Do you host your DH's family (and other related questions)?
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Anonymous
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Friends tell me that they do not host their DH's family. Sometimes the friends will attend their own families' holidays, for example. I don't want separate holidays, but if you and your ILs alternate hosting, are you okay with hosting your ILs twice per year? Details: There are about 20 of them, we do not usually see each other otherwise, are not particularly close, but get along well enough. I think my friends' point is that there are 20 of them who could potentially host (though only a few actually do host), and it is not your family, so why do all the work (when you are not close to them, anyway)? Do you go along with this way of thinking?
Additional detail that threw me off a bit: We are "the more the merrier" type family, when it comes to our close friends that we know and love. When we host the ILs at our house, there are often extra people brought along (that part is fine - next part is not  that like to "tour" (???) our modest house. I don't know them and will never see them again - and our house is on the small side, nothing fancy, and nothing to "tour". It happens to be a small, original house in a knock down neighborhood (ie: our house is the furthest thing from HGTV, which works for us, but not everyone). I think that, because there are new houses popping up around us, people expect fancy this or fancy that, given them wanting a "tour"? My family and friends are not the "tour" other people's houses type of people, so I am not sure that I understand the concept - and I definitely do not understand poking around someone's house/bedrooms/closets/whatever that you just met and will never see again. To me, the house is personal space, and guests stay "where the party is taking place". I feel like it is rude and awkward. For those of you who feel that way, how do you handle it (assuming it happens)? Should I send them to the neighbor's beautiful house for a "tour"? Kidding, not kidding. Advice?
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Anonymous
| "smile" should be a colon, not sure how that happened. |
Anonymous
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Sorry, our upstairs (bedrooms) are not guest tour ready today. More egg nogg?
I would not give any tours period. It's rude to request it, unless the host offers. If they have no manners, then a more or less flat no should suffice. I don't get why you host 20 people plus random guests of these 20 people twice a year in your small house? It seems kinda crazy, but to each their own. |
Anonymous
| Yes, and people that do not are selfish. |
Anonymous
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Very rarely because our families live in Europe and don't usually travel to see us. So when they do, we do our best to accommodate them. We live in a tiny old house in an expensive neighborhood. I have nothing to hide. I own my mess!
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Anonymous
| Well, my first set of in-laws could order crab cakes in an Annapolis restaurant, but not eat Thanksgiving at my house because it wasn’t kosher, so I was relieved that my current MIL only wants chicory coffee. |
Anonymous
| I don’t think you can compare to friends. Every family is different. Apples and oranges. |
Anonymous
| Yes. Every year. |
Anonymous
| Is it not your DH’s house too? This seems weird. It’s one thing if there are extenuating circumstances (eg abuse), but just to say “mine only” makes the spouse a selfish uncharitable person. |
Anonymous
| If you don't want to give a tour, you have every right to say "Not today!" Lock the bedroom doors beforehand f you think people will venture upstairs without asking. |
Anonymous
| There is no difference in hosting my parents vs my husband’s parents. They are all family. Of course we host them. The other part of your post is odd. Why are there strangers visiting your home? |
Anonymous
Are you referring to people who do not host, or people who do not give tours? |
Anonymous
Someone who hosts their family but not their spouses family. I don't care about tours. Our house is small so not much to see. |
Anonymous
OP here. We are (truly) the "more the merrier" types, very social. We just happen to be closer (emotionally) to our friends, and to my family (ILs are not the warm and fuzzy type, but that is another post - we like them well enough). So, if someone asks to bring a friend for the holiday, we don't ask any questions, we just say "sure!" We want everyone to feel welcome in our home - including us! Most of my friends let the ILs do the work for the holidays, if there are many more of the ILs than not, not sure why. |
Anonymous
Do people ask/expect tours? I've never heard of that. |