Dealing with negative feelings towards pregnant cousin

[Anonymous]

My “infertile” cousin is expecting her 7th. Her oldest just turned 11. Because it took over a year to conceive their 4th she calls herself infertile and is in all the fertility support groups with me.

Here I am, half way through my 3rd IVF pregnancy with no children. I had three failed IVFs and my first successful IVF ended in a 2nd trimester miscarriage and my last successful IVF resulted in our daughter being stillborn. It’s been a tough road.

I know I’ll get called jealous and nasty anywhere else. But I’m really harboring some negative feelings towards my cousin. Not because she’s having a 7th, but because she still puts on this “I’m infertile too.”

Every time I’ve struggled, she’s made sure to let it be known she’s struggled too. She claims she’s had 3 miscarriages (one a twin of her oldest, the other most likely chemical pregnancies due to timing).

She claims her MLM has cured her infertility, and suggested my miscarriage was due to not taking her snake oils pills.

So, no. I’m not happy about her 7th pregnancy, I’m too terrified about my pregnancy to be happy.

[Anonymous]

I’m so sorry, OP. It’s ridiculous that she’s parading around that way pretending to be infertile and invading your support space with her nonsense. You have every right to be upset, I imagine I would be too.

[Anonymous]

Hugs, op. I’d be upset too. The mlm-pushing would probably send me over the edge.

[Anonymous]

Avoid her. She sounds really annoying.

I'm sorry, OP. Best wishes to you.

[Anonymous]

Just hugs.

[Anonymous]

Do you have to be around her? Can you minimize contact for the time being? I would be upset too.

[Anonymous]

I am I infuriated on your behalf, OP. She’s so far over the line. You have every right to minimize the time you have to be around her. Hugs.

[Anonymous]

I'm really really sorry. I think your feelings are legitimate. I know a couple people like that who hang out in infertility groups. I had to hide them. Seriously- I have never successfully carried to term, and you are trying to tell me that you know exactly how it feels b/c it took you a long time to conceive one child, and you have (possibly?) had some miscarriages. Having it be a relative would be tough. Distance yourself.

[Anonymous]

This must be a joke. How can a woman with 7 kids claim to be infertile? She is ridiculous and I would make fun of her and pity her. She is probably having all these kids because craves the attention. What a loser. She should be spending her time raising her kids instead of playing the infertile woman. It probably just make her feel better about her life being part of the groups. You should feel bad for her OP

[Anonymous]

I am angry for you. How does someone with 7 children claim to be infertile? She is, at best, an insensitive attention seeker. You are totally justified to stop spending time or energy with or on her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am angry for you. How does someone with 7 children claim to be infertile? She is, at best, an insensitive attention seeker. You are totally justified to stop spending time or energy with or on her.

This, and I think I might say that to her. "Someone with 7 children is not infertile by any standard. You are an insensitive attention seeker, or you have some kind of mental illness that makes you believe normal fertility is problematic. Either way, you make me, and the rest of us who are actually infertile, feel rage every time you promote your MLM snake oil. Please stop."

This would be worth blowing up the family to me -- she's inflicting a lot of pain.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am angry for you. How does someone with 7 children claim to be infertile? She is, at best, an insensitive attention seeker. You are totally justified to stop spending time or energy with or on her.

This, and I think I might say that to her. "Someone with 7 children is not infertile by any standard. You are an insensitive attention seeker, or you have some kind of mental illness that makes you believe normal fertility is problematic. Either way, you make me, and the rest of us who are actually infertile, feel rage every time you promote your MLM snake oil. Please stop."

This would be worth blowing up the family to me -- she's inflicting a lot of pain.

I agree with this. I just quit my online support group because I could no longer stand being the one who watches everyone else get pregnant and move on. I also hid FB posts from one of my cousins when she posted a bunch about her gender disappointment when she had her fourth boy.

[Anonymous]

I remember my “friend” claiming that she, too, suffered from infertility simply because she had to take medicine to tame her high prolactin levels. Yeah. She got pregnant within a month of trying and went on to have 3 kids. Oh, and she was telling me this after I was crying to her about my latest failed IVF cycle.

[Anonymous]

Your cousin is a ridiculous person.

[Anonymous]

she sounds intolerable.