New BF has a *very* close female friend

[Anonymous]

I've been dating this guy for a few months. He is *wonderful* in almost every aspect and we really connect. But... his best friend is a woman who he's known since he was a kid. He insists nothing has been going on for a long while (apparently they never "dated" but fooled around when they were young). He was extremely forthcoming about all of this. And honestly, it would be fine except for the fact that they can be a bit touchy feely sometimes. Also, she's very very pretty. Also x2, I feel like he's making it a point to not bring her around a lot. Which could be a good thing or a bad thing? I am all for men and women having opposite sex friends and I really like this guy but... am I making a big deal out of nothing?

[Anonymous]

He is in love with her. She isn’t with him but keeps him around to make herself feel good. Run.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He is in love with her. She isn’t with him but keeps him around to make herself feel good. Run.

LOL. I was going to say the exact same thing. OP, come on, this is not going to end well.

[Anonymous]

Well she can’t help what she looks like and he can leave you for someone ugly too.

The other stuff is problematic. Leave him and find a guy who isn’t hoping for his best friend to finally fall in love with him.

[Anonymous]

I’ll be the contrarian. My BF is a guy I grew up with. I was very clear with my now- husband of 18 years that if he had an issue with this, we wouldn’t work.

BF was in our wedding, later married and had a kid, and is like a brother to me. There’s not always an ulterior motive, and to assume otherwise is shitty.

[Anonymous]

My DH had a childhood very close female friend and initially I was worried about it but it just turned out they were very good friends. Were they teen sweet hearts? Maybe. That was 30 years ago and they are still very good friends. Now, she and I are great friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ll be the contrarian. My BF is a guy I grew up with. I was very clear with my now- husband of 18 years that if he had an issue with this, we wouldn’t work.

BF was in our wedding, later married and had a kid, and is like a brother to me. There’s not always an ulterior motive, and to assume otherwise is shitty.

So your situation is nothing like what op described and you should not have replied.

[Anonymous]

She came first. If something was going to happen, it would’ve by now. As the new girl, it’s your choice to stick around and accept the friendship, or decide you can’t deal with it and walk away. I am a woman too by the way. Making him ditch her is not an option to me.

[Anonymous]

There’s a difference between good buddies and like a sibling and previously fooled around, currently touchy-feely, and bf avoiding the ladies spending time together. One is fine. The other is suspect.

[Anonymous]

I would love to here a guys take on this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She came first. If something was going to happen, it would’ve by now. As the new girl, it’s your choice to stick around and accept the friendship, or decide you can’t deal with it and walk away. I am a woman too by the way. Making him ditch her is not an option to me.

DCUM kills me with this. Your boyfriend is supposed to ignore his mom, and his sister . There’s is something wrong with him if he’s close to a female relative. But if it’s a female bestie it’s all she came first and you need to get over it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There’s a difference between good buddies and like a sibling and previously fooled around, currently touchy-feely, and bf avoiding the ladies spending time together. One is fine. The other is suspect.

+1. I imagine that most other people who have an opposite-sex friend or have an SO w/ an opposite-sex friend have more of a sibling relationship, which I think is totally fine. Friendly hug? Fine. Intimate touches? Not so fine. Honestly, the biggest red flag for me is him avoiding you guys seeing each other. That's not someone who is completely comfortable in his buddy/buddy relationship with his friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She came first. If something was going to happen, it would’ve by now. As the new girl, it’s your choice to stick around and accept the friendship, or decide you can’t deal with it and walk away. I am a woman too by the way. Making him ditch her is not an option to me.

DCUM kills me with this. Your boyfriend is supposed to ignore his mom, and his sister . There’s is something wrong with him if he’s close to a female relative. But if it’s a female bestie it’s all she came first and you need to get over it.

PP here and I am firmly in the camp that mom and sister are equally as important as girlfriend/wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would love to here a guys take on this.

My wife has has had a very close guy friend since I first knew her. He's a very nice guy and I've never had a reason to be concerned about their relationship. He was single when I first met him and now he's married with kids. They are still great friends and I'm not so insecure that I worry about it.

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend has female friends there is no flirtatious undertone. What you describe would make me uncomfortable. But I still wouldn’t give a “ her or me” ultimatum. I judge people on their friends/ friendships and spend my time accordingly. I would no longer be spending time with him. Find a guy who is not in love with another woman.