Making someone feel obligated to send gifts?

[Anonymous]

I don't know where to put this question, so I'm sticking it here because it has to do with my kids.

We moved out of state 3 years ago. Our former neighbor was lovely woman, around 60 years old, without kids. My children loved her and she loved them. When we moved, my kids were 20 months and 3 years old.

Now we have 3 kids, and my kids are 6 and 4. They don't remember her.

She still sends the kids each a bday present (including the new baby) and a big Xmas box. This is the sweetest thing, and she is lovely to do it. I worry that she feels obligated however, because sometimes, if I haven't heard from her, I'll shoot her an email just asking how's she's doing, and I"ll usually include some pics of the kids because she enjoys seeing them. I also send her a Xmas card.

I feel like if I stopped communicating with her (Because we never see her in person or talk on the phone) she will stop sending presents. But, I don't want to hurt her feelings and I think she enjoys our infrequent contact.

I just don't want her to feel obligated to send presents or have her think that I'm keeping up the communication solely for the gifts she sends.

What would you do? I'm sure I'm overthinking this.

[Anonymous]

I think what you are doing is nice and she clearly enjoys the contact and feeling a connection. If you were saying things like “the kids are wearing size 7 now” or “they love magnetized” it might seem like you were asking for gifts. But her sending because you say hi or email seems like she likes doing it. Buying kids stuff is fun when you don’t have them and don’t have to do it a lot.

[Anonymous]

I agree. So long as you aren't dropping hints about what to buy the kids, I think it's nice to keep in contact. I doubt that she feels obligated to buy gifts because you send her a Christmas card and ask how's she doing from time to time.

[Anonymous]

OP here - I am definitely not dropping hints about gifts they'd like. I'm horrified even thinking about doing that! I just send a hey what's up email every now and again and ask about our old neighbors and neighborhood, ask about her health and her job, and tell her bits and pieces about the kiddos. And I send a few pictures.

[Anonymous]

Keep on...i'm sure shopping for your kids is something she enjoys and looks forward to, it's obviously not expected by your family. Just send nice thank you notes and don't worry about it!