Should we HAVE to do 3 separate Christmases with DH family?
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Anonymous
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DH’s grandparents are divorced, remarried and all still alive, and MIL remarried and her new husband has his own children and parents. Because they each have their own subsequent families, getting together for the holidays is a disaster. Nobody can manage to get together on one day in DH family, so it turns into this charade of seeing MIL and her husband one day, seeing one set of grandparents another day, and the other anothe day—and MIL aid course comes to each of those celebrations. So it’s essentially 3 days of celebrating with his side of the family before we even take my family into account and I’m sick of it. It’s not fair. We see his family for hours and days. To make matters worse, my mom and MIL don’t get along because of a verbal attack my MIL ahead towards my mom, that strangely my MIL never got over, so one huge celebration is out of the picture.
I want to take back Christmas. I want to pick a day, and if someone can’t make it, we will try again next year. My DH is being a bit of a coward about it and while he’s unhappy with this arrangement too, he’s afraid to speak up. What words can I use to give him the courage to make this change this year. And if he isn’t willing, what is my best course of action to duck out this year? |
Anonymous
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Go on vacation somewhere else for Christmas. Break the habit.
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Anonymous
| Just do an open house. People can come to you or not. |
Anonymous
| He is an adult. Time to act like one. Man up and stay home. |
Anonymous
| No absolutely not. you do one. He knows to grow a pair and set boundaries. |
Anonymous
| Knock it all out in one day. One set of grandparents comes to your house for breakfast, the other come for early dinner, and MIL joins for one or both events. |
Anonymous
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If you don't have kids, let him go do that. You can stay home.
If you do, advise that you are picking a day for an open house and his side can come or not. |
Anonymous
Bingo! This here- even if you don't have kids. One Christmas with them, only. He can go to the others if he wants. |
Anonymous
PP again. If you do have kids, you can do one Christmas only. He can do the others with the kids. |
Anonymous
| My parents are divorced. My dad usually comes one sat in Jan or Feb for Xmas. I make a nice lunch and we open some presents and visit. Just don’t do it over three consecutive days and have them come to you too. |
Anonymous
| "We're having an open house so that we can see everyone at their convenience during the day. If you want to know when someone else will or won't be there, let DH know so he can coordinate general schedules." |
Anonymous
This. I had the most glorious few hours to myself on Thanksgiving while my husband took our kids to visit his ex’s family. My kids enjoy going, my husband enjoys going, and I had other stuff to do which was easier without kids underfoot. Win-win. |
Anonymous
| Spread it out through the year. |
Anonymous
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Why don't you do a rotation of Thanksgiving with his family, Christmas with your family, and switch off every year? That way, you get one solid holiday with your family, and one holiday with whatever ***HE*** can make work with his side of the family?
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Anonymous
| Eff no. This is insane. I also don’t feel like Christmas is traditionally spent with grandparents when you are an adult. |