pet deaths -- traumatic or strengthening?

[Anonymous]

My dog had to be put down suddenly when my DH was overseas, I was 8 mo pregnant and had a 2 year old. I still feel traumatized by it. My son didn't understand why I cried and had a tantrum in the office, DH was upset because he didn't understand the severity of the dog's illness (puking blood while seizing for days) and then I was all alone. Even burying the dog was awful because I didn't have the upper body strength I normally have due to my pregnancy. Just one big fml moment. I spent weeks crying and didn't feel whole until the baby was born. DH still talks about "maybe there was something we could have done for the dog." gah. Except the vets took one look at my poor dog and had papers for me to sign to put it to sleep.

I'd still get another dog in an instant if I could find a breeder who would let their dog go to a family with young children. The good outweighs the bad a million to one. The end is never good even when it's a dog life well lived.

[Anonymous]

We lost our family dog a couple months ago, all of us were crushed. We had him almost 11 years and many great memories. We still have another dog a few years younger but doesn’t fill the void.

None of us feel stronger but wouldn’t give back the memories we had....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don't have to get a pet but the bigger problem is you seem to think you can prevent your kids from ever having to experience grief or loss and you can't. They will experience it, it will hurt, and you cannot stop it or avoid it. If it's not a pet it will be a friend, a loved one, etc. Trauma and sadness are a part of life. You don't intentionally inflict it of course but you cannot shelter them from it forever.

This

+1
And yes, of course, losing a pet is devastating. But the years of unconditional love, and how kids learn responsibility and compassion, are so worth it. It's unfair that they are only here for a short time in our lives but the time we do get is so rewarding.

+2

+3
OP - your experience of the loss of your pet WAS traumatic. It was unexpected and he was injured horribly and that's a terrible way to see someone you love die. But do you wish you had never had your pet?

We all will experience grief at some point in our lives. Every situation will be unique and each adds to who we are. But our ability to handle it comes from previous experiences in life, our support systems, and our own emotional well-being. My children have learned about grief and how to handle it - from sad stories where the pet or a family member dies, from the sometimes short-lived fish, from the pet guinea pigs that we've buried in the backyard, from the 20-yr old cat who died of old age, and from attending extended family funerals. This helped prepare them for the death of their elderly grandfather. And each experience helps prepare them for the next - to appreciate the love they had, to not take for granted the time they are given, and to know that life goes on, even as they carry the grief from their losses in a special place in their hearts.

[Anonymous]

We just lost our dog to cancer today. I would do it all again in a heartbeat. She was a great part of our lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We just lost our dog to cancer today. I would do it all again in a heartbeat. She was a great part of our lives.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all

This made me tear up. I had to put my cat down a few months ago and it was SO hard. I wouldn’t trade that time with him for anything.

[Anonymous]

OP, I still tear up when I think of my beloved 12 year old Dane that we lost when I was pregnant with DD (now almost 2). She was truly my “soul dog”. Even typing this post makes me have that awful feeling in my heart.

We lost our 18 year old cat a few months later. It was heartbreaking. He was the reason DD’s first word was “cat”.

That being said, I want my daughter to know that kind of love. We have one cat still, and she and DD adore each other. She’s a very indpenendent soul, so she’s not going to be the only pet here forever. When the time is right, we will get another dog (hopefully another Dane). The sadness they leave behind when the house is empty of them is wrenching, but there is also NOTHING that compares to that steady joy, love, and companionship. I wish relationships with people were as easy and forgiving. I want my child to experience that. Loss happens every where in life. Friends move away. Grandparents die. There is enough loss, but never enough love.

[Anonymous]

It is both traumatic and strengthening if you are properly supported in handling the trauma.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My dog had to be put down suddenly when my DH was overseas, I was 8 mo pregnant and had a 2 year old. I still feel traumatized by it. My son didn't understand why I cried and had a tantrum in the office, DH was upset because he didn't understand the severity of the dog's illness (puking blood while seizing for days) and then I was all alone. Even burying the dog was awful because I didn't have the upper body strength I normally have due to my pregnancy. Just one big fml moment. I spent weeks crying and didn't feel whole until the baby was born. DH still talks about "maybe there was something we could have done for the dog." gah. Except the vets took one look at my poor dog and had papers for me to sign to put it to sleep.

I'd still get another dog in an instant if I could find a breeder who would let their dog go to a family with young children. The good outweighs the bad a million to one. The end is never good even when it's a dog life well lived.

I'm sorry. I'm particularly sorry your DH voices doubts about how you handled the dog's illness, that's really cruel.

[Anonymous]

OP, I think your experience was more traumatic than the average pet death. Fido getting older and having to be humanely euthanized is a lot different than a sudden traumatic injury. It could happen with a future pet, but probably it won't.

We had a small pet die when my son was 3. He wasn't super attached to the pet, but it was his first experience with death and I think he learned from it. It also helped him understand that our senior dog, whom he is MUCH more attached to, will die, too, some day. That upset him, but it is a fact of life and at least it won't be a huge shock when it does happen.

Death is a part of life, we all have to face that, even as children. I would not forgo the joy of having beloved pets because of their mortality. That said, I might feel more sensitive about it if I went through what you did, so I do understand your hesitance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I still tear up when I think of my beloved 12 year old Dane that we lost when I was pregnant with DD (now almost 2). She was truly my “soul dog”. Even typing this post makes me have that awful feeling in my heart.

We lost our 18 year old cat a few months later. It was heartbreaking. He was the reason DD’s first word was “cat”.

That being said, I want my daughter to know that kind of love. We have one cat still, and she and DD adore each other. She’s a very indpenendent soul, so she’s not going to be the only pet here forever. When the time is right, we will get another dog (hopefully another Dane). The sadness they leave behind when the house is empty of them is wrenching, but there is also NOTHING that compares to that steady joy, love, and companionship. I wish relationships with people were as easy and forgiving. I want my child to experience that. Loss happens every where in life. Friends move away. Grandparents die. There is enough loss, but never enough love.

Aw, I have an old Dane, too. I am expecting and am kind of bummed out that he might not be around much, if at all for this baby. He and my preschooler are best buds. By the way, 12 years for a Dane is amazing. You must have taken awesome care of her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would not give up the sixteen years I had of cuddling my dog and laughing with her and sleeping with her, and letting her tug me over to crying babies so she could check on them, for all the times over the last year that I've cried because she died of old age.

This is it exactly......the joy of having them is so overwhelming that it makes the pain of losing them worthwhile

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not give up the sixteen years I had of cuddling my dog and laughing with her and sleeping with her, and letting her tug me over to crying babies so she could check on them, for all the times over the last year that I've cried because she died of old age.

This is it exactly......the joy of having them is so overwhelming that it makes the pain of losing them worthwhile

....I'm the poster above, and after I posted, I was reminded of a bit of prose I came across a while ago. I'm paraphrasing it - to a great degree - but it went something like this:

One rainy night, just three weeks after my beloved cat died at age 18, I heard a soft "meow" and gentle scratch at the front door. I went to investigate and there at my feet was a scrawny little cat, fur drenching wet, begging for "in."

"What?," I exclaimed to the animal, "you think I want to go through what I just have for the past few months? Cleaning cat throw-up off my bed and cat poop on the carpet? Going back and forth to the vet as my darling cat declined, and prodding her to eat? With thousands of dollars of bills? And then going through all that unspeakable grief as I watched the needle go in her vein, watch as her eyes closed one final time, and witnessed her last breath? Do you think I'd voluntarily go through that again, just in order to have a cat?"

...."well," I said as I opened the door, "come on in!"