Tell me about your long-term FWB arrangement

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mine lives out of state and comes here every so often, every 1-3 months, for business. He stays with me for a couple of days. When he's not here we talk almost every day. Every time he visits I get a speech about how he doesn't want a relationship with anyone because he wants to travel and concentrate on his business. I have started dating someone recently and don't know what I am going to do if that gets more serious...

Double dip?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a wonderful FWB. We're going on 8 months now. I'm a full-time single mom, busy professional, etc. so this suits my lifestyle and my desires at the moment. It's uncharted territory for me but in his case, it has been a more common arrangement. He mentioned a former FWB who he saw off and on for 4 years.

We’re honest, open, safe, considerate and respectful of each other’s time (setting up our dates in advance and never cancelling on each other etc.). We never explicitly established any rules but I think have understood them implicitly in a way that works for both of us. We don’t see each other very regularly (it was around once a week during the summer when my son was away, now it’s once every 2-3 weeks), don’t spend time together outside of our sex dates (so I don’t even know if FWB is the right term – maybe lover rather?), don’t do sleepovers (except for once over the summer, but it was inadvertent) and don’t communicate much in between other than to set up our next dates, an occasional friendly hello/joke sharing and a bit of fun sexting every now and then. We’ve never met each other’s friends…hell we barely even know each other’s last names! Yet the time we spend together is divine – generally our dates are 5-6 hour champagne-filled sex romps, filled with lovely and deep conversation (sharing some very personal things), great takeout and THE.BEST.DAMN.SEX.I’VE.EVER.HAD in my life! Lol!

On my end, I know that the keys to not "catching feelings" as often seems to happen in these situations have been these implicit rules and also being mindful of all the deal breakers he comes with – we’re in very different phases in our lives, have very different lifestyles and different values in many regards. Yet I love the time we spend together and hope it will continue in the way it has, until one of us meets someone “serious”.

So I’ve been with mine about 5 months and my experience mirrors yours in that we’ve talked about some of it but we haven’t explicitly defined everything - there’s just an understanding. He’s also by far the best I’ve had. Mostly, its because he’s very tuned in to my enjoyment and enjoys pleasing. Also, he’s fit and VERY well endowed which is a new experience for me. Luckily, he’s good at using his gifts. My only complaint is that I’d like to get together more often. Currently, our calendars only line up once every 1-2 weeks. When we do get together we usually have a bottle of wine and hang out for 3-4 hours.

VERY jealous of you!

[Anonymous]

I had a FWB for years. If I had to guess, it was probably five of the seven years I was married. She was married as well. We worked together and just clicked. No pressure, no hang ups, no jealousy, etc. Our arrangement was not the demise of our marriages. We’re still good friends to this day, but have not had sex with each other for a few years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had a FWB for years. If I had to guess, it was probably five of the seven years I was married. She was married as well. We worked together and just clicked. No pressure, no hang ups, no jealousy, etc. Our arrangement was not the demise of our marriages. We’re still good friends to this day, but have not had sex with each other for a few years.

Perfect!

[Anonymous]

I had a FWB for years. If I had to guess, it was probably five of the seven years I was married. She was married as well. We worked together and just clicked. No pressure, no hang ups, no jealousy, etc. Our arrangement was not the demise of our marriages. We’re still good friends to this day, but have not had sex with each other for a few years.

This isn’t a FWB, it’s an AP! Please tell me you understand the difference. And your “arrangement “ definitely contributed to the demise of your marriages, whether or not your spouses knew.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mine lives out of state and comes here every so often, every 1-3 months, for business. He stays with me for a couple of days. When he's not here we talk almost every day. Every time he visits I get a speech about how he doesn't want a relationship with anyone because he wants to travel and concentrate on his business. I have started dating someone recently and don't know what I am going to do if that gets more serious...

Omg I get the same speech at least once a month from my FWB. I assure him I don't want anything serious either with him either. I actually would like to find a boyfriend just not with him. Until then I will enjoy what we have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I had a FWB for years. If I had to guess, it was probably five of the seven years I was married. She was married as well. We worked together and just clicked. No pressure, no hang ups, no jealousy, etc. Our arrangement was not the demise of our marriages. We’re still good friends to this day, but have not had sex with each other for a few years.

This isn’t a FWB, it’s an AP! Please tell me you understand the difference. And your “arrangement “ definitely contributed to the demise of your marriages, whether or not your spouses knew.

Makes sense... Trust me, it was not the demise of my marriage. Our ex’s never knew about us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I had a FWB for years. If I had to guess, it was probably five of the seven years I was married. She was married as well. We worked together and just clicked. No pressure, no hang ups, no jealousy, etc. Our arrangement was not the demise of our marriages. We’re still good friends to this day, but have not had sex with each other for a few years.

This isn’t a FWB, it’s an AP! Please tell me you understand the difference. And your “arrangement “ definitely contributed to the demise of your marriages, whether or not your spouses knew.

Makes sense... Trust me, it was not the demise of my marriage. Our ex’s never knew about us.

Sounds like a wonderful life. Secrets, drama, a Lifetime movie for real.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I had a FWB for years. If I had to guess, it was probably five of the seven years I was married. She was married as well. We worked together and just clicked. No pressure, no hang ups, no jealousy, etc. Our arrangement was not the demise of our marriages. We’re still good friends to this day, but have not had sex with each other for a few years.

This isn’t a FWB, it’s an AP! Please tell me you understand the difference. And your “arrangement “ definitely contributed to the demise of your marriages, whether or not your spouses knew.

Makes sense... Trust me, it was not the demise of my marriage. Our ex’s never knew about us.

Sounds like a wonderful life. Secrets, drama, a Lifetime movie for real.

I will say it was fun. She would wear a skirt to work, with a garters and tease the heck out of me. She’s a really cool woman. Our paths have crossed a few times over the years, a big hug, talk for a few minutes and go our separate ways.

[Anonymous]

Mine is my former secretary of 15 years. she lives in a neighboring state now, so its a month by month thing. Her husband knows.