Working with DH is HELL

[Anonymous]

DH and I run a consulting business together and I hate working with him. He is very rude and disrespectful to me at work on a regular basis. He allows resentment from our marriage to spill over into work and it's just hell. The business does better for us than we could do in the job market, so I put up with it. Today we attempted to have a business meeting and he just started screaming at me. I can't take the lack of professionalism and how hard it is to get things done. How should I respond to this type
If behavior? I am unable to do the business alone without his expertise.

[Anonymous]

You take the financial hit and find separate jobs. Your self-respect is not worth more money, OP.

And after you get a good job, you divorce him.

[Anonymous]

You cannot do this. Its not worth the financial gain to subject yourself to this. Find another way to make money

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
You take the financial hit and find separate jobs. Your self-respect is not worth more money, OP.

And after you get a good job, you divorce him.

+1

[Anonymous]

OP here. We are married with 4 kids. I will not be divorcing and we need the money. I need advice for how to respond to such incidents in order to try to curb the behavior. Worse case secnario I will quit and take the financial hit. But I need to make sure
I've exhausted every possible strategy to get things to improve at the business if possible.

[Anonymous]

Then you put your foot down, yell and scream, break something, and tell him he's an abominable jerk and you want a divorce unless he goes to marriage counseling to learn how to communicate respectfully.


These bullies only respond to brute force. We have one in the White House.

[Anonymous]

Uh is he like this as your husband at home?

[Anonymous]

When he does it, I’d be very calm and ask him what’s really bothering him. Tell him I know he’s better than that and the way he treats you is hurtful to you emotionally which undoubtedly also hurts the business. Ask him what’s really bothering him (something must be stressing him out unless he was like that when you dated too) and then listen to what he says. Tell him you’re on the same team and need to work together instead of pulling against each other. Ask him how he’d feel if someone he respected saw him treating you that way or actually treated him that way. Bring it to his attention but as a team at first and see where that takes you.

[Anonymous]

You are equal partners in the business? Do you do similar work or is it hierarchical (he is a consultant and you are his admin)?

I would just tell him he is being completely unprofessional and you wouldn't put up with being spoken to like that at work and you won't put up with it from him either. Tell him to figure out how to treat you respectfully or you are quitting.

[Anonymous]

Don’t respond to the scream, stick to the meeting, if he can’t focus, reschedule.

If you need him to help make a business decision and he’s being an ass, make the decision yourself. If she gets upset, let him know you gave him the opportunity to have his say and he blew it off.

You need to have a spine and not be scared of him bc he will keep pushing you down as far as you let him.

Don’t try and change him to deal with this, change yourself. Make your own demands on how you will be treated and stick to it. You won’t win just trying to appease him.

[Anonymous]

I’ll be the dissenting voice and ask questions. OP are you actually contributing to this business or just being a busy body. No where in your post do you state your direct contributions. You say you can’t do this without him which mean he is the lead.
If I was running a business and someone was bumbling about and jepordizing business I would yell too.

[Anonymous]

Since divorce is out of the question, I would say the only option available would be for the two of you to seek counseling in order for you both to learn better communication skills.

Living AND working together can be very stressful on a marriage.
Hopefully after work or on weekends, you both take some time apart from each other since everyone needs some space from each other.

If he refuses to get counseling, then your only option left is to have a heart-to-heart w/him & convince him that it is vital to both your marriage as well as the business to be able to get along well as a partner.....a functional + successful team.
And in order to achieve this dynamic, he needs to start showing some more respect on his end.

Just my two cents, but I honestly couldn’t remain married to someone who treated me the way you describe your husband is treating you on a daily basis no matter how many children we shared.

The stress + anxiety of everyday living would just suck the life out of me.

[Anonymous]

If you put up with crap, you’re gonna get crap.

[Anonymous]

Does he yell at you and disrespect you at home, too? Or is the work environment bringing this side out?

If he can't learn how to compartmentalize and treat you as a wife at home and a coworker at work then you probably will not be able to continue working together. He might be better off hiring an assistant to help him while you find employment elsewhere.

If he's a loose cannon on the home front, too, then you've got bigger problems.

[Anonymous]

Hire a corporste coach