Post-40 Divorce Question

[Anonymous]

43 Woman here. Feeling really down right now as I am going through a separation. Relationship is irreparably broken due to multiple serious factors so not getting back together.

If you divorced in your 40s, how hard was it to date? Any women get married again after divorce?

[Anonymous]

Don't get ahead of yourself. You need to focus on you for a while. And on helping your kids, if any, get through this difficult time.

[Anonymous]

I divorced at 43, that was 3 yrs ago. Honestly yes it’s hard to date. I have 2 Elem kids. They are my priority. I don’t have that much free time so it’s very precious to me. Many free nights I would rather relax with friends or even watch tv on the couch in silence—but that is a choice I make as to how I spend my free time.

Sometimes I go on Tinder but I’m picky. The crap that I bought into 20 yrs ago, I don’t have the patience for. I’m not looking to hook up, FWB, and if you’re married it’s a deal breaker if if you’re in an open relationship.

In 3 yrs, I’ve met 2 people that were dating worthy to me. One had not been married before and that was his goal—it was not mine so that ended quickly. The other one just got derailed by life. My son ended up in the hospital and I could not handle a new relationship at the time.

I enjoy my life though. I’m not in any hurry to live with or get married again.

[Anonymous]

My divorce was finalized last year (I was 42) after about 1.5 years separated. I went on a couple of dating sites once it was final, got plenty of interest but little that seemed sincere (lots of generic “hi”, terrible grammar and spelling, or blatant sex requests). Went on a few dates and decided I really wasn’t ready for it. Then I had a family crisis with my parents to deal with. At the moment I’m just fed up with men and enjoying my own life. Between that and two young kids, I feel like dating is not in the cards at the moment.

[Anonymous]

Lots of women date and get remarried after divorce.

Outcomes are better if:

1) You have done the work to avoid falling back into the same relationship patterns that resulted in your failed marriage (a big part of this is realizing everyone bears some responsibility when a marriage fails).

2) You have realistic expectations.

3) You are relatively attractive (which can mean any number of things).

4) You take it slowly. The stakes are higher now that you have kids.

Before you jump back into dating, take some time to focus on yourself and your kids. You should be a whole person on your own, and date/be in a relationship because you enjoy companionship, not because you need someone else to fulfill you.

[Anonymous]

Dating/ sleeping with someone is very easy. I’ve found a smart, good looking FWB for sex and fun once to twice a week. It was pretty easy to find.


My kids will never meet a boufriend will they’re in college. I do have a lot of time to date and have been enjoying it! It’s a while part of my life I do while working or on the night/weekend where I don’t have my kids. I was burned badly by marriageni won’t be entering into that again.

[Anonymous]

I'm 49 and got divorced 2 years ago. I'm engaged to be married. I thought it was great. I actually had an interesting conversation with my ex about dating. He's 56 and dates women ranging from 35 to 55. I asked him if there was any difference between the ages. He told me that dating women in their 40s is a wonderful experience. I was actually shocked when he said that the younger women really were not better. I mean, I certainly didn't think so, but it was interesting to hear that from a guy.

I must say, I didn't have small kids. I waited. My kids were 18 and 14 at the time. Boys.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dating/ sleeping with someone is very easy. I’ve found a smart, good looking FWB for sex and fun once to twice a week. It was pretty easy to find.


My kids will never meet a boufriend will they’re in college. I do have a lot of time to date and have been enjoying it! It’s a while part of my life I do while working or on the night/weekend where I don’t have my kids. I was burned badly by marriageni won’t be entering into that again.

I see what they mean about bad grammar etc.

[Anonymous]

48 and will be divorced next year. My priorities are about like this:

1. Helping our two kids (12 and 8) get through this to remain happy and successful as possible
2. Keeping my career and retirement on track
3. Keeping my finances stable (which will mean reining in spending, and I still need to give that close attention)
4. Thinking about what went wrong in the marriage so I don't make the same mistakes again
5. Get over grief and sadness about end of marriage, get used to being single again

Maybe once all that is squared away, I'll give some thought to dating... right now I can't even imagine it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm 49 and got divorced 2 years ago. I'm engaged to be married. I thought it was great. I actually had an interesting conversation with my ex about dating. He's 56 and dates women ranging from 35 to 55. I asked him if there was any difference between the ages. He told me that dating women in their 40s is a wonderful experience. I was actually shocked when he said that the younger women really were not better. I mean, I certainly didn't think so, but it was interesting to hear that from a guy.

I must say, I didn't have small kids. I waited. My kids were 18 and 14 at the time. Boys.

Thanks for the words of wisdom! Just was feeling afraid that men wouldn’t be interested in women over 39. I have plenty else to work on in the meantime, but helpful to feel like there might be hope of loving again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm 49 and got divorced 2 years ago. I'm engaged to be married. I thought it was great. I actually had an interesting conversation with my ex about dating. He's 56 and dates women ranging from 35 to 55. I asked him if there was any difference between the ages. He told me that dating women in their 40s is a wonderful experience. I was actually shocked when he said that the younger women really were not better. I mean, I certainly didn't think so, but it was interesting to hear that from a guy.

I must say, I didn't have small kids. I waited. My kids were 18 and 14 at the time. Boys.

Thanks for the words of wisdom! Just was feeling afraid that men wouldn’t be interested in women over 39. I have plenty else to work on in the meantime, but helpful to feel like there might be hope of loving again.

50 YO man here. 39 is really a floor for me. Women in their forties are awesome. Don't worry, you'll be fine.

[Anonymous]

You’ll be fine. There are lots of good guys out there.

You need to spend some time focusing on you. Go to therapy, yoga, pottery class, run, etc. Do whatever it is you need to do to be the best, whole version of you that you can be. Hugs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for the words of wisdom! Just was feeling afraid that men wouldn’t be interested in women over 39. I have plenty else to work on in the meantime, but helpful to feel like there might be hope of loving again.

50 YO man here. 39 is really a floor for me. Women in their forties are awesome. Don't worry, you'll be fine.

Now get ready for all the women to chime in with "ewww gross you don't want to date some guy in his 50s, you'll wind up being his nursemaid."

But the fact is, there are plenty of healthy, attractive guys in their 50s who will be interested in a woman in her 40s.

[Anonymous]

I'm 42 and have never been married and have no kids, so different situation. But honestly I am finding plenty of guys to date. I'm meeting more guys than I did when I was in my thirties, because of guys who were married in their thirties but are now divorced.

[Anonymous]

It's fine. It's not super easy but if you're cute and have something to say for yourself, it should be fine. The major issue is time. Schedules are very difficult to navigate but with some commitment and flexibility, they can be overcome. Im dating happily and I am divorced and 44 with two young kids. It's possible but be open minded and dont come at it with a long laundry list of wants.