Curious: Did you/will you have a shower for #2?

[Anonymous]

I was given showers for all three of my kids - but only the first was of the gift-giving kind. The others were thrown for me by friends, who said they just wanted to give me a fun, relaxing afternoon. (no games!) I did get a few small, sweet items, like onesies, books, and even some wipes and diapers. I thought they were lovely events, and I felt incredibly special, lucky, and loved by my friends. I have also given friends showers for second and third babies (none of us has had 4 kids yet). They were fun to plan, and gave us an excuse to get together and make a dear pal feel special and pampered. No tacky vibe at all - a new baby is a big deal, even if it is your third, and it's nice to feel honored and loved.

[Anonymous]

It's over...you had it...mention being so thankful about it in your thank you notes if you really now feel uncomfortable.
I think #2 shower is a little weird...even more so if someone REGISTERS for it!!!! I can't imagine that!!!

But, people typically want to do something. A lunch with the girls at a restaurant, or bring something handed down is perfect.
My friend had a #2 that was hosted by her much younger sisters..they didn't "know".
Also, the first one was hosted at the mom's house, which I hear is not right either.
But, I would not worry about it.

[Anonymous]

Officially, showers for subsequent kids are a no-no, but I don't think its so terrible that you had one. Now, it WOULD be obnoxious if one were to angle for a shower for a 2nd-born - pestering friends to host it, etc. (this would also be obnoxious for a 1st baby, come to think of it). But if you have people who wanted to throw one, that's not so bad, really.

What I have seen done is sometimes a little shower for 2nd baby in the workplace, particularly if the person didn't work there when they had the 1st baby.

[maynie]

This doesn't bother me at all. You're not supposed to have anything to do with hosting your own shower so if a few of your friends want to get together and do something for you then so what? I have close enough relationships with my friends and family that I would be more more than happy to attend any event in their honor. I went to a shower for a second baby last year and it was great to see my friend, wish her well and give her a gift. As to the registering, I have no idea what she already has and prefer people to register. Makes my life easier.

[Anonymous]

A good friend just gave birth to her 3rd child - her 3rd girl, in fact - and just had her 3rd baby shower! This friend is not American born, however (she is from Iran), so perhaps culturally this is more acceptable in other parts of the world. I did find it a bit strange, though. I mean, she has just about EVERY item a baby girl could need!

[Anonymous]

I've thrown several for friends expecting second babies. They were smaller affairs, and I was happy to do it. Who cares about the old rules if your friends want to do this for you. Just make it a celebration of friends and not necessarily a register-all-over-again affair.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks for all your input. So, the guestlist this time was mostly my husband's guy friends. Last time, it was girly and no daddies around. Maybe it is cultural. The friends who have had second baby showers were mostly not Americans. I was a bit insulted by how rude some comments were. We didn't open gifts and didn't expect gifts. Anyway, I feel thankful that I have such caring friends who went out of their way to do this for us. It was a really nice time. I feel even more lucky after having read some of the comments.

[Anonymous]

You know the rudest comments always come from those quoting etiquette and Emily Post. It just seems that "old school" manners have nothing to with kindness, gracious behavior, celebrations, or just doing something nice for something. Its always about judging who is breaking rules, excluding others and felling good about it, and showing off. Sad.

[maynie]

Anonymous wrote:You know the rudest comments always come from those quoting etiquette and Emily Post. It just seems that "old school" manners have nothing to with kindness, gracious behavior, celebrations, or just doing something nice for something. Its always about judging who is breaking rules, excluding others and felling good about it, and showing off. Sad.

Good point.

[Anonymous]

The party or shower is for the baby. Why can we not celebrate #2, 3, or 10. Every life deserves a celebration. I say 100% yes. And for those that think it is tacky, don't invite them. Is it tacky to celebrate a 2nd birthday, what is the difference?

[Anonymous]

I am very amused by this thread. I readily admit that I don't track any of the etiquette rules. My SIL is in the happy hostess, always pointing out Emily Post, and annoying on so many levels. With our first, she announced that she would give us a baby shower for family, they all live out of state. We thanked her. It turned out to be a nightmare she had many strange expectations, did not want to register at one line places, wanted to control who bought what through her, wanted to tell us where and how to register etc. She was in a crazy craigs list and ebay phase and wanted to do things second hand for good deals. Everyone has different levels of comfort of what they want gently used and what they want new. I wasn't thrilled with debating this with her since our comfort zones were probably different. We were in the middle of moving houses so it got low priority on my end. I was supposed to come up with a non registry list for her. I then developed serious complications and was put on bedrest. Her shower was the least of my concerns so I sent hubby out to babies R us or buy buy baby to just register for a range of low priced and mid priced items so no one felt obligated to get big stuff. I honestly didn't want anything from anyone just a healthy baby but she would not stop bugging us. We also let her know that w could not fly out for the shower per medical orders. This made her mad not upset because the doctor was probably overreacting but she was going to do the shower without us. She didn't approve of color selections for a girl, and used the account access to change my lastname from mine which I kept to their lastname. It ticked me off so I went back in changed in and changed the owner password. She ended up not sharing the registry info with anyone, telling everyone that we didn;t want to register, and has been snitty about ever since.

We ended up delivering prematurely and spent a few weeks/months in the NICU. We received many pink dresses at home from family, which was fine. I stayed at the NICU and only my husband came home. He opened things and didn't wlays keep the notes with the gifts and lost the notes in some cases. I was not in an emotional state to do thankyou cards in the NICU and when we got home was not a position to dig through who may have sent what to get the thank you cards in order. We ended up talking to most family members and thanking them. Almost all completely understood..except of course dear SIL.

When we decided to have #2 we knew we were high risk and could go through the same thing. I did not want any shower and was terrified of having another NICU stay or worse losing the baby. I let her know that we had everything we needed, could not travel again, and that high risk pregnancy is different from regular pregnancy.I was completely relieved that she never brought up a shower for #2.
I thought that she had "got it" but after reading this thread realize I was just lucky that Emily Post had decided one shower was enough.

To this day I do not understand how some people can impose their view of manner and the righ to entertain in a certain manner on others which such disregard to other's feelings.

[Anonymous]

My sister is throwing me a "Baby Sprinkle" for my 2nd DD due in April. In the invite she included a cute saying about how this is a "sprinkle", not a shower. It talked about gifts like diapers, wipes, lotions, etc... This is my 2nd and last and my family and friends want to celebrate. I don't think anything is wrong etiquette wise if your friends/family want to celebrate with you. My friend just asked me last night if anyone was throwing one for me b/c she would if not. I told her my sister was so my friend wants to help. There are a lot of websites with info on "sprinkles" for anyone interested.

On a side note, I am not registering for anything, I think that would be a little tacky. There are a couple big items I need, but my mom and MIL will get us those items.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My sister is throwing me a "Baby Sprinkle" for my 2nd DD due in April. In the invite she included a cute saying about how this is a "sprinkle", not a shower. It talked about gifts like diapers, wipes, lotions, etc... This is my 2nd and last and my family and friends want to celebrate. I don't think anything is wrong etiquette wise if your friends/family want to celebrate with you. My friend just asked me last night if anyone was throwing one for me b/c she would if not. I told her my sister was so my friend wants to help. There are a lot of websites with info on "sprinkles" for anyone interested.

On a side note, I am not registering for anything, I think that would be a little tacky. There are a couple big items I need, but my mom and MIL will get us those items.

I think a sprinkle is probably a nice idea. But the fact that you're invitation talked about gift suggestions seems tacky. With a sprinkle, I think you just need to let people bring what they want, if anything.

[Anonymous]

I have known a lot of people who have had a shower for the second baby. None of them asked for a shower but it was thrown by friends who believed that "each baby deserves a shower." In many cases, the second child was the opposite sex, but not all.

In some cases the shower was held by a new group of friends who maybe wasn't around at the time the first baby was born (new friends from a new job or new community). We moved 2.5 years ago and have a new circle of friends (most of whom also moved to the area around that time) so most showers we've been to for second babies are like the community wanting to acknowledge a new arrival.

I would never expect a shower for my second child (due in October) but if someone really, really wanted to hold a shower for me, I would probably graciously accept the offer.

[Anonymous]

I have two kids and never had a shower because I don't like them. Personally, I think it's incredibly tacky to have one for a second child, and beyond tacky if you register for your second. I've only ever been invited to one second shower, but the invitation clearly stated not to bring gifts, but rather to bring a frozen meal for the family to make their lives easier after the baby arrived. I thought that was a great way to do it, and was happy to attend.