Tell me about your long-term FWB arrangement

[Anonymous]

I am busy - in a rigorous graduate program, raising two kids under five, and working twenty hours a week. I’m not in a good place to get into anything serious, and have an arrangement that works for me. I’ve been in an ambiguous (duh) FWB situation for about six months and want to define it as we move forward. Not turn it into a committed relationship, but establish boundaries and ground rules. How to go about? If you’ve BTDT, I’d appreciate the feedback.

[Anonymous]

Establish the boundaries and ground rules you want.
If your “FWB” disagrees, then no harm, no foul, right? It’s not an actual commitment.

Understand what you have, and that you have little control.

[Anonymous]

have a conversation. that's always a good start.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am busy - in a rigorous graduate program, raising two kids under five, and working twenty hours a week. I’m not in a good place to get into anything serious, and have an arrangement that works for me. I’ve been in an ambiguous (duh) FWB situation for about six months and want to define it as we move forward. Not turn it into a committed relationship, but establish boundaries and ground rules. How to go about? If you’ve BTDT, I’d appreciate the feedback.

It's not really a (duh) thing because it's not always ambiguous. Did you start out dating and now you want to say it's just sex? Or it started out as casual and now you think it's getting more serious?

You should probably just talk about it but IMO it's best if your FWB isn't your close friend. In other words, you don't usually hang out clothed alone a lot or have long/deep conversations. If that's happening, you don't have a FWB, you have a half-assed relationship.

[Anonymous]

I have a wonderful FWB. We're going on 8 months now. I'm a full-time single mom, busy professional, etc. so this suits my lifestyle and my desires at the moment. It's uncharted territory for me but in his case, it has been a more common arrangement. He mentioned a former FWB who he saw off and on for 4 years.

We’re honest, open, safe, considerate and respectful of each other’s time (setting up our dates in advance and never cancelling on each other etc.). We never explicitly established any rules but I think have understood them implicitly in a way that works for both of us. We don’t see each other very regularly (it was around once a week during the summer when my son was away, now it’s once every 2-3 weeks), don’t spend time together outside of our sex dates (so I don’t even know if FWB is the right term – maybe lover rather?), don’t do sleepovers (except for once over the summer, but it was inadvertent) and don’t communicate much in between other than to set up our next dates, an occasional friendly hello/joke sharing and a bit of fun sexting every now and then. We’ve never met each other’s friends…hell we barely even know each other’s last names! Yet the time we spend together is divine – generally our dates are 5-6 hour champagne-filled sex romps, filled with lovely and deep conversation (sharing some very personal things), great takeout and THE.BEST.DAMN.SEX.I’VE.EVER.HAD in my life! Lol!

On my end, I know that the keys to not "catching feelings" as often seems to happen in these situations have been these implicit rules and also being mindful of all the deal breakers he comes with – we’re in very different phases in our lives, have very different lifestyles and different values in many regards. Yet I love the time we spend together and hope it will continue in the way it has, until one of us meets someone “serious”.

[Anonymous]

What rules are you trying to set?

[Anonymous]

I had the same FWB for 7 years. I saw him every Monday and every other Friday. We were genuinely friends that had a good time together besides the sex. It filled some emotional needs I would have wanted in a relationship, but without the added stress of commitment. We are still very close today, 6 years later.

[Anonymous]

I've had the same FWB for two years. We are both consultants (different firms) and are at that stage where you are on the road almost the entire week so it is very difficult to be in a good relationship. We get together every couple of weeks at one or the others apartment given we both like to cook. Dinner is always very creative followed by sex that is also very creative! He is a very nice guy but not LTR material at least for me. This is my last year being on the road all of the time and I will hope to find a LTR.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a wonderful FWB. We're going on 8 months now. I'm a full-time single mom, busy professional, etc. so this suits my lifestyle and my desires at the moment. It's uncharted territory for me but in his case, it has been a more common arrangement. He mentioned a former FWB who he saw off and on for 4 years.

We’re honest, open, safe, considerate and respectful of each other’s time (setting up our dates in advance and never cancelling on each other etc.). We never explicitly established any rules but I think have understood them implicitly in a way that works for both of us. We don’t see each other very regularly (it was around once a week during the summer when my son was away, now it’s once every 2-3 weeks), don’t spend time together outside of our sex dates (so I don’t even know if FWB is the right term – maybe lover rather?), don’t do sleepovers (except for once over the summer, but it was inadvertent) and don’t communicate much in between other than to set up our next dates, an occasional friendly hello/joke sharing and a bit of fun sexting every now and then. We’ve never met each other’s friends…hell we barely even know each other’s last names! Yet the time we spend together is divine – generally our dates are 5-6 hour champagne-filled sex romps, filled with lovely and deep conversation (sharing some very personal things), great takeout and THE.BEST.DAMN.SEX.I’VE.EVER.HAD in my life! Lol!

On my end, I know that the keys to not "catching feelings" as often seems to happen in these situations have been these implicit rules and also being mindful of all the deal breakers he comes with – we’re in very different phases in our lives, have very different lifestyles and different values in many regards. Yet I love the time we spend together and hope it will continue in the way it has, until one of us meets someone “serious”.

So I’ve been with mine about 5 months and my experience mirrors yours in that we’ve talked about some of it but we haven’t explicitly defined everything - there’s just an understanding. He’s also by far the best I’ve had. Mostly, its because he’s very tuned in to my enjoyment and enjoys pleasing. Also, he’s fit and VERY well endowed which is a new experience for me. Luckily, he’s good at using his gifts. My only complaint is that I’d like to get together more often. Currently, our calendars only line up once every 1-2 weeks. When we do get together we usually have a bottle of wine and hang out for 3-4 hours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a wonderful FWB. We're going on 8 months now. I'm a full-time single mom, busy professional, etc. so this suits my lifestyle and my desires at the moment. It's uncharted territory for me but in his case, it has been a more common arrangement. He mentioned a former FWB who he saw off and on for 4 years.

We’re honest, open, safe, considerate and respectful of each other’s time (setting up our dates in advance and never cancelling on each other etc.). We never explicitly established any rules but I think have understood them implicitly in a way that works for both of us. We don’t see each other very regularly (it was around once a week during the summer when my son was away, now it’s once every 2-3 weeks), don’t spend time together outside of our sex dates (so I don’t even know if FWB is the right term – maybe lover rather?), don’t do sleepovers (except for once over the summer, but it was inadvertent) and don’t communicate much in between other than to set up our next dates, an occasional friendly hello/joke sharing and a bit of fun sexting every now and then. We’ve never met each other’s friends…hell we barely even know each other’s last names! Yet the time we spend together is divine – generally our dates are 5-6 hour champagne-filled sex romps, filled with lovely and deep conversation (sharing some very personal things), great takeout and THE.BEST.DAMN.SEX.I’VE.EVER.HAD in my life! Lol!

On my end, I know that the keys to not "catching feelings" as often seems to happen in these situations have been these implicit rules and also being mindful of all the deal breakers he comes with – we’re in very different phases in our lives, have very different lifestyles and different values in many regards. Yet I love the time we spend together and hope it will continue in the way it has, until one of us meets someone “serious”.

I am jealous!

[Anonymous]

Mine lives out of state and comes here every so often, every 1-3 months, for business. He stays with me for a couple of days. When he's not here we talk almost every day. Every time he visits I get a speech about how he doesn't want a relationship with anyone because he wants to travel and concentrate on his business. I have started dating someone recently and don't know what I am going to do if that gets more serious...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a wonderful FWB. We're going on 8 months now. I'm a full-time single mom, busy professional, etc. so this suits my lifestyle and my desires at the moment. It's uncharted territory for me but in his case, it has been a more common arrangement. He mentioned a former FWB who he saw off and on for 4 years.

We’re honest, open, safe, considerate and respectful of each other’s time (setting up our dates in advance and never cancelling on each other etc.). We never explicitly established any rules but I think have understood them implicitly in a way that works for both of us. We don’t see each other very regularly (it was around once a week during the summer when my son was away, now it’s once every 2-3 weeks), don’t spend time together outside of our sex dates (so I don’t even know if FWB is the right term – maybe lover rather?), don’t do sleepovers (except for once over the summer, but it was inadvertent) and don’t communicate much in between other than to set up our next dates, an occasional friendly hello/joke sharing and a bit of fun sexting every now and then. We’ve never met each other’s friends…hell we barely even know each other’s last names! Yet the time we spend together is divine – generally our dates are 5-6 hour champagne-filled sex romps, filled with lovely and deep conversation (sharing some very personal things), great takeout and THE.BEST.DAMN.SEX.I’VE.EVER.HAD in my life! Lol!

On my end, I know that the keys to not "catching feelings" as often seems to happen in these situations have been these implicit rules and also being mindful of all the deal breakers he comes with – we’re in very different phases in our lives, have very different lifestyles and different values in many regards. Yet I love the time we spend together and hope it will continue in the way it has, until one of us meets someone “serious”.

Hah, this sounds like the relationship I have with my AP. We only meet once every few months though, as we live in different cities so we only meet with work travel means we're in the same place at the same time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a wonderful FWB. We're going on 8 months now. I'm a full-time single mom, busy professional, etc. so this suits my lifestyle and my desires at the moment. It's uncharted territory for me but in his case, it has been a more common arrangement. He mentioned a former FWB who he saw off and on for 4 years.

We’re honest, open, safe, considerate and respectful of each other’s time (setting up our dates in advance and never cancelling on each other etc.). We never explicitly established any rules but I think have understood them implicitly in a way that works for both of us. We don’t see each other very regularly (it was around once a week during the summer when my son was away, now it’s once every 2-3 weeks), don’t spend time together outside of our sex dates (so I don’t even know if FWB is the right term – maybe lover rather?), don’t do sleepovers (except for once over the summer, but it was inadvertent) and don’t communicate much in between other than to set up our next dates, an occasional friendly hello/joke sharing and a bit of fun sexting every now and then. We’ve never met each other’s friends…hell we barely even know each other’s last names! Yet the time we spend together is divine – generally our dates are 5-6 hour champagne-filled sex romps, filled with lovely and deep conversation (sharing some very personal things), great takeout and THE.BEST.DAMN.SEX.I’VE.EVER.HAD in my life! Lol!

On my end, I know that the keys to not "catching feelings" as often seems to happen in these situations have been these implicit rules and also being mindful of all the deal breakers he comes with – we’re in very different phases in our lives, have very different lifestyles and different values in many regards. Yet I love the time we spend together and hope it will continue in the way it has, until one of us meets someone “serious”.

Hah, this sounds like the relationship I have with my AP. We only meet once every few months though, as we live in different cities so we only meet with work travel means we're in the same place at the same time.

I am jealous of you too!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am busy - in a rigorous graduate program, raising two kids under five, and working twenty hours a week. I’m not in a good place to get into anything serious, and have an arrangement that works for me. I’ve been in an ambiguous (duh) FWB situation for about six months and want to define it as we move forward. Not turn it into a committed relationship, but establish boundaries and ground rules. How to go about? If you’ve BTDT, I’d appreciate the feedback.

Do you pay her by the trick, or is she on retainer for 6 minute increments (if it takes you that long).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a wonderful FWB. We're going on 8 months now. I'm a full-time single mom, busy professional, etc. so this suits my lifestyle and my desires at the moment. It's uncharted territory for me but in his case, it has been a more common arrangement. He mentioned a former FWB who he saw off and on for 4 years.

We’re honest, open, safe, considerate and respectful of each other’s time (setting up our dates in advance and never cancelling on each other etc.). We never explicitly established any rules but I think have understood them implicitly in a way that works for both of us. We don’t see each other very regularly (it was around once a week during the summer when my son was away, now it’s once every 2-3 weeks), don’t spend time together outside of our sex dates (so I don’t even know if FWB is the right term – maybe lover rather?), don’t do sleepovers (except for once over the summer, but it was inadvertent) and don’t communicate much in between other than to set up our next dates, an occasional friendly hello/joke sharing and a bit of fun sexting every now and then. We’ve never met each other’s friends…hell we barely even know each other’s last names! Yet the time we spend together is divine – generally our dates are 5-6 hour champagne-filled sex romps, filled with lovely and deep conversation (sharing some very personal things), great takeout and THE.BEST.DAMN.SEX.I’VE.EVER.HAD in my life! Lol!

On my end, I know that the keys to not "catching feelings" as often seems to happen in these situations have been these implicit rules and also being mindful of all the deal breakers he comes with – we’re in very different phases in our lives, have very different lifestyles and different values in many regards. Yet I love the time we spend together and hope it will continue in the way it has, until one of us meets someone “serious”.

Does he pay you by the trick?