Jealous of a friend getting pregnant on the first try (twice)
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Anonymous
| This is somewhat out of the norm of this board, becuase we don’t want more kids. Took nearly two years, tons of testing with no results, miscarriages, unexplained IF, and finally an IUI to have our one. Amazing kid and in large part because of miscarriages and IF, we don’t want another. But I have a friend who has gotten pregnant on the first try twice and I can’t help but be jealous. Even if we wanted a second, it would likely be a long road. For whatever reason, today has been especially hard, hearing her say she doesn’t want a second but “know[s] it’s the right thing to do for [Her] kid so she doesn’t grow up alone.” Sorry to post this here. I am so lucky to have one rockstar kid. It just hit hard. And I feel really stupid for having this feeling..... |
Anonymous
| Well, the "it's the right thing for my kid so he doesn't grow up alone" is rude considering she probably knows of your struggled and why you are one and done. If she says it again, I'd quip "well, some of us don't have a choice" and that will silence her on the sentiment. But I think it's normal to feel jealous. I eventually got pregnant twice with no intervention- one easy, one took 8 months- and I was still a little jealous of people who had both tries easy. You can't help what you feel. |
Anonymous
| You know, something sounds a bit off about this woman. Keep in mind that anyone can say it happened on the “first try.” It’s an odd thing that some egomaniacal women claim. |
Anonymous
| I think everybody has something when it comes to pregnancy/labor/etc. I also got pregnant twice on the first try, but had to have an induction and C-section with my first and now facing VBAC, so I'm jealous of people who have easy births. I have a sister-in-law who had two super easy births, including one natural, but she can't breastfeed. I have a friend who got pregnant easily, delivered easily, breastfed pretty easily, but her kid has allergies. So... just remember your friend is probably jealous of something in your baby experience, too! |
Anonymous
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It seems a little tone deaf for someone who conceived in two years with one round of IUI, and who has all the healthy children they want, to come to an infertility board to complain that someone had an easier experience than they did.
Instead of focusing on how someone had it easier, think about how much harder it could have been for you. |
Anonymous
| It's tough OP. I haven't had a viable pregnancy yet, and it hurts to see women who can easily conceive and give birth. It's like my body doesn't want to do what biology says it's here for, and I am very envious. And sad. And I think your friend doesn't have much empathy. |
Anonymous
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Everyone has their struggles, OP. Yours have/had been with fertility. I know it’s hard to stomach but based on my many years of experience, everyone has something (whether you can see it / know it or not) that they deal with in their time on earth. As crazy as it may sound, its possible that in time you may grow to appreciate the struggles you had as they will be in your distant past, while others will be hit with life’s curveballs.
Hug your fantastic kid and focus on the great things you have. It’s good to acknowledge these feelings you have - which are natural! - but try not to dwell on them. |
Anonymous
| Thanks all— I am usually fine with all of this. Not having a second is hugely dictated by not wanting to do fertility treatments again (it was 4 iuis, by the way, not just one, 19:45– we know it could have been way worse. Multiple miscarriages are no picnic as it was but we’re lucky to have our one) or deal with the very real possibility of losing another pregnancy. It just hit hard today. |
Anonymous
Yep! Pregnant on the first try, natural birth, and then spent $1200 out of pocket on breastfeeding consultants, bought three different pumps, and then just gave up and formula fed at 5 months. You can’t have everything. (We are TTC #2 and are having no luck yet.) |
Anonymous
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Did your friend tell you directly that it was easy for her to get pregnant? And did she know of your struggle? If yes to both, then she is
an insensitive friend. |
Anonymous
| I got pregnant on the first try with my son, super easy pregnancy and delivery, and started TTC #2 when he was 10 months old. He is now 5.5 years old and I have never been pregnant again, we did 4 IUIs and 4 IVFs. We are still trying, but it's hopeless that I will ever be pregnant again. Someone might envy my easy time getting pregnant, easy pregnancy and delivery but they definitely don't envy my failures trying to get pregnant a second time since I will never be able to have any more children. |
Anonymous
| During the time we were trying and dealing with infertility my sister and my two best friends both had two kids. It’s hard, but focus in on your sweet angel. I think until one struggles with infertility it’s hard to grasp the pain that the announcements can cause. |
Anonymous
Plus 1 |
Anonymous
|
OP, and I mean this with the most gentle of intentions, maybe she honestly wasn’t expecting another, and is trying to justify it.
As someone who has been in her shoes (if she honestly wasn’t planning on another) I get it. I’m sorry it hurts, I’m sure she didn’t have malicious intentions and was just focused on herself. |
Anonymous
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For what it's worth, the whole "growing up alone" comment she made to you pisses me the eff off.
Also, I agree with the PP - just because she says it was her first try doesn't make it true. In my experience, most people don't tell you how many "tries" it took. Its tacky AF. |