Divorce and FERS- will you really not remarry?

[Anonymous]

I’m looking over my draft separation agreement and all this stuff from OPM and I’ll get about $800 a month via e-DHs FERS retirement thought my marital portion. But I’m not even 40... and I would need to wait until after 55 to remarry to be eligible for it. I don’t have a crystal ball, but..... seems like something I’ll never see. I told my lawyer I should trade something for it but she looked at me funny and said I was entitled to it. And I’m being pretty reasonable with everything else (50/50). Do people really take this and wait until 55 to remarry?

[Anonymous]

My husband's ex never remarried and has just lived with her boyfriend the past 20 years (makes no sense as she could have gotten the same benefits from him plus his health care). So, yes, if you want your portion. However, when he dies, if she outlives him, she gets nothing so she better wish him a long healthy life.

[Anonymous]

yes

[Anonymous]

I would never remarry, regardless.

[Anonymous]

I would never ever remarry. I am a woman (40). I have no idea why anyone would consider marriage a second time.

[Anonymous]

I’m the OP. I’m not dying to remarry. But I’m also trying to be realistic. This asset is worth upward of 200k if we live 25 years past retirement.

[Anonymous]

You do realize there are people who never marry in the first place, right? That some people actually choose to be single, because they prefer it or because they never meet someone they want to marry?

So then, accepting that marriage is not an absolute must-do for everyone, then consider someone who did try, but the marriage didn't work, and a subsequent divorce...yes, there are people who not only realize it might take them 15 years to want/choose to remarry, there are people who are either unsure they will ever remarry and there are those who are committed to never remarrying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You do realize there are people who never marry in the first place, right? That some people actually choose to be single, because they prefer it or because they never meet someone they want to marry?

So then, accepting that marriage is not an absolute must-do for everyone, then consider someone who did try, but the marriage didn't work, and a subsequent divorce...yes, there are people who not only realize it might take them 15 years to want/choose to remarry, there are people who are either unsure they will ever remarry and there are those who are committed to never remarrying.

OP- yes of course you are correct. But that is because they’re making a choice of free will (if I’m reading what you’re saying correctly), not because they are holding out for an economic benefit that is spelled out in a contract.

[Anonymous]

I don't recall how the marital portion of FERS works, but it could be that the reason your attorney looked at you funny is because whatever your ex would be willing to trade it for is worth significantly less than what you'd get if you didn't remarry and both of your lived an average number of years past retirement. I doubt your ex would trade it for lump sum of 200K.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You do realize there are people who never marry in the first place, right? That some people actually choose to be single, because they prefer it or because they never meet someone they want to marry?

So then, accepting that marriage is not an absolute must-do for everyone, then consider someone who did try, but the marriage didn't work, and a subsequent divorce...yes, there are people who not only realize it might take them 15 years to want/choose to remarry, there are people who are either unsure they will ever remarry and there are those who are committed to never remarrying.

OP- yes of course you are correct. But that is because they’re making a choice of free will (if I’m reading what you’re saying correctly), not because they are holding out for an economic benefit that is spelled out in a contract.

Yes, you read it correctly. It sounds like you're certain you want to give marriage another go and are confident that will happen within the time period, and ggiven that, it makes sense to negotiate for something that will have more value to you, since this will have none if you do remarry within that time frame.

I think we're all just saying that for a lot of people, the idea that they won't remarry is a likelihood or even a given, because of how they feel about marriage after a divorce/the likelihood of meeting someone. So what your lawyer is suggesting makes sense for a lot of people, not because they are willing to hold off on a remarriage they really want for the financial benefits, but because they don't really want a remarriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would never ever remarry. I am a woman (40). I have no idea why anyone would consider marriage a second time.

Guy here. I was in my mid 30s when my exDW cheated and left for another guy. We had 2 small kids. My heart was broken but I knew I am a hopeless romantic and enjoy sharing life with a wife. I knew I wanted to love again and eventually met a great girl, whom I married. Not for everyone, I get it, but it is for some. Now, I can't imagine doing this AGAIN! lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would never ever remarry. I am a woman (40). I have no idea why anyone would consider marriage a second time.

Maybe consider the possibility that not everyone is you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would never ever remarry. I am a woman (40). I have no idea why anyone would consider marriage a second time.

Yep.

My mom is in her 70s and has lived with her BF for 30 years. As long as you have a will/power of attorney, why is marriage needed anymore?

[Anonymous]

Bad breakup, she cheated. I would never pay a dime to an ex who has another man to support her. That’s his job. If she wants both his company and my money, that says something bad about her. She should try to get what is due her up front, and make a clean break. I’d leave the country rather than pay monthly while some other guy sleeps where I used to. I’d mislead the government to prevent it from paying her my money. (Kids, that’s different.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Bad breakup, she cheated. I would never pay a dime to an ex who has another man to support her. That’s his job. If she wants both his company and my money, that says something bad about her. She should try to get what is due her up front, and make a clean break. I’d leave the country rather than pay monthly while some other guy sleeps where I used to. I’d mislead the government to prevent it from paying her my money. (Kids, that’s different.)

Bad breakup, addicted husband left 13 year marriage and three kids.

I’ll happily take his checks while I bed a man in the bed and home we used to share.

Thanks!