HOW to deal with toxic ex

[Anonymous]

First, screen shot the crazy texts. Keep a file. Second, do not engage. Third, if kids are old enough (11+) they can call you on their cell phones if needed. Fourth, even if the there is an emergency there is likely absolutely nothing you can do. He is a parent, he can take care of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you in contact with him so closely to for this? Even if you have kids, talk about kid-related things only. Don’t let him belittle you. Shut it down.

Here's an example. This morning the following text exhange occurred:

Him: Call me
Me:Is everything okay?
Him: ? Call me when you can
Me: Can you tell me what you want to discuss?
Him: JFC I just don't feel like typing
Me: Topic. That's it.
Him: Ok f*ck off. Good luck with everything.
Him: Pathetic. Bye
Me: You want to talk about the car? [I recently had a car issue] I want to know the topic before we speak.
Him: Why?! Who TF do you think you are?! You act like an entitled d*** to the very people whose help you're constantly asking for
Him: Are you f***ing available or not?!

So not sure how to handle things like this. I don't think I was being unreasonable in my texts. It's overwhelming and happens a lot.

You guys sound like a good match. Both crazy. The fact you had kids with someone who acts like this says you have issues. I’d consider getting back togwther.

You can’t possibly sleep well at night. What a horrible person.

[Anonymous]

Why wouldn't he just call you, rather than texting you to call him? I would ignore a text like that and not respond to the initial text at all. If it's urgent or important, he will call you.

[Anonymous]

He's a classic abuser and you handled this text exchange beautifully.

You can't stop him from doing what he does but you don't have to get into the mud with him.

The only thing I wish you hadn't done is to come back to him to ask about the car. The moment he became abusive you need to just stop engaging. Period.

Memorize this sentence: "is this about the kids? If so, please text me what you need to discuss."

I work at a domestic abuse shelter, he is textbook.

[Anonymous]

Can you get a friend to act as intermediary? To go with you to all or some pick up and drop offs? Have him on speaker for any calls?

Ignore all texts and use email only.

[Anonymous]

Use a parenting coordinator...do not engage at all.

[Anonymous]

He sounds like a piece of work.

Family mediator is one avenue - another would be to just disengage more quickly - i.e.:

-if the kids are with him, then answer - "If you need to talk about something with the kids, call anytime."

-if the kids aren't with him, ignore altogether, or respond - "Can't talk right now, please send a text or email."

If he continues to be abusive in his language then you need to dial back communication even further. Good luck.