HOW to deal with toxic ex

[Anonymous]

Who makes a point of insulting and belitting me at every turn (when no one is around to hear, of course). I need help!

[Anonymous]

Why are you in contact with him so closely to for this? Even if you have kids, talk about kid-related things only. Don’t let him belittle you. Shut it down.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like he is still in your life. Unless this is an ex DH and you have kids with him or a coworker then I would block him and avoid contact with him, then seek therapy to deal with the damage he has done to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are you in contact with him so closely to for this? Even if you have kids, talk about kid-related things only. Don’t let him belittle you. Shut it down.

Here's an example. This morning the following text exhange occurred:

Him: Call me
Me:Is everything okay?
Him: ? Call me when you can
Me: Can you tell me what you want to discuss?
Him: JFC I just don't feel like typing
Me: Topic. That's it.
Him: Ok f*ck off. Good luck with everything.
Him: Pathetic. Bye
Me: You want to talk about the car? [I recently had a car issue] I want to know the topic before we speak.
Him: Why?! Who TF do you think you are?! You act like an entitled d*** to the very people whose help you're constantly asking for
Him: Are you f***ing available or not?!

So not sure how to handle things like this. I don't think I was being unreasonable in my texts. It's overwhelming and happens a lot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you in contact with him so closely to for this? Even if you have kids, talk about kid-related things only. Don’t let him belittle you. Shut it down.

Here's an example. This morning the following text exhange occurred:

Him: Call me
Me:Is everything okay?
Him: ? Call me when you can
Me: Can you tell me what you want to discuss?
Him: JFC I just don't feel like typing
Me: Topic. That's it.
Him: Ok f*ck off. Good luck with everything.
Him: Pathetic. Bye
Me: You want to talk about the car? [I recently had a car issue] I want to know the topic before we speak.
Him: Why?! Who TF do you think you are?! You act like an entitled d*** to the very people whose help you're constantly asking for
Him: Are you f***ing available or not?!

So not sure how to handle things like this. I don't think I was being unreasonable in my texts. It's overwhelming and happens a lot.

He’s your ex. Block his number. Unless you share children and the only respond when it’s about the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you in contact with him so closely to for this? Even if you have kids, talk about kid-related things only. Don’t let him belittle you. Shut it down.

Here's an example. This morning the following text exhange occurred:

Him: Call me
Me:Is everything okay?
Him: ? Call me when you can
Me: Can you tell me what you want to discuss?
Him: JFC I just don't feel like typing
Me: Topic. That's it.
Him: Ok f*ck off. Good luck with everything.
Him: Pathetic. Bye
Me: You want to talk about the car? [I recently had a car issue] I want to know the topic before we speak.
Him: Why?! Who TF do you think you are?! You act like an entitled d*** to the very people whose help you're constantly asking for
Him: Are you f***ing available or not?!

So not sure how to handle things like this. I don't think I was being unreasonable in my texts. It's overwhelming and happens a lot.

There are online services that you can run all communication through. Sometimes they are court ordered.

[Anonymous]

Do you share kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you share kids?

Yes we do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you in contact with him so closely to for this? Even if you have kids, talk about kid-related things only. Don’t let him belittle you. Shut it down.

Here's an example. This morning the following text exhange occurred:

Him: Call me
Me:Is everything okay?
Him: ? Call me when you can
Me: Can you tell me what you want to discuss?
Him: JFC I just don't feel like typing
Me: Topic. That's it.
Him: Ok f*ck off. Good luck with everything.
Him: Pathetic. Bye
Me: You want to talk about the car? [I recently had a car issue] I want to know the topic before we speak.
Him: Why?! Who TF do you think you are?! You act like an entitled d*** to the very people whose help you're constantly asking for
Him: Are you f***ing available or not?!

So not sure how to handle things like this. I don't think I was being unreasonable in my texts. It's overwhelming and happens a lot.

He’s your ex. Block his number. Unless you share children and the only respond when it’s about the kids.

We do share kids. Also, the "call me" text made it seem urgent, but it was early and I didn't want to call unless I knew it was. I didn't know what it was about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you in contact with him so closely to for this? Even if you have kids, talk about kid-related things only. Don’t let him belittle you. Shut it down.

Here's an example. This morning the following text exhange occurred:

Him: Call me
Me:Is everything okay?
Him: ? Call me when you can
Me: Can you tell me what you want to discuss?
Him: JFC I just don't feel like typing
Me: Topic. That's it.
Him: Ok f*ck off. Good luck with everything.
Him: Pathetic. Bye
Me: You want to talk about the car? [I recently had a car issue] I want to know the topic before we speak.
Him: Why?! Who TF do you think you are?! You act like an entitled d*** to the very people whose help you're constantly asking for
Him: Are you f***ing available or not?!

So not sure how to handle things like this. I don't think I was being unreasonable in my texts. It's overwhelming and happens a lot.

He’s your ex. Block his number. Unless you share children and the only respond when it’s about the kids.

We do share kids. Also, the "call me" text made it seem urgent, but it was early and I didn't want to call unless I knew it was. I didn't know what it was about.

If the kids are with you, don’t respond. If the kids are with him, call. But do not engage. This takes time to get good at, but you don’t need to engage with him AT ALL unless it’s about the kids. And unless it’s an emergency, you don’t have to respond right away.

[Anonymous]

Our Family Wizard

There is also a “tone-meter” that ourfamilywizard.com describes as an “emotional spell-check” for your messages. It is an ad-on, but it seems like a good idea for parties who tend to get heated over email and text.

$99 a parent each year. Worth every penny.

[Anonymous]

He is referring to you as "An entitled d***" ???
Hmmm

[Anonymous]

You need to learn to not respond and not take the bait. Were you in an abusive relationship? There's no rule that you have to respond to every text or call someone on command. I'm not sure I would have responded to a command to call him. Certainly not immediately. And if I did and I didn't get a response to the "is everything okay" question, I probably would have just have ignored the text and left it to him to put in the effort to follow up. Once he had started with the "JFK I just don't feel like typing," it seems like it was clear that he was going to be difficult and I would have just ended the interaction then.

Being passive and avoidant is an awesome way to deal with difficult people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He is referring to you as "An entitled d***" ???
Hmmm

Same sex parents?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you in contact with him so closely to for this? Even if you have kids, talk about kid-related things only. Don’t let him belittle you. Shut it down.

Here's an example. This morning the following text exhange occurred:

Him: Call me
Me:Is everything okay?
Him: ? Call me when you can
Me: Can you tell me what you want to discuss?
Him: JFC I just don't feel like typing
Me: Topic. That's it.
Him: Ok f*ck off. Good luck with everything.
Him: Pathetic. Bye
Me: You want to talk about the car? [I recently had a car issue] I want to know the topic before we speak.
Him: Why?! Who TF do you think you are?! You act like an entitled d*** to the very people whose help you're constantly asking for
Him: Are you f***ing available or not?!

So not sure how to handle things like this. I don't think I was being unreasonable in my texts. It's overwhelming and happens a lot.

You guys sound like a good match. Both crazy. The fact you had kids with someone who acts like this says you have issues. I’d consider getting back togwther.