I can’t support you if you won’t support me
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
| If you have a gravely sick parent, ongoing, and you have an in-law who has yet to ask you how your parent is doing, how do you respond when all they want to do is tell you sob stories about their sick friend? I am so hurt. I’ve always been there to listen and inquire about my inlaw’s issues, but in my biggest time of need for support, they aren’t there for me, and worse, want me to be an ear for the ramblings of yet another sob story. I don’t have it in me anymore. What’s the best way to respond? |
Anonymous
|
I would enjoy being rather rude to them, frankly. Sometimes pointed words are necessary. |
Anonymous
Curious as to what you’d say. I’m just not thinking clearly and actually a little red hot. |
Anonymous
| Do you share what’s going on with your parent? Some people will avoid bringing up potentially sensitive topics, and let the other person bring it up first. If you want to talk about it with them, then do that. Don’t wait to be asked about it. |
Anonymous
| "You know my mom/dad is dying/gravely ill, right? That's taking all my focus right now." |
Anonymous
Oh, they know all about it. And they don’t mind discussing even the most sensitive topics. My husband mentioned my parent in their presence once and they brushed it off completely. But this is there last straw. |
Anonymous
...which means that I do not have the energy to let myself get bogged down in the plight of someone I do not even know, especially when no one has even bothered to ask me how I am coping with my own heartache. I think it is best that you deal with your friend and do not burden me with their situation. |
Anonymous
|
You've posted about this before OP.
They aren't going to be the support you want them to be. |
Anonymous
No, I don’t think I have, at least not this. |
Anonymous
Thank you. |
Anonymous
| My parents are like that. They are all about them. Nothing about anyone else and I bluntly tell them I don't want to hear about their friend who I've never met nor do I think their friend would want them sharing their business. |
Anonymous
| Do you need MIL not to talk to you about the friend, or do you want some specific support, if so, what type? depending of what outcome you want your intervention would be different. |
Anonymous
Unfortunately this is a common scenario. OP, I'm so sorry. A pp had a good quip regarding how your parent's illness is taking all of your focus right now. Your ILs are self-centered, and the only thing they care about is their family and friends. This may be blunt, but they don't consider you to be a full-fledged family member. Once you come to grips with this, things might get easier for you. Stop looking to them for any kind of emotional support. Set your boundaries and don't budge. No, you don't listen to them prattle on about the hardships of people you don't even know anymore. I hope your DH has his eyes wide open about them. |
Anonymous
| OP, do they know your parents very well? Or is it the kind of thing where they met at the wedding 15 years ago and that's about it? Not an excuse, just wondering. |
Anonymous
|
OP, get out of your fantasy world.
Peoples' lives are filled with their own problems. Everyone is fighting a battle. People are not going to prioritize your battle. |