I can’t divorce husband because I can’t trust him alone with our kids

[Anonymous]

Even our couples counselor said he wasn’t capable of safely handling two kids on his own.

For the sake of argument, please accept this as fact. And yes, he has already threatened me with joint custody if I divorce him. And I don’t love him.

How do I make the best out of this situation? How do we make a good life for our kids under these circumstances?

[Anonymous]

If this is fact, you sue for sole custody. His threat means nothing if you have evidence that the children are unsafe with him. At best he will get limited, supervised visits.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If this is fact, you sue for sole custody. His threat means nothing if you have evidence that the children are unsafe with him. At best he will get limited, supervised visits.

Not true. Most judges would give him weekend visits if it is a he said/she said even with the therapists recommendation. As long as he isn’t breaking the law, drinking, etc. he will get weekends at least.

[Anonymous]

How old are DCs?

[Anonymous]

Sleep away camp and boarding school

[Anonymous]

I’d start with a co-parenting coach.

[Anonymous]

Be amicable and remind yourself why you are staying. Try not to get riled up and look to your kids when you feel like you’re going to be miserable forever.

Not everyone gets the fairytale love story, but you can at least sleep at night knowing your kids are safe. The anxiety from the chance of him getting joint custody (and further any alone time) isn’t worth it. It’s possible to revisit divorce again when the kids are older and able to take care of themselves, and you can use that as a light at the end of a tunnel

If you can, try and plan your own getaways with the kids so you can have some peace. Keep your schedule busy so you can just be two ships passing in the night.

I’m sorry you’re stuck in this situation.

[Anonymous]

Your couples counselor found him unfit to parent? What does your astrologist say? Hairstylist?

I'd get notarized opinions from all of them and take them before a judge. Should be an open and shut case!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Be amicable and remind yourself why you are staying. Try not to get riled up and look to your kids when you feel like you’re going to be miserable forever.

Not everyone gets the fairytale love story, but you can at least sleep at night knowing your kids are safe. The anxiety from the chance of him getting joint custody (and further any alone time) isn’t worth it. It’s possible to revisit divorce again when the kids are older and able to take care of themselves, and you can use that as a light at the end of a tunnel

If you can, try and plan your own getaways with the kids so you can have some peace. Keep your schedule busy so you can just be two ships passing in the night.

I’m sorry you’re stuck in this situation.

This is excellent advice. Thank you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Be amicable and remind yourself why you are staying. Try not to get riled up and look to your kids when you feel like you’re going to be miserable forever.

Not everyone gets the fairytale love story, but you can at least sleep at night knowing your kids are safe. The anxiety from the chance of him getting joint custody (and further any alone time) isn’t worth it. It’s possible to revisit divorce again when the kids are older and able to take care of themselves, and you can use that as a light at the end of a tunnel

If you can, try and plan your own getaways with the kids so you can have some peace. Keep your schedule busy so you can just be two ships passing in the night.

I’m sorry you’re stuck in this situation.

This is very good advice. I went through this but I was lucky to have a father who seriously put the fear of God in my ex that they were his grandchildren and they were all he cared about. My ex actually liked my Dad so he took the message seriously and things quickly worked out. Our relationship is good and my Dad and my ex still get along.

[Anonymous]

OP, you need to stick it out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Be amicable and remind yourself why you are staying. Try not to get riled up and look to your kids when you feel like you’re going to be miserable forever.

Not everyone gets the fairytale love story, but you can at least sleep at night knowing your kids are safe. The anxiety from the chance of him getting joint custody (and further any alone time) isn’t worth it. It’s possible to revisit divorce again when the kids are older and able to take care of themselves, and you can use that as a light at the end of a tunnel

If you can, try and plan your own getaways with the kids so you can have some peace. Keep your schedule busy so you can just be two ships passing in the night.

I’m sorry you’re stuck in this situation.

This is very good advice. I went through this but I was lucky to have a father who seriously put the fear of God in my ex that they were his grandchildren and they were all he cared about. My ex actually liked my Dad so he took the message seriously and things quickly worked out. Our relationship is good and my Dad and my ex still get along.

We all need a Dad like yours. Can you rent him out?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you need to stick it out.

She knows that. She is asking how best to do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you need to stick it out.

She knows that. She is asking how best to do it.

Without detail, I disagree. If he is not abusive, he can learn to take care of the children and she can hire psychologists to support sole custody if he is that bad. If they are older, the DCs can voice their preference. A number of Moms I know that divorced said their husbands could not wat h the kids but in reality it was because the Moms has done it all along and the Dads had zero experience. Of course, the Dads could have stepped up but they didn’t because their wives didn’t trust them and would micromanage any parenting they tried to do. The Dads post-divorce did step up and while likely not parenting the kids the way the Moms would like, the kids are fine.

[Anonymous]

I got a husband like this out of the house 7 months ago. I can’t even begin to tell you how much better our lives are. He has every other weekend and is court ordered to not consume alcohol at any time the kids are in his care. He only has them 4 nights a month and it’s been fine.

The emotional freedom that comes from getting such a spouse out of the home is amazing. I thought I would die when this all came about- I really did. BUT, that was because I had been dealing with verbal abuse for 2 years. The kids felt it, saw it- and now DONT any more. I hope to have another 40 years ahead of me and I’m not apending them with a sick mo after. Nor are my kids.

Get him out.