Curious: Did you/will you have a shower for #2?

[Anonymous]

I'm curious. I am 5 weeks away from my due date. My friends insisted on throwing a shower. We kept it really small (15) and it was mostly my husband's friends. There were babies everywehere (not counted in the 15) and lots of beer. Anyway, we didn't invite any out of towners and no family at all. A relative was just here this weekend though and exclaimed "You're not supposed to have showers for #2". I was startled by her reaction and immediately said it wasn't about the gifts and that it was about celebrating the new baby coming... (I was defensive) and then reminded her that it's a different gender too. Is it still the norm not to have showers unless it's the first baby? My best friend convinced me that it's important for the baby to see how much he was wanted in pictures later on. There is a ton of stuff we need to buy for im also since our first is a girl whose signature color turned out to be fuschia (not sure how that happend).

Anyway, I would love to hear from others what their reaction are and what they did or are doing.

[Anonymous]

I have never heard of having a second shower - even if baby #2 is a different sex.

[Anonymous]

No. Second baby showers are still considered tacky, especially for babies close in age. And I've never heard of having a second shower b/c gender is different.

[Anonymous]

Me either. Very bad form.

Showers are not about the baby, they're about the mom. And your friends love doing it for you... once.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, unless baby no. 2 is waaaaayyy after baby no. 1 (like 8 years or so) I think it's tacky. When it comes down to it, showers ARE for presents. Ever been to one without them? You are SHOWERING the mom/bride to be with gifts. If you want something to celebrate the baby, invite people over after the baby is here and expressly state NO gifts.

[Anonymous]

I'm never had a shower yet...and I'm currently expecting my 3rd baby. Nobody has given me a shower and my family lives a few thousand miles away. Consider yourself lucky because I've never heard of having two showers. Tacky, yes. I have to agree with the other posters.

[Anonymous]

nope - no shower for number #2 and we didn't know gender for either child. I had a nice traditional shower for #1 and then my mom, sis, SIL and cousin took me to a nice fancy schmancy tea for #2 and gave me a present. My cousin gave me a nice overnight bag, SIL nice face cream...you get the drift.
I have never heard of shower for #2

[Anonymous]

I've been to a couple of showers for second babies and never thought a thing of it.

[Anonymous]

Some neighbors threw me a shower for my second baby of a different gender - it wasn't even my idea and they had to talk me into it. It was low-key, pretty small, at a friend's house, and I got boy clothes and some trucks and truck books. Only a couple people who had been at a previous shower were even invited to the second one, and the women attending thought it was fun - they drank wine and talked about babies, books and whatever. They had also thrown one for another neighbor in the same situation a month earlier. It wasn't a big deal. I know several people who had showers for the second baby, usually with a different group of friends than for the first. Seriously, it only cost $10 for them to buy a cute baby outfit, and my neighbors thought it was fun. If any of them had second or third babies, I would give them baby presents without a thought, so I don't see a big problem with a little shower that gets you away from your kids for a fun afternoon with the girls. If anyone is that offended by the invitation, then they shouldn't attend.

[Anonymous]

Here's an article on the subject from About.Com

Showering a Second Time Mom
Host it With a Twist
By Donna Pilato, About.com


There are mixed feelings on the etiquette regarding whether it's proper to throw a shower for second or subsequent babies. On the negative side, one might argue that parents have all the necessary baby supplies and clothes from the first child. A second shower would only provide excess, and might seem greedy. But to argue the positive side, every baby deserves to have its pending arrival greeted with excitement and celebration. And even with a second child, there may be things parents still need. For example:

Diapers
Wipes
New clothes if the baby will be the opposite sex from the first
Fresh nursing supplies (such as nursing pads, milk storage bags, a nursing pillow
A double stroller if the first child is still young
New socks, bibs, wash cloths, and pajamas (items that wear out easily)
Pacifiers
Formula if you know the parents plan to bottle-feed
Clothing if baby will be born in a different season than first child. For example, if first baby was born in the summer, parents may not have a newborn baby bunting to bring baby home from the hospital
A second car seat if first child hasn't outgrown the baby seat
Or, how about these ideas that are more parent-oriented, less baby-related:

Gift certificates to a spa for mom to use during pregnancy or after delivery to take care of herself
Coupons good for babysitting so mom and dad can get a break
Coupons for helping with household chores or errands
Offers to help with yard chores so dad can spend more time with the baby
Gift certificates to the local video store or pizza shop
A schedule of friends who will provide homemade meals the first few weeks home
Offers to take the first child on special outings
Hopefully I've made the case that a second shower is neither greedy nor unnecessary. It's also just a nice thing to do, and another reason to gather friends together in a celebration.

One major difference between a first time and a second time shower is existing children. Since the expecting parents already have a child, it might make things easier for everyone to include children in the celebration. With a little extra planning, the children will have as much fun as the adults will.

If the children are older than toddlers, know each other well and play nicely together, you can let them amuse themselves, as long as the house hosting the shower has enough age appropriate toys for them.

If you will have many younger children that require closer supervision, hire a babysitter to keep them busy and safe.

If you will have older and younger children attending, a pre-teen or teenager in the group can be assigned as babysitter. Offer to pay them just as you would an outside sitter.

Prepare several simple craft projects for the children to make. Ask them to make presents for the baby-to-be to get them in the spirit of the day.

Borrow or rent several age appropriate children's videos to have on hand in case the kids need a little downtime. You can even videotape favorite kid's TV programs to play during the festivities.

Make a few snacks that are child friendly.

If you're including the kids at the shower, then why not include the dads too? It has become much more common to invite men to both bridal and baby showers. You could make the men feel extra welcome by setting up a separate wishing well with gifts for the dad. Items might include blank videotapes, film, a dad's journal, aspirin, a dad-specific parenting book, photo albums, or even goodies to take with him to the hospital. And, if you think some dads might become bored by all the oohs and aahs when it's time to open the little baby things, plan an activity to keep them busy - such as grilling up the next course!

[Anonymous]

I see why people find it tacky, so I would not have one, personally. BUT I might have a meet-the-new-baby party once baby has arrived and things are settled down a bit. For me, that would honestly be the point -- showing off the wee new baby and seeing friends.

OR you could go the hippy route and have a mother-blessing, where any "gifts" are symbolic or intangible (http://pregnancy.about.com/cs/blessingway/a/aa102202a.htm) . I actually think that sounds really nice, but I'm not sure my friends would go for it.

[Anonymous]

Definitely not, I can only imagine what people would say!

[Anonymous]

No. A friend offered and was very offended when I declined. I would be very embarrassed. It just seems grubby.

[Anonymous]

I'm preggers with #2 right now. DS just turned two. I personally, would never have one but have been invited to 3 in the past year. I wasn't so offended that I didn't attend but I was surprised that they went ahead and registered again. That to me seemed tacky.

I'm with the previous poster that I will probably host a party/open house at our house for a meet and greet with the new baby.

[Anonymous]

Etiquette definitely says no...but it sounds like your friends really, really wanted to do this for you. So, while declining is *technically* appropriate, giving in and enjoying their good intentions isn't "tacky." It's welcoming the love that your friends have for you. For future babies (if there are any), you could suggest the tea/brunch with no gifts ideas proposed by other posters. But in retrospect I wouldn't feel bad about this second shower. Instead, I'd thank the good heavens that you have such sweet friends!

And while we're channeling our inner Mrs. Manners, it is good to remember that etiquette also tells us we shouldn't make others feel small or tacky...some of the prior posts sounded unduly harsh!