If you don't like the parents

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DC choose their own friends, they are teens, and I respect their decisions, with guidance of course. Question: what if you find the parents to be unbearable? Does it affect who you allow your teen to spend time with? There is a mom of the friend group who insists on arranging lunches and being "buddies" with the moms of the DC friends. She seems into what some people call "social engineering", and really "aware" of appearances (people, clothes, house, etc. - which would not be offensive if the behavior wasn't outwardly aggressive). I am not all that interested, nor are the other moms. We feel she has ill intent, as she is a known gossip. In fact, we are not all that confident that she her planning get togethers are not for gossip related reasons. We have heard her talk about one fo the moms in an unfavorable light, and her depiction is inaccurate (we have known that particular mom for years, and there are one or two Queen Bee moms, who gossip mom and a couple others bow down to, but we are not involved or interested). The mom she talked about is kind, thoughtful and genuine - maybe that is why the mean moms don't like her. LOL. We talk about other things, but I (and a couple of the other moms) just aren't feeling it. We get together out of obligation. Obviously, no one wants to stand up and declare that they are not interested and why, should we just give this the slow fade?

Moms of boys or girls? Girl moms can be closer on some levels. Is she part of the country club scene?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you and some of the other parents do quite a bit of gossiping yourselves.

No. It has been going on for some time, and we feel like we should not let it continue.

What has been going on a long time? The weekly/monthly lunches?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DC choose their own friends, they are teens, and I respect their decisions, with guidance of course. Question: what if you find the parents to be unbearable? Does it affect who you allow your teen to spend time with? There is a mom of the friend group who insists on arranging lunches and being "buddies" with the moms of the DC friends. She seems into what some people call "social engineering", and really "aware" of appearances (people, clothes, house, etc. - which would not be offensive if the behavior wasn't outwardly aggressive). I am not all that interested, nor are the other moms. We feel she has ill intent, as she is a known gossip. In fact, we are not all that confident that she her planning get togethers are not for gossip related reasons. We have heard her talk about one fo the moms in an unfavorable light, and her depiction is inaccurate (we have known that particular mom for years, and there are one or two Queen Bee moms, who gossip mom and a couple others bow down to, but we are not involved or interested). The mom she talked about is kind, thoughtful and genuine - maybe that is why the mean moms don't like her. LOL. We talk about other things, but I (and a couple of the other moms) just aren't feeling it. We get together out of obligation. Obviously, no one wants to stand up and declare that they are not interested and why, should we just give this the slow fade?

Your writing sounds very familiar. Do you post on here a lot and complain about this mom or other moms often? It sounds very familiar.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DC choose their own friends, they are teens, and I respect their decisions, with guidance of course. Question: what if you find the parents to be unbearable? Does it affect who you allow your teen to spend time with? There is a mom of the friend group who insists on arranging lunches and being "buddies" with the moms of the DC friends. She seems into what some people call "social engineering", and really "aware" of appearances (people, clothes, house, etc. - which would not be offensive if the behavior wasn't outwardly aggressive). I am not all that interested, nor are the other moms. We feel she has ill intent, as she is a known gossip. In fact, we are not all that confident that she her planning get togethers are not for gossip related reasons. We have heard her talk about one fo the moms in an unfavorable light, and her depiction is inaccurate (we have known that particular mom for years, and there are one or two Queen Bee moms, who gossip mom and a couple others bow down to, but we are not involved or interested). The mom she talked about is kind, thoughtful and genuine - maybe that is why the mean moms don't like her. LOL. We talk about other things, but I (and a couple of the other moms) just aren't feeling it. We get together out of obligation. Obviously, no one wants to stand up and declare that they are not interested and why, should we just give this the slow fade?

Does she belong to a country club that gets criticized very often on the forums and is very openly conservative? She sounds kind of familiar.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DC choose their own friends, they are teens, and I respect their decisions, with guidance of course. Question: what if you find the parents to be unbearable? Does it affect who you allow your teen to spend time with? There is a mom of the friend group who insists on arranging lunches and being "buddies" with the moms of the DC friends. She seems into what some people call "social engineering", and really "aware" of appearances (people, clothes, house, etc. - which would not be offensive if the behavior wasn't outwardly aggressive). I am not all that interested, nor are the other moms. We feel she has ill intent, as she is a known gossip. In fact, we are not all that confident that she her planning get togethers are not for gossip related reasons. We have heard her talk about one fo the moms in an unfavorable light, and her depiction is inaccurate (we have known that particular mom for years, and there are one or two Queen Bee moms, who gossip mom and a couple others bow down to, but we are not involved or interested). The mom she talked about is kind, thoughtful and genuine - maybe that is why the mean moms don't like her. LOL. We talk about other things, but I (and a couple of the other moms) just aren't feeling it. We get together out of obligation. Obviously, no one wants to stand up and declare that they are not interested and why, should we just give this the slow fade?

Your writing sounds very familiar. Do you post on here a lot and complain about this mom or other moms often? It sounds very familiar.

No.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DC choose their own friends, they are teens, and I respect their decisions, with guidance of course. Question: what if you find the parents to be unbearable? Does it affect who you allow your teen to spend time with? There is a mom of the friend group who insists on arranging lunches and being "buddies" with the moms of the DC friends. She seems into what some people call "social engineering", and really "aware" of appearances (people, clothes, house, etc. - which would not be offensive if the behavior wasn't outwardly aggressive). I am not all that interested, nor are the other moms. We feel she has ill intent, as she is a known gossip. In fact, we are not all that confident that she her planning get togethers are not for gossip related reasons. We have heard her talk about one fo the moms in an unfavorable light, and her depiction is inaccurate (we have known that particular mom for years, and there are one or two Queen Bee moms, who gossip mom and a couple others bow down to, but we are not involved or interested). The mom she talked about is kind, thoughtful and genuine - maybe that is why the mean moms don't like her. LOL. We talk about other things, but I (and a couple of the other moms) just aren't feeling it. We get together out of obligation. Obviously, no one wants to stand up and declare that they are not interested and why, should we just give this the slow fade?

Does she belong to a country club that gets criticized very often on the forums and is very openly conservative? She sounds kind of familiar.

No.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you and some of the other parents do quite a bit of gossiping yourselves.

My impression as well. Sounds like OP is seeking permission to be a mean girl.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DC choose their own friends, they are teens, and I respect their decisions, with guidance of course. Question: what if you find the parents to be unbearable? Does it affect who you allow your teen to spend time with? There is a mom of the friend group who insists on arranging lunches and being "buddies" with the moms of the DC friends. She seems into what some people call "social engineering", and really "aware" of appearances (people, clothes, house, etc. - which would not be offensive if the behavior wasn't outwardly aggressive). I am not all that interested, nor are the other moms. We feel she has ill intent, as she is a known gossip. In fact, we are not all that confident that she her planning get togethers are not for gossip related reasons. We have heard her talk about one fo the moms in an unfavorable light, and her depiction is inaccurate (we have known that particular mom for years, and there are one or two Queen Bee moms, who gossip mom and a couple others bow down to, but we are not involved or interested). The mom she talked about is kind, thoughtful and genuine - maybe that is why the mean moms don't like her. LOL. We talk about other things, but I (and a couple of the other moms) just aren't feeling it. We get together out of obligation. Obviously, no one wants to stand up and declare that they are not interested and why, should we just give this the slow fade?

Your writing sounds very familiar. Do you post on here a lot and complain about this mom or other moms often? It sounds very familiar.

No.

Have you had a lunch this year? What grade are the kids and are these the parents of boys or girls?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DC choose their own friends, they are teens, and I respect their decisions, with guidance of course. Question: what if you find the parents to be unbearable? Does it affect who you allow your teen to spend time with? There is a mom of the friend group who insists on arranging lunches and being "buddies" with the moms of the DC friends. She seems into what some people call "social engineering", and really "aware" of appearances (people, clothes, house, etc. - which would not be offensive if the behavior wasn't outwardly aggressive). I am not all that interested, nor are the other moms. We feel she has ill intent, as she is a known gossip. In fact, we are not all that confident that she her planning get togethers are not for gossip related reasons. We have heard her talk about one fo the moms in an unfavorable light, and her depiction is inaccurate (we have known that particular mom for years, and there are one or two Queen Bee moms, who gossip mom and a couple others bow down to, but we are not involved or interested). The mom she talked about is kind, thoughtful and genuine - maybe that is why the mean moms don't like her. LOL. We talk about other things, but I (and a couple of the other moms) just aren't feeling it. We get together out of obligation. Obviously, no one wants to stand up and declare that they are not interested and why, should we just give this the slow fade?

Your writing sounds very familiar. Do you post on here a lot and complain about this mom or other moms often? It sounds very familiar.

No.

Have you had a lunch this year? What grade are the kids and are these the parents of boys or girls?

Just trying to get a sense of what these lunches and events entail and did she just send out something recently that prompted you to post this thread? Trying to figure out where your thread is coming from so we can give you advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DC choose their own friends, they are teens, and I respect their decisions, with guidance of course. Question: what if you find the parents to be unbearable? Does it affect who you allow your teen to spend time with? There is a mom of the friend group who insists on arranging lunches and being "buddies" with the moms of the DC friends. She seems into what some people call "social engineering", and really "aware" of appearances (people, clothes, house, etc. - which would not be offensive if the behavior wasn't outwardly aggressive). I am not all that interested, nor are the other moms. We feel she has ill intent, as she is a known gossip. In fact, we are not all that confident that she her planning get togethers are not for gossip related reasons. We have heard her talk about one fo the moms in an unfavorable light, and her depiction is inaccurate (we have known that particular mom for years, and there are one or two Queen Bee moms, who gossip mom and a couple others bow down to, but we are not involved or interested). The mom she talked about is kind, thoughtful and genuine - maybe that is why the mean moms don't like her. LOL. We talk about other things, but I (and a couple of the other moms) just aren't feeling it. We get together out of obligation. Obviously, no one wants to stand up and declare that they are not interested and why, should we just give this the slow fade?

Op what kind of school? Small private or larger? Different schools have different social vibes among parents. Also are these older teens? If so let kids handle it. If she’s treating for lunch and you don’t want to go, then don’t go and save her some money.

[Anonymous]

I avoid those people and teach my children to avoid such people too. However they can be perfectly cordial and occasionally get together with their kids. It's a good lesson in compartmentalizing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DC choose their own friends, they are teens, and I respect their decisions, with guidance of course. Question: what if you find the parents to be unbearable? Does it affect who you allow your teen to spend time with? There is a mom of the friend group who insists on arranging lunches and being "buddies" with the moms of the DC friends. She seems into what some people call "social engineering", and really "aware" of appearances (people, clothes, house, etc. - which would not be offensive if the behavior wasn't outwardly aggressive). I am not all that interested, nor are the other moms. We feel she has ill intent, as she is a known gossip. In fact, we are not all that confident that she her planning get togethers are not for gossip related reasons. We have heard her talk about one fo the moms in an unfavorable light, and her depiction is inaccurate (we have known that particular mom for years, and there are one or two Queen Bee moms, who gossip mom and a couple others bow down to, but we are not involved or interested). The mom she talked about is kind, thoughtful and genuine - maybe that is why the mean moms don't like her. LOL. We talk about other things, but I (and a couple of the other moms) just aren't feeling it. We get together out of obligation. Obviously, no one wants to stand up and declare that they are not interested and why, should we just give this the slow fade?

Don’t say yes out of obligation. Did you ever think maybe she’s just being inclusive? I would never ever want someone to say yes to an invite I hav extended if it’s an obligation. Hosting costs a lot of money and I only want people there who like me and who want to be there. I’m sure she feels the same and it’s no loss on her end if you politely bow out. I never say yes to anything unless I’m truly there with genuine sincerity. Nothing worse than having someone attend something you planned and then go talk about you behind your back and say how much they dislike you and how much they dislike being there. Better to politely decline but definitely don’t ruin kids friendships.

[Anonymous]

I 100% don't like the parents of one of my daughter's friends. They 100% don't like us. I think the friend is a love. My daughter has tried and tried to set up plans for them to hang out outside of school and the answer for years has been no. So basically they know that their only time to hang out is in school or at school events.

[Anonymous]

my daughter has a very good friend whose mom who has been nasty to me. I am trying to "let it go" in the interest of allowing the friendship between the girls to continue. But it's not easy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My child struggled socially at one point. When he finally landed with a nice group of friends, I would have done just about anything to keep those friends in his circle.

So, if I worried that saying "no" to this mom would complicate the relationship for the boys, I would have sucked it up.

I do think that your post suggests that you need to step back and find your own friends outside of the school community - I never knew enough about any of the moms to have gotten caught up in gossip. I could never have written your post because I wouldn't have known any of that information.

What I would do is make sure that your house is a fun place to be. Good snacks, lots of space, and a mom who smiles hello, brings food and is otherwise invisible.

How to be invisible pls?

Don’t keep popping in n them to “check” something.