DH is completely unable to deal with the stress of everyday life/parenting

[Anonymous]

I just don't know what to do anymore. He complains constantly about his schedule, about not having enough free time, about the kids misbehaving, about traffic--literally everything. I get it. We're busy. Both of us work full-time and we have two young ADHD kids (one medicated, one in the process of being evaluated) and everything that goes with that. We don't have family in the area, so there really isn't anyone to back us up. In my mind, you deal with and make the best of it, but he seems completely incapable of doing this. Instead he mopes around acting miserable and snapping at everyone. Mornings aren't so bad, but by the end of the day when he's tired he has no patience to deal with anything and every problem becomes my fault. I'd say he's depressed but he already takes 2 kinds of anti-depressants and refuses to have any further conversations about medication (including for his own untreated ADHD and horrible emotional regulation). It's reached the point where I know it's rubbing off on the kids and I just don't know what to do. Has anyone else dealt successfully with these kinds of issues? Any advice?

[Anonymous]

My DH got a “career coach” who is really an ADHD therapist.

[Anonymous]

My first thought, just from the title, was that he has ADHD.

What’s he taking for depression? Wellbutrin is sometimes used off label for ADHD. Any chance you could get him to try that?

Otherwise, unless he’s willing to change, it’s going to be like this forever.

[Anonymous]

ExDH moved out. Life in the house became so much less stressful. Both kids thrived in the less tense household.

Dad is not as stressed when he’s with them because there is a finite start and end time.

Our family functions much better as two households. I know that’s not what you were looking to hear though.

[Anonymous]

Well this isnt a popular idea. But how I dealt with the same thing was to shift all kid responsibilities to me and all non kid responsibilities to my spouse. I take care of all the medical and school issues, including meetings and homework. We split pick ups based on availability. And I don’t ha doe any household issues - cars, lawn, cleaning, grocery shopping. It evens out and it works for us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My first thought, just from the title, was that he has ADHD.

What’s he taking for depression? Wellbutrin is sometimes used off label for ADHD. Any chance you could get him to try that?

Otherwise, unless he’s willing to change, it’s going to be like this forever.

He takes Wellbutrin already and (sporadically) fluoxetine. Unfortunately I don't think it does anything for the ADHD.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like he is telling you he can't keep doing what you are doing.

This current life isn't working for him.

Time to sit down and reevaluate. Can one of you work less / less hours / less stressful jobs?

[Anonymous]

He doesn't need meds. He needs to grow up, suck it up, man up, and deal with life. Tell him to quit being a p***y. He's a candy ass who can't face realities. Time to be a man. Let him know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He doesn't need meds. He needs to grow up, suck it up, man up, and deal with life. Tell him to quit being a p***y. He's a candy ass who can't face realities. Time to be a man. Let him know.

And to clarify, I'm a married male with two kids, a stressful job, and I'm the one who typed this.

[Anonymous]

My DH does psychotherapy and mood balancing drugs. I self medicate with MJ

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He doesn't need meds. He needs to grow up, suck it up, man up, and deal with life. Tell him to quit being a p***y. He's a candy ass who can't face realities. Time to be a man. Let him know.

And to clarify, I'm a married male with two kids, a stressful job, and I'm the one who typed this.

If you don’t have a ADHD, sit down and let the grownups talk. Because you haven’t a clue...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He doesn't need meds. He needs to grow up, suck it up, man up, and deal with life. Tell him to quit being a p***y. He's a candy ass who can't face realities. Time to be a man. Let him know.

I like your attitude sir. And frankly a lot of the time this is the truth, but lord knows lots of folks won't face that reality.

[Anonymous]

When calm and quiet, ask him what he needs specifically to improve his attiude. Work out time, quiet time? Explain to him that he needs to find an outlet for his stress. It's impacting the house.

[Anonymous]

With both kids plus husband having ADHD, I’d be changing the diet of everyone (at least in the home) - no more processed food etc. It’s a serious ask, but in your case it would definitely be worth it to try that.

[Anonymous]

In such cases, DCUM invariably prescribes having an affair with your neighbor, who may be your soul mate.