Holding kids back in middle school

[Anonymous]

Hello,

Any one have experience holding their son or daughter back in middle school? Our later summer bday child does ok (not great) in school but seem really behind socially, lacking confidence, shy. When around bit younger kids seems much more comfortable.

We are applying to new schools for next year. How would we handle with admissions? Tell them we are open to repeating and find if not? Will this ruin all chances of getting in?

Thank you for any help you can provide.

[Anonymous]

Public schools don't just let students repeat the year unless there are serious, documented issues. I'm an ES teacher and the vast majority of students up for retention are not help back.

[Anonymous]

I wrote a recommendation for former PS student who applied out to private. His parents wanted him to repeat the year. MCPS would not allow it. So they paid for him to do it in a private.

[Anonymous]

I know a few kids who did this and it was fine especially if you are switching schools. Kids do not even question it. Do what works for your child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know a few kids who did this and it was fine especially if you are switching schools. Kids do not even question it. Do what works for your child.

Admissions will not see it as a negative if you explain your reasons. This is somewhat common from public to private especially.

[Anonymous]

I think it is very common to move back a year when going from public to private. We are switching our 15 yr old 10th grader from public to private. The private has indicated that they really want us to move him back to 9th grade. He has a May bday and we live in the south now, and they old us that they usually don’t let boys start K at 5, especially “late birthdays, like May”. They also said that they have most mid year transfers, unless they are currently making all A's, go back a year b/c they find a lot of gaps in learning when c9ming from public to private.

I am wishing we had done this when he was in middle school, but didn’t know/ realize it.

[Anonymous]

Our son attended an academically well-regarded parochial school, but when he had the opportunity to transfer to one of the local all-boys schools, he had to be held back. My son was all in favor as was I, but my wife was vehemently opposed although she wanted our son to transfer. She finally relented, and, after the first year, she agreed it was the best thing we ever did for him. He is so happy, academically and athletically challenged, and we could not see him anywhere else. He has an April birthday, by the way.

[Anonymous]

Our friends did this with their daughter. She was the youngest by far in our K-8 school and although she did fine academically, the parents were always aware that she just seemed "younger." She repeated 8th grade at another school and then went into that school's high school. They were very upfront with 2 schools about that plan and applied to 2 high schools like normal as they worked through what would be best for her. They are thrilled with how it worked out (the daughter is now in 9th grade).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our son attended an academically well-regarded parochial school, but when he had the opportunity to transfer to one of the local all-boys schools, he had to be held back. My son was all in favor as was I, but my wife was vehemently opposed although she wanted our son to transfer. She finally relented, and, after the first year, she agreed it was the best thing we ever did for him. He is so happy, academically and athletically challenged, and we could not see him anywhere else. He has an April birthday, by the way.

Holding back April birthdays is completely ridiculous. Same with May. Your child is going to be 23 he graduates from college. Pretty soon holding back March and February is going to be the thing to do because of all of the April, May, June, July, August, and September birthdays are held back. Where does this stop? Complete insanity.

[Anonymous]

We considered doing this for our August birthday daughter. She was the second youngest in the class, and we wanted her to change schools and repeat 9th grade. She didn't want to at the time, and we dropped it. She now slightly regrets being so recalcitrant about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our son attended an academically well-regarded parochial school, but when he had the opportunity to transfer to one of the local all-boys schools, he had to be held back. My son was all in favor as was I, but my wife was vehemently opposed although she wanted our son to transfer. She finally relented, and, after the first year, she agreed it was the best thing we ever did for him. He is so happy, academically and athletically challenged, and we could not see him anywhere else. He has an April birthday, by the way.

Holding back April birthdays is completely ridiculous. Same with May. Your child is going to be 23 he graduates from college. Pretty soon holding back March and February is going to be the thing to do because of all of the April, May, June, July, August, and September birthdays are held back. Where does this stop? Complete insanity.

So what if child is 23 when he graduates from college. Other kids are older too in college bc of gap year or any other reason or because it takes them 5 or 6 years to graduate. It just doesn't matter. What's the rush to finish earlier?

[Anonymous]

This is common (I know two kids who did this when transferring into my son's class) But, I think you should be pretty clear in what you want when you apply. You apply for one grade or the other, it will impact what grade you shadow. So, if you are intent on repeating 6th grade, you apply for 6th grade and just indicate that you intend to have your child repeat.

[Anonymous]

There are a few kids that started middle school at our K-8 that my kids slowly figured out must have been held back at some point at a different school and no one seems to care. You are smart to let social behavior take the lead in this decision. There is definitely a huge range of social advancement in middle school and it’s easier to be somewhere near the middle. Even if you think it will make your child old—there will most likely be someone older and definitely be some older socially. Middle schoolers can be tough on each other and a little added maturity can be a good thing.

[Anonymous]

This may be an advantage to you from an admissions standpoint. There will already be late-summer kids in the grade and I’m sure they’d prefer a student who is a little more mature vs one who is less mature. Use it to have one on one conversations with admissions and get on their radar.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is common (I know two kids who did this when transferring into my son's class) But, I think you should be pretty clear in what you want when you apply. You apply for one grade or the other, it will impact what grade you shadow. So, if you are intent on repeating 6th grade, you apply for 6th grade and just indicate that you intend to have your child repeat.

Seconding this. You're applying for a grade, so decide ahead of time. You can do what another poster suggested as well, apply for one grade at one school, another at a different school, depending on what you think is best for your child. If you're not sure, schedule an appointment with admissions and have a talk with them. They'll tell you what they recommend.