If you don't like the parents

[Anonymous]

My DC choose their own friends, they are teens, and I respect their decisions, with guidance of course. Question: what if you find the parents to be unbearable? Does it affect who you allow your teen to spend time with? There is a mom of the friend group who insists on arranging lunches and being "buddies" with the moms of the DC friends. She seems into what some people call "social engineering", and really "aware" of appearances (people, clothes, house, etc. - which would not be offensive if the behavior wasn't outwardly aggressive). I am not all that interested, nor are the other moms. We feel she has ill intent, as she is a known gossip. In fact, we are not all that confident that she her planning get togethers are not for gossip related reasons. We have heard her talk about one fo the moms in an unfavorable light, and her depiction is inaccurate (we have known that particular mom for years, and there are one or two Queen Bee moms, who gossip mom and a couple others bow down to, but we are not involved or interested). The mom she talked about is kind, thoughtful and genuine - maybe that is why the mean moms don't like her. LOL. We talk about other things, but I (and a couple of the other moms) just aren't feeling it. We get together out of obligation. Obviously, no one wants to stand up and declare that they are not interested and why, should we just give this the slow fade?

[Anonymous]

I'd go every once in a while for your child but I'd speak up and tell her you are not comfortable with the gossip. Try to have the kid over your house vs. going to his or her house.

[Anonymous]

My child struggled socially at one point. When he finally landed with a nice group of friends, I would have done just about anything to keep those friends in his circle.

So, if I worried that saying "no" to this mom would complicate the relationship for the boys, I would have sucked it up.

I do think that your post suggests that you need to step back and find your own friends outside of the school community - I never knew enough about any of the moms to have gotten caught up in gossip. I could never have written your post because I wouldn't have known any of that information.

What I would do is make sure that your house is a fun place to be. Good snacks, lots of space, and a mom who smiles hello, brings food and is otherwise invisible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My child struggled socially at one point. When he finally landed with a nice group of friends, I would have done just about anything to keep those friends in his circle.

So, if I worried that saying "no" to this mom would complicate the relationship for the boys, I would have sucked it up.

I do think that your post suggests that you need to step back and find your own friends outside of the school community - I never knew enough about any of the moms to have gotten caught up in gossip. I could never have written your post because I wouldn't have known any of that information.

What I would do is make sure that your house is a fun place to be. Good snacks, lots of space, and a mom who smiles hello, brings food and is otherwise invisible.

How to be invisible pls?

[Anonymous]

Sounds like you and some of the other parents do quite a bit of gossiping yourselves.

[Anonymous]

I would keep declining invites. Just because our teens are friends doesn’t mean we have to be friends. I’m polite, but distant (extreme introvert).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you and some of the other parents do quite a bit of gossiping yourselves.

No. It has been going on for some time, and we feel like we should not let it continue.

[Anonymous]

Your kids are teens and you're THIS involved with the other parents? My DD is in 10th grade and I JUST met her best friend's parents at Back to School night, and they were close all last year too. You are all way too involved and overthinking everything way too much.

[Anonymous]

I (and a couple of the other moms) just aren't feeling it.

How do you know this? YOU TALK ABOUT IT. You're talking about this other Mom, with other Moms - and you don't think that is a problem? This is a messed-up situation. Leave the teens to be friends/or not, and you adults look for a social outlet somewhere else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I (and a couple of the other moms) just aren't feeling it.

How do you know this? YOU TALK ABOUT IT. You're talking about this other Mom, with other Moms - and you don't think that is a problem? This is a messed-up situation. Leave the teens to be friends/or not, and you adults look for a social outlet somewhere else.

+1. You dislike the mom because she gossips. How do you know so much about how the other moms feel about her? Ohhh, because YOU GOSSIP.

Op, your use of "we" as though you are speaking for a group, indicates you are all friends and talk frequently. Maybe this mom is just trying to break into the group and make friends. Give her a chance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you and some of the other parents do quite a bit of gossiping yourselves.

No. It has been going on for some time, and we feel like we should not let it continue.

What grade are you talking about?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DC choose their own friends, they are teens, and I respect their decisions, with guidance of course. Question: what if you find the parents to be unbearable? Does it affect who you allow your teen to spend time with? There is a mom of the friend group who insists on arranging lunches and being "buddies" with the moms of the DC friends. She seems into what some people call "social engineering", and really "aware" of appearances (people, clothes, house, etc. - which would not be offensive if the behavior wasn't outwardly aggressive). I am not all that interested, nor are the other moms. We feel she has ill intent, as she is a known gossip. In fact, we are not all that confident that she her planning get togethers are not for gossip related reasons. We have heard her talk about one fo the moms in an unfavorable light, and her depiction is inaccurate (we have known that particular mom for years, and there are one or two Queen Bee moms, who gossip mom and a couple others bow down to, but we are not involved or interested). The mom she talked about is kind, thoughtful and genuine - maybe that is why the mean moms don't like her. LOL. We talk about other things, but I (and a couple of the other moms) just aren't feeling it. We get together out of obligation. Obviously, no one wants to stand up and declare that they are not interested and why, should we just give this the slow fade?

How old are the kids? Is this private or public? Private is more social I find. How often are these lunches? Monthly? Yearly?

[Anonymous]

It sounds like you don't like her so why would you hang out with her? If you need to be friends with the mother in order for the daughter to he friends with yours, it sounds like a fair weather friend destined for hard times ahead. I'd cut it off immediately

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I (and a couple of the other moms) just aren't feeling it.

How do you know this? YOU TALK ABOUT IT. You're talking about this other Mom, with other Moms - and you don't think that is a problem? This is a messed-up situation. Leave the teens to be friends/or not, and you adults look for a social outlet somewhere else.

And, gossiping on here as if she is for real that mom or other moms could easily read it here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My child struggled socially at one point. When he finally landed with a nice group of friends, I would have done just about anything to keep those friends in his circle.

So, if I worried that saying "no" to this mom would complicate the relationship for the boys, I would have sucked it up.

I do think that your post suggests that you need to step back and find your own friends outside of the school community - I never knew enough about any of the moms to have gotten caught up in gossip. I could never have written your post because I wouldn't have known any of that information.

What I would do is make sure that your house is a fun place to be. Good snacks, lots of space, and a mom who smiles hello, brings food and is otherwise invisible.

How to be invisible pls?

Easy peasy. Go to another room or out to dinner.