The age-old question: can men and women be friends?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No.

One is always trying to keep things kosher and arms length and the other is gaming.

Both gaming, then game over

OP here. Right.

People in relationships: Be honest with me. Would you be ok with your SO going out alone with a member of the opposite sex (assuming, again, we're talking about heterosexual relationships comprised of straight people)? Even if your relationship is strong, would you honestly be ok with that?

I think I have a strong marriage, but there's a big difference in my mind between my husband saying, "I'm going out for a beer with Jim after work" and "I'm going out for a beer with Linda." Call me insecure, but it's the truth.

You are insecure and that is your truth, which is fine.

My husband has done/does things alone with women, including women who are friends of mine, and it's fine. If he started spending all his free time with Linda or Bob or Big Bird for that matter, it would be a problem for me. But that's not what we're talking about here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes.

I have never understood this concept that men and women can't be friends. There are a lot of guys I'm not physically attracted to in the least who are great people and great friends. And I'm sure the feeling is mutual.

Except you're not physically attracted to them. What if you were?

I suppose if I was blindingly attracted to one of my male friends pre-marriage, I would have eventually tried to date him and either would have or wouldn't have.

Post-marriage, I'll be honest...it's not hard to walk around in the world and not be knocked off my feet by DC-area men in their mid-40s. It's not exactly a bunch that makes it difficult to keep my mind off having sex with them.

[Anonymous]

Yes, of course. Right up until they f**k.

[Anonymous]

Yes. I have several male friends and the thought of them in any other capacity—EW! I know they feel the same about me. Once I went to a concert with a friend and he brought along some guy friend of his I’d never met before. He asked if we’d ever dated in the past and we both made gagging noises.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, they will be friends only if there is no physical attraction from both sides.

+1. I think the other side of this is being comfortable that there is zero attraction on either side. There are guy friends that I’m not attracted to at all. But while I wouldn’t want them to like me that way because it would be awkward, I’m not sure I would want to know I am unttractive to them back when I was single.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No.

One is always trying to keep things kosher and arms length and the other is gaming.

Both gaming, then game over

OP here. Right.

People in relationships: Be honest with me. Would you be ok with your SO going out alone with a member of the opposite sex (assuming, again, we're talking about heterosexual relationships comprised of straight people)? Even if your relationship is strong, would you honestly be ok with that?

I think I have a strong marriage, but there's a big difference in my mind between my husband saying, "I'm going out for a beer with Jim after work" and "I'm going out for a beer with Linda." Call me insecure, but it's the truth.

That depends. If he was making seem like I was not welcome to join them, it would bother me. But if it were an open invitation for me to come along if I wanted, it wouldn't bother me. That's how it is with my best guy friend. When we go out, we are rarely alone, just him and I. Usually our spouses or kids are there too. I have also gone it alone with his wife and he has spent a lot of time alone with my husband. They are good friends as well. As long as everyone is mature about it, there is no reason you can't have opposite sex friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just to throw it out there for conversation: can men and women truly be friends, or does sex (the thought of it, even if nothing physical happens) always get in the way?

For the purposes of this conversation, assume we're talking about straight men and women, as this is obviously not applicable to two people whose sexual orientations aren't compatible.

I think it's very difficult. I take the "When Harry Met Sally" view on it. When both people are single, they're thinking of the other as a potential person to date. When they're in a relationship, the following tends to happen (Billy Crystal):

The person you're involved with can't understand why you need to be friends with the person you're just friends with, like it means something is missing from the relationship and wanted to go outside to get it. Then when you say, 'No, no, no, no, it's not true, nothing is missing from the relationship,' the person you're involved with then accuses you of being secretly attracted to the person you're just friends with, which you probably are - I mean, come on, who the hell are we kidding, let's face it - which brings us back to the earlier rule, which is men and women can't be friends.

I love that movie. That is all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Because most women have a lower sex drive and (as a consequence) are constantly surrounded by sexually available men, it is relatively easy for women to "partition" most any man into their "friend zone".

It's different for men, who have a higher sex drive and (because of that) fewer sexual opportunities. Most men can't easily be friends with an average-to-good looking woman without also wanting to get into her pants.

Interesting theory, probably some truth to it, but I can be friends with a woman and also want to get in her pants. Meaning, I. Not hitting on her, flirting with her, totally platonic but if she were game I would be too. Make sense?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just to throw it out there for conversation: can men and women truly be friends, or does sex (the thought of it, even if nothing physical happens) always get in the way?

For the purposes of this conversation, assume we're talking about straight men and women, as this is obviously not applicable to two people whose sexual orientations aren't compatible.

I think it's very difficult. I take the "When Harry Met Sally" view on it. When both people are single, they're thinking of the other as a potential person to date. When they're in a relationship, the following tends to happen (Billy Crystal):

The person you're involved with can't understand why you need to be friends with the person you're just friends with, like it means something is missing from the relationship and wanted to go outside to get it. Then when you say, 'No, no, no, no, it's not true, nothing is missing from the relationship,' the person you're involved with then accuses you of being secretly attracted to the person you're just friends with, which you probably are - I mean, come on, who the hell are we kidding, let's face it - which brings us back to the earlier rule, which is men and women can't be friends.

Based on my and my DH's experiences. Yes, men and women can be friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had lots of good guy friends, but whenever they had a girlfriend or got married, they distanced themselves from me so wifey wouldn’t feel threatened.

Your probably one of those women who doesn't have female friends. Women are always threatened by your type.

As well they should be. We are usually hotter and more fun than wifey.

[Anonymous]

Depends. I have straight male friends that I am absolutely not attracted to, and it is fine. But I also had another friend tell me that we couldn't be friends because we had too much chemistry.

[Anonymous]

Always thought I was special because I had amazing guy friends for life. Fast forward 25 years. One is a work colleague who I adore and now will only get together with me if we have a wingman/woman. One is my HS best friend who recently said he's always been in love with me. One was a client who I lost touch with, but he found me and texted that I was the one who got away. He asked me to meet him in 3 years (specific time & place) when our kids will be off to college. This has all happened in the last year.

Either I gave them some weird vibe or I'm [i]really[/i] special. HS best friend saddens me the most. We stayed true to this friendship and were confidants for so long.

So the long answer (for me) is no.