Mid-life Meltdown

[Anonymous]

I’m a female in my early 50s, single, no kids. I have a great job that I love. The last year I have felt that I have no purpose, I have no idea what my life is about other than feeling like a hamster on the wheel. I’m trying to figure out what I’m supposed to be doing with my life? My anxiety level is sky high, I’m a bit depressed and am really struggling. I’m seeing my therapist on a regular basis but so far I’m not feeling any better. Has anyone else felt like this at this stage of their life? Any words of wisdom?

[Anonymous]

Sorry, OP. Could you start new hobbies or join a Meetup about something you’re interested in? Or take a class, there are tons of classes in this area: drawing (Smithsonian), nature (Audubon Naturalist Society), writing (Writer’s Centwr), bookbinding (Pyramid Atlantic), and so much more. Or find a way to volunteer for a cause you’re passionate about. What’s on your bucket list?

I’m in a caregiving sandwich and don’t have time to think about my own life, but not sure that’s better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, OP. Could you start new hobbies or join a Meetup about something you’re interested in? Or take a class, there are tons of classes in this area: drawing (Smithsonian), nature (Audubon Naturalist Society), writing (Writer’s Centwr), bookbinding (Pyramid Atlantic), and so much more. Or find a way to volunteer for a cause you’re passionate about. What’s on your bucket list?

I’m in a caregiving sandwich and don’t have time to think about my own life, but not sure that’s better.

Op here, thanks for the feedback. I forgot to mention I am my parents caregiver as well. So, I don’t have a lot of time but I need to do something for myself every now and then. You had some good suggestions.

[Anonymous]

Try meds.

And plan things that make you happy.

[Anonymous]

I wish I was in your situation. Unfortunately I am the sole provider for my family of teens (DS has issues and has had very minimal income for over a decade). I do not enjoy my job but at this point it's tough to make a change.

Why don't you try learning a new language?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Try meds.

And plan things that make you happy.

Agree 100%. Medication for my anxiety and depression helped me. As does always having something to look forward to.

[Anonymous]

Can you plan to spend some time with close friends?
You would probably enjoy doing some volunteer work with animals or maybe children.

[Anonymous]

Yes. I felt this way in my early 30s. Everyone was getting married and having kids, and although I was in a good relationship and had a great job, I could only see many years stretching ahead with no real purpose.

I ended up having kids, and it's true that they provide kind of an automatic compass. But they're not the only answer. I believe at heart this is a call to get beyond oneself. I'm an introvert, so I'm not one to suggest diving into tons of social situations, but if you think in terms of what you can offer to the world, that can help. What can your unique talents and situation help you accomplish?

Also: travel! You're in a great position to do so. Seeing other parts of the world and different cultures makes you think about life like few other experiences. It may also lead you to make changes back home that will get you off that hamster wheel.

[Anonymous]

I have felt some of the same things and I think it’s menopause. Have you talked with a doctor who is knowledgeable about this?

[Anonymous]

Get out of your comfort zone, OP. Do something different. Join a travel group. My best friend just got divorced at 55, no kids, and she's completely at loose ends. She quit her job after inheriting a pile of money, so she started out by decorating her house, and visiting friends, and doing some charity work, and then she suddenly changed and really started helping people by working for a serious charity for indigent kids. She is a volunteer, but she really devotes her life to this work, and she is so, so happy. No husband, no kids, not much family, but she has meaningful purpose every day. And she joined a church, and uses her money to travel with a museum group, through which she's met a lot of people, including a man she's begun dating. You have to move out of your circles, comfortable as they may be, OP, and find something new to occupy you. It's hard, I know. I'm transforming my life right now, and I've never been happier, even though it's a huge struggle. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Me too OP. I'm married, but think part of my issue is menopause and part is I'm just tired of what I am doing at work and wonder what my purpose here is.

No one ever warned me how much all the hormonal changes before, during, and after menopause can really matter.

[Anonymous]

Op here, thank you all for the comments, suggestions and feedback. I did forget to mention that I am menopausal and was wondering if part of my issue is hormones? I’m actually seeing my OB in a few weeks as well as my psychiatrist. I’ve been on Celexa for anxiety for years now and am currently on HRT. I’m wondering if perhaps something needs to be tweaked? Regardless, I also need to add some other things to my life to fill the void I’m feeling.

[Anonymous]

Create a purpose. Aimless and purposeless life will get very tough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Me too OP. I'm married, but think part of my issue is menopause and part is I'm just tired of what I am doing at work and wonder what my purpose here is.

No one ever warned me how much all the hormonal changes before, during, and after menopause can really matter.

Menopause is a heartless bitch.

[Anonymous]

Younger Next Year is a great book to read if you want to improve this next phase of your life.

If you're a woman, books about "second acts" -- i.e., A Glorious Freedom, A Life Reimagined, Finding Your Own North Star, all books by Brene Brown