pet deaths -- traumatic or strengthening?

[Anonymous]

I always felt like I had been traumatized by the death of my childhood dog. Full disclosure [trigger warning -- pet death -- maybe stop reading now]: he was hit by a car and died in my lap en route to the vet.

So, pet death has always been one of the main reasons I've cited for not having pets for my own kids (other than scooping poop... I'm not sure I can deal with scooping poop... we lived in a very rural area and our dog had a large chunk of forest at his disposal, so to say, but we live in DC, so it would be a stinky litterbox or sidewalks and plastic bags for us)

But then I just had this thought... maybe the trauma of losing a pet has made me better prepared for the human losses of real life.... I had never considered this before.

What are your thoughts?

[Anonymous]

I honestly don't think they're connected. I don't think losing my childhood dog has made me more ready to lose my parents, for example. But everybody's different.

If pets and their deaths offer a lesson, I'd say that it's a lesson about life being short and precious, and joy being worth the grief of loss as well as the mundane hassles of caring for someone. Not sure how much kids pick that up, though.

[Anonymous]

That's the idea, that the grief of losing a pet is practice for larger griefs. However, we lost our family dog to cancer almost a year ago and DS still cries sometimes.

[Anonymous]

Basically the love a child experiences with a pet makes the death part worth it. Animals can be very soothing when life has got you down. I wouldn’t get one to practice grieving. What a morbid way of looking at pets!

[Anonymous]

You don't have to get a pet but the bigger problem is you seem to think you can prevent your kids from ever having to experience grief or loss and you can't. They will experience it, it will hurt, and you cannot stop it or avoid it. If it's not a pet it will be a friend, a loved one, etc. Trauma and sadness are a part of life. You don't intentionally inflict it of course but you cannot shelter them from it forever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You don't have to get a pet but the bigger problem is you seem to think you can prevent your kids from ever having to experience grief or loss and you can't. They will experience it, it will hurt, and you cannot stop it or avoid it. If it's not a pet it will be a friend, a loved one, etc. Trauma and sadness are a part of life. You don't intentionally inflict it of course but you cannot shelter them from it forever.

This

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don't have to get a pet but the bigger problem is you seem to think you can prevent your kids from ever having to experience grief or loss and you can't. They will experience it, it will hurt, and you cannot stop it or avoid it. If it's not a pet it will be a friend, a loved one, etc. Trauma and sadness are a part of life. You don't intentionally inflict it of course but you cannot shelter them from it forever.

This

+1
And yes, of course, losing a pet is devastating. But the years of unconditional love, and how kids learn responsibility and compassion, are so worth it. It's unfair that they are only here for a short time in our lives but the time we do get is so rewarding.

[Anonymous]

Better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all

[Anonymous]

I agree that they are strengthening OP.
The only way to truly appreciate something is to be able to compare what it feels like not to have the thing you love.

[Anonymous]

Both.

[Anonymous]

So we should just not love things so we won’t feel sorrow someday? That is a sad way to live. And obviously not what you really think as you had kids. I encourage you to reevaluate your beliefs on this.

Watching the bond between my kids and their pets is remarkable and so joyous for me. Yes, we have lost 2 over the years. The sweetest thing ever was when I lost a horse I had for 20 years and my son decided to make me a sympathy card while at school. It is in my special box of life treasures.

[Anonymous]

So we should just not love things so we won’t feel sorrow someday? That is a sad way to live. And obviously not what you really think as you had kids. I encourage you to reevaluate your beliefs on this.

Watching the bond between my kids and their pets is remarkable and so joyous for me. Yes, we have lost 2 over the years. The sweetest thing ever was when I lost a horse I had for 20 years and my son decided to make me a sympathy card while at school. It is in my special box of life treasures.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don't have to get a pet but the bigger problem is you seem to think you can prevent your kids from ever having to experience grief or loss and you can't. They will experience it, it will hurt, and you cannot stop it or avoid it. If it's not a pet it will be a friend, a loved one, etc. Trauma and sadness are a part of life. You don't intentionally inflict it of course but you cannot shelter them from it forever.

This

+1
And yes, of course, losing a pet is devastating. But the years of unconditional love, and how kids learn responsibility and compassion, are so worth it. It's unfair that they are only here for a short time in our lives but the time we do get is so rewarding.

+2

[Anonymous]

Take this with a grain of salt because thank goodness I have not lost anyone that was devastating (parent, child, sibling), but being with my dog when she had to be out to sleep was traumatic. It took me 2 1/2 years and a lot of begging from my kids to agree to get another dog. Having another dog really helps you move forward with the grief from losing one. But it is always in the back of my mind that it is only a matter of years before I may be right back there again. But I can't let that thought prevent me from experiencing the amazingly unconditional love that dogs bring to our lives.

[Anonymous]

I would not give up the sixteen years I had of cuddling my dog and laughing with her and sleeping with her, and letting her tug me over to crying babies so she could check on them, for all the times over the last year that I've cried because she died of old age.