Mother and father reluctant about future SIL..
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
|
My brother is a pharmacist and my
Soon to be SIL is a nanny. My husband took 7 years to receive his undergrads and 5 additional to complete his MBA. I don’t judge him because I know the obstacles he faced, Yet my mother and father are disappointed that my sil is happy being a caregiver and has no interest in pursuing other careers. I think her long term goal is to be a SAHM. I got grief about my husband but since he’s not established in his career, they don’t question his work ethic anymore. Our parents had high expectations of us so I think they expected we’d meet someone within our career path, I’m not sure. But my brother is happy and we’re happy for him (hubby and me). My mom just said while she’s happy for them people assume he’s engaged to someone highly educated as him so they go quiet or don’t say much when they find out she’s not. She said it’s annoying if anything. She’s a sweet woman and he’s in love so I think they will come around. My mom is more fake nice than anything. I just remember how much my husband had to do to establish his connection with them so I feel for her. |
Anonymous
| All I can say is you should go out of your way to be super-nice to future SIL |
Anonymous
|
Their loss if they're basing their opinion of her on what she does for a living (...and it will quite literally be their loss if they keep this up). Your brother could do a LOT worse than a caring, good person who loves children, who treats him well, and whom he is deeply in love with.
They sound appearance obsessed. Are you looking for advice or just venting? If the latter...I understand. My parents were kind of like this too, although they've mellowed with age. It's kind of sad how much they cared about what their peers / acquaintances thought. If the former, you should: say only positive things about you SIL, be open and welcoming bad supportive, and if your parents try to speak disparagingly of her to you, shut it down immediately. Defend her, and remind your mom that her being phony nice and shit talking is both unbecoming and a sure way to make sure she plays. Very small role in the lives of her son and future grandchildren |
Anonymous
| ^and not bad! |
Anonymous
| If your SIL is nice and your brother is happy make sure you have her back if your mom tries to create trouble. |
Anonymous
| Foreign au pair seeking citizenship or American nanny? |
Anonymous
No way. Stay out of it. |
Anonymous
What dumb advice!! OP, if you like her and she makes your brother happy, she’s going to need you in her corner! Your mother sounds awful |
Anonymous
| OP, are your parents Asian? Mine are Korean and they are giving my DB grief because he's dating a single mom with two baby daddies. I've met her and she's nice but I don't think she's wife material based on our cultural expectations. I think Americans don't get how the concept of standards the way non-Americans do. |
Anonymous
| Friend's cousin married a nanny-- similar parental. Appearance obsessed. They were so nasty to DIL that they weren't invited to the wedding and are now iced out of grandchild's birth. |
Anonymous
| Point out to them that Princess Diana was a nanny with no degree, and it was good enough for the Prince of Wales. If the Queen can accept a nanny for a DIL, so can they. |
Anonymous
Diana was also British royalty with a very wealthy father, not some poor struggling young woman trying to live off her nanny salary. |
Anonymous
| OP. Here. Not Asian just had parents with high expectations. They want good “pedigree” so to speak -it’s nauseating. |
Anonymous
| Well, someone's son I know married a woman with four kids by three different dads so it's good to have a glass half-full perspective. |