DH is completely unable to deal with the stress of everyday life/parenting

[Anonymous]

Honesty the working parent slog sucks, and it sounds like he didn’t sign up for that. Did he want kids? Could you move some where cheaper and SAH? We are a two working parent household, and it is an endless grind (and our kids don’t seem to have ADHD). We have no leisure time, a messy house, and a pile of laundry that boots out the sun.

But we manage b/c we both have normal (not BIG) jobs, shortish commutes, and enjoy spending what leisure time we get with the kids.

Can one of you go part time? Can he get half an hour when he gets home to not be ‘on’.

I don’t think more drugs will be the panacea you seek.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honesty the working parent slog sucks, and it sounds like he didn’t sign up for that. Did he want kids? Could you move some where cheaper and SAH? We are a two working parent household, and it is an endless grind (and our kids don’t seem to have ADHD). We have no leisure time, a messy house, and a pile of laundry that boots out the sun.

But we manage b/c we both have normal (not BIG) jobs, shortish commutes, and enjoy spending what leisure time we get with the kids.

Can one of you go part time? Can he get half an hour when he gets home to not be ‘on’.

I don’t think more drugs will be the panacea you seek.

hell no. the answer to "my DH is a jerk" is not "quit working"!

[Anonymous]

Best advice I ever got: Outsource whatever you can.

- Cleaning person as often as you can afford.
- Take out for dinner, go for it.
- Launder your things at the dry cleaners (most charge by weight, and everything comes back folded nicely!).

It's hard when you have little ones who are so needy, and if you can free up time by paying someone else to do it, and you have the money to do it, go for it.

Sometimes it's hard for women who have been raised that they can do it all, to admit that they can't. It's okay!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honesty the working parent slog sucks, and it sounds like he didn’t sign up for that. Did he want kids? Could you move some where cheaper and SAH? We are a two working parent household, and it is an endless grind (and our kids don’t seem to have ADHD). We have no leisure time, a messy house, and a pile of laundry that boots out the sun.

But we manage b/c we both have normal (not BIG) jobs, shortish commutes, and enjoy spending what leisure time we get with the kids.

Can one of you go part time? Can he get half an hour when he gets home to not be ‘on’.

I don’t think more drugs will be the panacea you seek.

hell no. the answer to "my DH is a jerk" is not "quit working"!

This. Would you tell a man that? No way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He doesn't need meds. He needs to grow up, suck it up, man up, and deal with life. Tell him to quit being a p***y. He's a candy ass who can't face realities. Time to be a man. Let him know.

And to clarify, I'm a married male with two kids, a stressful job, and I'm the one who typed this.

If you don’t have a ADHD, sit down and let the grownups talk. Because you haven’t a clue...

Have you read this board? The "adults" can't deal with stress, cheat on their spouses, etc. It's one thread after another. Any time life isn't just like you wanted, everyone looks for an excuse or a pill or an affair. Life isn't always a bed of roses, the quicker people suck it up and realize it, the quicker they can move on and be successful spouses, parents, workers, etc. While you are making excuses for the poster's husband, I'm giving solutions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He doesn't need meds. He needs to grow up, suck it up, man up, and deal with life. Tell him to quit being a p***y. He's a candy ass who can't face realities. Time to be a man. Let him know.

And to clarify, I'm a married male with two kids, a stressful job, and I'm the one who typed this.

If you don’t have a ADHD, sit down and let the grownups talk. Because you haven’t a clue...

Have you read this board? The "adults" can't deal with stress, cheat on their spouses, etc. It's one thread after another. Any time life isn't just like you wanted, everyone looks for an excuse or a pill or an affair. Life isn't always a bed of roses, the quicker people suck it up and realize it, the quicker they can move on and be successful spouses, parents, workers, etc. While you are making excuses for the poster's husband, I'm giving solutions.

I hear it all the time.

My kid didn't make a perfect score on the ACT/SAT. It's because he doesn't test well. (Maybe your kid isn't in the 99th percentile. Maybe he is in the 70th percentile which is still above average)

My kid misbehaves at school. It's because he has ADHD. (Maybe he just needs a belt to his ass and he will be miraculously cured)

[Anonymous]

Another DCUM thread off the rails.

[Anonymous]

I get grumpy as a parent when I need a break. OP, if your DH has ADHD, he probably doesn't have the executive functioning skills to figure out how to get himself a regular break. You may need to help him. What did he do to unwind before kids? When does he seem happiest? When does he connect with the kids? With you?

Is the morning slog the worst? If so, get a nanny or au pair to help with mornings and send him to the gym / to get coffee / to work early / chilling in bed / to read the news. Hiring help is so much cheaper than a divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:With both kids plus husband having ADHD, I’d be changing the diet of everyone (at least in the home) - no more processed food etc. It’s a serious ask, but in your case it would definitely be worth it to try that.

Please do tell how this helps anything

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I get grumpy as a parent when I need a break. OP, if your DH has ADHD, he probably doesn't have the executive functioning skills to figure out how to get himself a regular break. You may need to help him. What did he do to unwind before kids? When does he seem happiest? When does he connect with the kids? With you?

Is the morning slog the worst? If so, get a nanny or au pair to help with mornings and send him to the gym / to get coffee / to work early / chilling in bed / to read the news. Hiring help is so much cheaper than a divorce.

Just reread and see that mornings are better. Swap my suggestion and hire evening help. Send him to the gym two nights a week or the library or to watch sports. When he says he needs a break, he means it. Get yourself a break too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He doesn't need meds. He needs to grow up, suck it up, man up, and deal with life. Tell him to quit being a p***y. He's a candy ass who can't face realities. Time to be a man. Let him know.

I like your attitude sir. And frankly a lot of the time this is the truth, but lord knows lots of folks won't face that reality.

Man here. I agree. I have no desire, interest, will, energy, strength, or give-a-f*ck in me 90% of the time, but I still drive to swim, piano, gymnastics, ballet, soccer and whatever else takes place on Football Sunday. I still help with homework, listen to stories that have absolutely no point, and go to the playground because THAT'S THE JOB!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:ExDH moved out. Life in the house became so much less stressful. Both kids thrived in the less tense household.

Dad is not as stressed when he’s with them because there is a finite start and end time.

Our family functions much better as two households. I know that’s not what you were looking to hear though.

+1 Same for me except I'm the one that moved out. Life is much better now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I get grumpy as a parent when I need a break. OP, if your DH has ADHD, he probably doesn't have the executive functioning skills to figure out how to get himself a regular break. You may need to help him. What did he do to unwind before kids? When does he seem happiest? When does he connect with the kids? With you?

Is the morning slog the worst? If so, get a nanny or au pair to help with mornings and send him to the gym / to get coffee / to work early / chilling in bed / to read the news. Hiring help is so much cheaper than a divorce.

What is your job OP and DHs job & commutes?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Best advice I ever got: Outsource whatever you can.

- Cleaning person as often as you can afford.
- Take out for dinner, go for it.
- Launder your things at the dry cleaners (most charge by weight, and everything comes back folded nicely!).

It's hard when you have little ones who are so needy, and if you can free up time by paying someone else to do it, and you have the money to do it, go for it.

Sometimes it's hard for women who have been raised that they can do it all, to admit that they can't. It's okay!

It's the share of mind that she needs help with, not task master stuff.
She needs her DH to step up and manage and lead half the aspects of the household and make decisions, before her head and body explode.
He sounds incapable of that. That is serious. Deal-breaker serious.

[Anonymous]

I have ADHD. I certainly recognize the capacity for low frustration tolerance. I take Welbutrin, but it doesn't really do what the stimulants do for me. When paired with the stimulants, I've also found that Welbutrin can really ramp up your anxiety if you also have those symptoms. So I've found that a relatively high dose of Zoloft helps me avoid the fight or flight response that everyday stressors can bring. I also use CBD oil, which I'm reluctant to recommend because I could just be gullible and perceiving a placebo effect.

I know it sucks to be my wife sometimes. It's hard to suppress every moment of exasperation. I concentrate on making sure that I immediately recognize it and apologize and my wife then makes allowances when I bristle at small things. But it's not easy. I'm sure the kids are stressing you two. You probably both have less time for one another, yet you probably both need one another more than ever.