How much harder are three kids?

[Anonymous]

We had one very difficult baby, but not easy 4 year old. We didn’t want a second, but had a surprise and now have an awesome 1 year old. I went from never wanting a second to now wanting a third. Be honest. How much harder is the jump to 3? We both work fulll time and have a great nanny.

[Anonymous]

Much harder. It is exponential.

Look up divorce rates - much higher with three. You are outnumbered. Every couple I know with three goes through very hard times for a few years.

[Anonymous]

i have 3, no biggie. it was harder to go from 1 to 2, than 2 to 3.

[Anonymous]

Agree with pp that I found the transition from 1 to 2 harder. My 3rd was my easiest, and by then I'd become a much more confident and relaxed mom. You'll be in good hands given your experienced nanny. Transition the four year old now to be more independent, for example, dressing himself in the morning before coming downstairs, pulling his bedspread over his bed to "make" it each morning etc. (I can't quite tell from your post if your third is a surprise or if you aren't pregnant.)

However, I find it much more challenging once you hit the elementary school/middle school ages if you are trying to juggle extracurricular activities like sports and instruments etc. We have an after school sitter and there are times I need one adult per kid to get them all where they need to go, even you tell the child one activity per season (because eventually that one activity involves multiple practices per week).

[Anonymous]

It is all dependent on your kids. My 3rd was a horrible sleeper. I got pneumonia since I was so run down.

MY SIL's kids slept through the night starting at birth - not kidding. Our experiences being sleep deprived were very different.

My oldest and youngest having learning disabilities.

It is not only about how hard is it when you have an infant - it is how when the youngest is 2, 3, 4, .....

[Anonymous]

I have 4 now. transition from 0 to 1 was so hard because our first was a difficult baby. every baby after that has seemed like a breeze. I think because you had a difficult baby first then your expectations are realistic. You will likely not have a difficult baby again ( but of course you could!) One thing that helped me decide on having a 3rd and 4th was just saying if I have a difficult or colicky baby then I will hire help and not feel guilty about it. I need sleep and sanity. I will sacrifice in other ways ( less vacation or cheaper vacations) in order to pay for help with my difficult baby. But all the babies after my first was so easy so I didn't need to hire help.
As the kids get older it does get hard with schedules and activities but I do things to simplify. I schedule their activities on the same days and then have days where no one does anything.

[Anonymous]

It gets harder as they get older and have school work, projects, social lives and activities.

I have 3 who are now in late elementary and middle school and it's a lot to keep up with and I'm much busier than my friends with 2 kids are.
When they were young I didn't notice it as much--feeding 3 kids vs. 2 isn't much different. Putting 3 kids to bed vs. 2 isn't much different. But trying to consistently be 3 places
at once (now that they all have busy lives outside of our family) makes our family feel much busier than my friends with 2 kids and infinitely busier than our friends with 1 kid.

[Anonymous]

You have a big gap. I had 2 under 2 and it was very hard. I had third when older kids were 5 and 7 and it has been more manageable.

We also have more money now so we outsource more.

[Anonymous]

I have 3 - ages 6, 4.5 and 15 months. The third is a great sleeper, which is the key to our life not being really stressful at this stage. The older 2 are somewhat self-sufficient, making having 3 more doable. We love it and wouldn't change it. We have 3 drop offs for daycare/school, which makes it ridiculous, but it is manageable. We don't live in DC, so life is easier where we are. I do think it will get nuts once everyone is in an activity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You have a big gap. I had 2 under 2 and it was very hard. I had third when older kids were 5 and 7 and it has been more manageable.

We also have more money now so we outsource more.

It totally depends though. My best friend has a 5 and 7 year old, and a 1 year old. She loves her baby, of course, but she said it's difficult. She wants to do baby things for the baby, but the older kids activities take the priority. The baby isn't home to nap during the day either.

[Anonymous]

Mine were 2 and 3.5 when my third was born. I remember it being very difficult when she was born. I just remember feeling like any free time I had evaporated. My boys napped at the same time, so I would use that time to clean, do laundry, and prep dinner. But my daughter didn’t always nap during that time. Whenever I would take my older one to his preschool (2 days a week from 12pm-2pm), I would use that time to take one child to run errands. But with the baby, that was so much more difficult. Things like story time were harder because she might start crying, but it was hard to leave because the two boys would be involved in the story, but weren’t quite old enough to stay while I left. There are a million examples like that. Oh god, I would get two kids ready to go someplace, and while I was getting the third ready, the other two would take off their coats and shoes or go run and jump in a mud puddle. It was harder to have older kids involved in chores and things around the house because I just wanted to get it done while I had a few minutes.

My kids are 4, 7, 9, and 10 now, and they are definitely more work, but also a lot of fun. I don’t find the driving to activities to be that difficult, but there is a lot of managing sibling relationships, making sure that DH and I get enough one on one time with each child (and really being able to do it when they need it), and frankly a lot of cooking and laundry. I feel more like I mediate the children’s interactions with each other while I take care of household things rather than act as a playmate.

Oh, and finally, word to the wise...I only took off five weeks from work when I had my third. I only worked part time, and I guess I thought I was some kind of pro. Take off all the time you can!!!

[Anonymous]

We have three and both have very busy careers. It works and it is not stressful because we have live-in help and because all three are good sleepers. This is not by accident. All three were sleep trained and all three wake up at 7:30am. If you are able to maintain consistent standards with all three and put in the work up front to make sure the baby has the sleep schedule that you need, then it all works beautifully.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have three and both have very busy careers. It works and it is not stressful because we have live-in help and because all three are good sleepers. This is not by accident. All three were sleep trained and all three wake up at 7:30am. If you are able to maintain consistent standards with all three and put in the work up front to make sure the baby has the sleep schedule that you need, then it all works beautifully.

I'm this PP. Also- we have a 15 minute rule- I don't sign the kids up for extracurriculars that are more than a 15 minute drive from the house. We live in NW DC where there are lots of extracurriculars and camps, so we are able to pick from these options.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It gets harder as they get older and have school work, projects, social lives and activities.

I have 3 who are now in late elementary and middle school and it's a lot to keep up with and I'm much busier than my friends with 2 kids are.
When they were young I didn't notice it as much--feeding 3 kids vs. 2 isn't much different. Putting 3 kids to bed vs. 2 isn't much different. But trying to consistently be 3 places
at once (now that they all have busy lives outside of our family) makes our family feel much busier than my friends with 2 kids and infinitely busier than our friends with 1 kid.

Agree. I only have two. I wanted another when they were a baby and toddler but DH did not. Now they are both in ES and I am so glad we stopped at 2. My fiends with three seem so crazy busy all the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It gets harder as they get older and have school work, projects, social lives and activities.

I have 3 who are now in late elementary and middle school and it's a lot to keep up with and I'm much busier than my friends with 2 kids are.
When they were young I didn't notice it as much--feeding 3 kids vs. 2 isn't much different. Putting 3 kids to bed vs. 2 isn't much different. But trying to consistently be 3 places
at once (now that they all have busy lives outside of our family) makes our family feel much busier than my friends with 2 kids and infinitely busier than our friends with 1 kid.

Agree. I only have two. I wanted another when they were a baby and toddler but DH did not. Now they are both in ES and I am so glad we stopped at 2. My fiends with three seem so crazy busy all the time.

We are stopping at two also. Sometimes I love the idea of a family with three but frankly so many of the stages seem so hard. If you have a baby and elementary schoolers / preschoolers, you cart the baby everywhere. Once the baby becomes an elementary schooler, you have so much trouble juggling activities and can never feel present in everyone’s things. The families I know with three all seem stretched very thin. I struggled with this as I love the idea of a bigger family but we are set now. Mine are seven and five