Mid-life Meltdown

[Anonymous]

What makes you happy, OP? Travel? Activities? Being around kids? Being in a relationship?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here, thank you all for the comments, suggestions and feedback. I did forget to mention that I am menopausal and was wondering if part of my issue is hormones? I’m actually seeing my OB in a few weeks as well as my psychiatrist. I’ve been on Celexa for anxiety for years now and am currently on HRT. I’m wondering if perhaps something needs to be tweaked? Regardless, I also need to add some other things to my life to fill the void I’m feeling.

My SIL is a nurse and said that without a doubt, hormones play a role.

[Anonymous]

We are no different than a tree or an ant. They don’t have any purpose.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are no different than a tree or an ant. They don’t have any purpose.

That’s uplifting!

[Anonymous]

OP, focus on meaning, not happiness. My view: we are put here on earth to make the world a little better. There are many ways to do that: through many kinds of work, through volunteering, through being a good parent who brings up children who will themselves make the world better, etc.

Ask yourself: are you helping others? Are you making the world better? Finding hobbies or taking anti-depressants are well and good but neither will help with that.

Take in foster kids. Or foster animals. Or teach adult literacy classes, or become an advocate for the homeless, or build trails in national parks. Do things that bring you into contact with other people who care about the world, that leave you feeling like you made a difference. That's usually the best cure.

[Anonymous]

Hi OP.
51 mom of 3, so so career, feeling similar to you. Just kind of the opposite-unfulfilled professionally.
I have a masters in a helping profession, started working, then by the time my 2nd kid was born, stayed home for a while, had a third kid. Went back to work when she turned 5 but in a related, fun but not high powered/not high paying job. Now I am back to my profession (it is a do good kind of position working with children so that is good) but feel like I should be much further along, should be making more $$ etc.

So my kids are great, and I did put in a lot of effort to help them be who they are. They are late teens now and busy, mostly self sufficient for day to day life (get to/from school, can make themselves a meal, babysit, do well in school on their own, etc) and I am left thinking what my purpose is now. They don't need me as much but I don't have a great career to focus on.

I know I shouldn't complain but I look around and see moms with similar age kids with big jobs, prestigious positions, awards, big paychecks etc. and I can't help but think I was lazy or did something wrong.

Next time I get a physical, I think I will ask about depression.

Anyway, OP, life is long, sometimes tough, be kind to yourself. Find what makes you happy and makes you feel like you are doing something good for the world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi OP.
51 mom of 3, so so career, feeling similar to you. Just kind of the opposite-unfulfilled professionally.
I have a masters in a helping profession, started working, then by the time my 2nd kid was born, stayed home for a while, had a third kid. Went back to work when she turned 5 but in a related, fun but not high powered/not high paying job. Now I am back to my profession (it is a do good kind of position working with children so that is good) but feel like I should be much further along, should be making more $$ etc.

So my kids are great, and I did put in a lot of effort to help them be who they are. They are late teens now and busy, mostly self sufficient for day to day life (get to/from school, can make themselves a meal, babysit, do well in school on their own, etc) and I am left thinking what my purpose is now. They don't need me as much but I don't have a great career to focus on.

I know I shouldn't complain but I look around and see moms with similar age kids with big jobs, prestigious positions, awards, big paychecks etc. and I can't help but think I was lazy or did something wrong.

Next time I get a physical, I think I will ask about depression.

Anyway, OP, life is long, sometimes tough, be kind to yourself. Find what makes you happy and makes you feel like you are doing something good for the world.

Op here, thank you for this. I think one of the main things that stuck out from your post is “ be kind to yourself “. I’ve always been very hard on myself about everything and I need to learn how to be kinder to me.

[Anonymous]

New Years resolution to all: Be Kind to yourself

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m a female in my early 50s, single, no kids. I have a great job that I love. The last year I have felt that I have no purpose, I have no idea what my life is about other than feeling like a hamster on the wheel. I’m trying to figure out what I’m supposed to be doing with my life? My anxiety level is sky high, I’m a bit depressed and am really struggling. I’m seeing my therapist on a regular basis but so far I’m not feeling any better. Has anyone else felt like this at this stage of their life? Any words of wisdom?

A job is meaningless

Only in DCUM land do people equate a job with life

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m a female in my early 50s, single, no kids. I have a great job that I love. The last year I have felt that I have no purpose, I have no idea what my life is about other than feeling like a hamster on the wheel. I’m trying to figure out what I’m supposed to be doing with my life? My anxiety level is sky high, I’m a bit depressed and am really struggling. I’m seeing my therapist on a regular basis but so far I’m not feeling any better. Has anyone else felt like this at this stage of their life? Any words of wisdom?

OP, I could have written your post. In fact I came on this site to do just that. And, I am also quite sure hormones are involved. I wonder if you might share how you found your therapist as I have reached a point where I need some expert advice and am not ready to turn to medication.

Thanks

[Anonymous]

I think taking care of aging parents contributes too with the hormones. I am sandwiched and seeing the end up close is pretty depressing.

[Anonymous]

Red Red Wine...helps

[Anonymous]

Early 50s. Single parent to teens that are becoming more self-sufficient.

I have re-discovered my love for reading. Started eating better. Bought an exercise machine. Started exercise classes at Parks and Rec. Joined a new volunteer opportunity. I "make" myself reach out to one friend/acquaintance every week to make plans for coffee or lunch or whatever. I am a bit shy and introverted so reaching out like that is a bit challenging for me but I have found that almost everyone has been thrilled with an invitation. Seems like that there are a lot of lonely people.

It has really helped. My health has improved dramatically.

Start with small things and "make" yourself follow through. Start a book club.

[Anonymous]

Get a boyfriend

[Anonymous]

Op, you are not connected/obligated to a partner or children. It is usually obligations that define us. Are your parents living? Siblings? Who matters to you? It can't be just about work/work friends/casual friends. That's not deep enough.