

Except you're not physically attracted to them. What if you were?

[Anonymous]

Totally possible. My best friend from grad school is a guy and there's never been anything between us.

My best work friend is a guy and it's the same. He's married and our spouses and kids are friends too.

[Anonymous]

Because most women have a lower sex drive and (as a consequence) are constantly surrounded by sexually available men, it is relatively easy for women to "partition" most any man into their "friend zone".

It's different for men, who have a higher sex drive and (because of that) fewer sexual opportunities. Most men can't easily be friends with an average-to-good looking woman without also wanting to get into her pants.

[Anonymous]

No.

One is always trying to keep things kosher and arms length and the other is gaming.

Both gaming, then game over