mom question
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Anonymous
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My parents who are in their 60's are staying over, everything is going okay. I need to ask something about my mom though. If in a conversation, I mention anything....ANYTHING!!! She will come back with something related in her own life or her friend's lives. Is this normal?
Ex: Me: (Just trying to make some conversation) Mom, look at this new blender I bought! You can make smoothies and add some fresh tasting fruits. Mom: My friends have something called an airfryer. Do you have an airfryer? No? Haha Oh all my friends have them so I thought everyone had one. Basically anything I talk about she is in comparison with it or bringing up her equivalent of whatever the things is. Is this normal? |
Anonymous
Oh for goodness sake’s just be patient and be kind and be grateful your mother is still alive to spend time with you. Yes mothers can be annoying sometimes and grate on your nerves. She’s probably just trying to make conversation. Cut her some slack. Yes it’s normal. |
Anonymous
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OP, are you asking because it is different than how she usually interacts? If yes to that, then I would make a note of it to see if it points toward a changing pattern in thoughts/speech.
If it's how things usually are? I'm close to my mom and would find a gentle way to redirect first (e.g., ok cool, but let me tell you about this first, ok?) to see if I could get back on track conversationally, and I might also point it out to her like hey, I've noticed that every time I mention something you seem to change the subject. I'm cordial with my MIL and she frequently redirects when she's worried about my SIL who is an adult with a mess of a life who depends on her parents to fix it. If anyone has anything bad happen to them and tells it to my MIL, she'll say "well, you want to talk about a hard time, you're lucky that (whatever SIL's latest crisis is) didn't happen to you." e.g. Me: I had the flu last week and was pretty wiped. Her: Well be thankful you didn't end up in the hospital for emergency surgery on your intestines like SIL! She can tell you about being sick alright. Me:... so... how 'bout that season finale of CSI?" |
Anonymous
| My MIL is like this. It’s like you didn’t just say what you said at all as she carries on with some anecdote about someone you don’t even know. |
Anonymous
So, she should be interested in your blender, but not her friends' airfryer? I'd wager that your 60+ year old mother has owned a lot of blenders. The air fryer is a newer thing and seems more interesting. At least she is still on-topic with kitchen gadgetry. |
Anonymous
| My mom is in her 70s and does the same thing. It has gotten worse over the years. Every single conversation is turned around to her. |
Anonymous
| It’s annoying but it’s a common way for women to relate to each other conversationally. I find it got worse with my mom once she retired, but she also still tells me stories about things that happened at work 7+ years ago. My MIL is the worst with this and I blame the fact that she was a SAHM and all her kids have been out of the house for 12 years now. She doesn’t read books and doesn’t have hobbies so she doesn’t have much to talk about. But she also can’t stand to be alone or have silence so she will follow me around to house and just keep up a constant monologue about her neighbor’s new drapes or whatever. |
Anonymous
New poster - it’s not about the blender. It’s that the mom can’t talk about OP at all. The proper response is - Do you like the new blender? Is it easy to clean? What do you make in it? Then - have you heard about air dryers? To which OP responds “no, do you have one? Do you like it?” It’s a give and take. My Mom and MIL do this and it’s super annoying. It’s all about them, their neighbor, their friend, their dental hygienist’s dog walker’s niece. |
Anonymous
| She's just making conversation. Not a big deal. |
Anonymous
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I'm a little of A & B. I do this, I bring up things that I relate to the conversation - not necessarily about me but about other people I know. It's the way my brain works to relate things. I *DO* make an effort to the turn around and say something like, "Do you like/recommend it? How often are you using it?" etc.
It's something I personally struggle with because my brain often sidetracks me with "THAT REMINDS ME OF THAT TIME..." and I have to work really hard to keep my mouth shut, nod, and listen. I don't always succeed and end up kicking myself later over how self-centered I sound. I'm young, in my early 30's, so it's not necessarily age. |
Anonymous
| Look, you are treating your mom like she’s never used a blender and you just discovered a miracle. She in return, is asking about something that is new (air fryer) and outside her realm of experience but still an appliance. I remember when my DH’s much much younger sister asked us if we had heard of the Beatles after she made this amazing discovery on iTunes. Ugh, I would much have preferred talking about the newer artists I didn’t know. |
Anonymous
| Be happy to have a mom to talk to even if she does drive you a bit nuts. |
Anonymous
Here, I'll translate the whole conversation for you. You : Mom, look at this new blender I bought! You can make smoothies and add some fresh tasting fruits. Mom: Yeah, its a blender. It blends things. I had one of those 40 years ago. My 40 year old blender had a really powerful motor and a glass container. It still worked when I gave it to you 10 years ago. I guess she is really into kitchen appliances now. Maybe she would like an air fryer for her birthday. Let me see if she has one. You: Rolls eyes. |
Anonymous
| Maybe she is stuck in a conversational rut and just on some formulaic response reaction. It might go away or get worse. Brains are funny that way. |
Anonymous
| Yeah, it’s a sign of narcicism — perhaps not clinically so, but a self-centered world view. It wears very thin. Even if people think this way, you’d hope they’d develop a way to fake better give-and-take in conversation so as to at least give the impression that the other person is valued. |