What do you do with an unathletic boy?

[Anonymous]

My son is not athletic at all. He is 9. We have tried all types of sports and it is just painful to watch. At his age now, things have gotten so competitive that it's just too late for him to even get on any team because most require tryouts. It's not like I wanted my kids to be star athletes, but I do worry about what MS and HS will be like for him. He is sweet, innocent, super cautious, not agressive... We will continue with tennis lessons, which he seems to like better. But I just don't know if that will prevent PE being a misery for him in MS & HS. And I go back and forth between just accepting that he doesn't like sports and trying other activities to making him do some sports because sports is a skill that you can get better at (even if he won't ever be great at it). I would love some advice, especially from parents of MS/HS kids.

[Anonymous]

love him
accept him
nurture his talents
not every boy is athletic

[Anonymous]

PP. I agree with you. I also have 2 different boys, just accept him and do not worry at all.

[Anonymous]

I was the same way as a pre-teen and got very lazy and chunky. But I turned it around, despite my hatred for "athletics" so I'll tell you what you need to do: Buy him a great bike and make him ride it anywhere he can ride to. In a couple years, when he's a bit older, stop driving him altogether.

[Anonymous]

Perhaps some individual sports that build coordination and strength....Tae Kwon Do, fencing?

[Anonymous]

I was thinking the same thing about trying 'individual' sports. Many kids are seen as not athletic because they are not on a team. I think sports where the motivator is to challenge oneself rather than be aggressive on a team is maybe what the labelled 'nonathletic' kid may need. I see things such as tennis (which you say he already loves), golf, running/track, biking, bowling (don't laugh)etc.

My husband was always dubbed as nonathletic but he at 40 is in the best shape of his life. He bikes and runs marathons.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't worry about him not being into sports, but focus instead on fitness to establish healthy habits. Running, swimming, hiking, or other noncompetitive activities. Tennis is great too. Golf without a cart? Anything you can do as a family? I never did any sports, but with my parents had pushed me to do more with my free time than read.

[Anonymous]

Be grateful you won't have to shell out the dough for all the lessons, equipment, travel etc. and then find out what your boy REALLY wants to do - maybe he'd like to do math/science stuff - or maybe theater - not everyone has to be an athlete to be accepted. Also, maybe he'd like to try running - Running is a good sport that doesn't require team stuff, and doesn't require much hand/eye coordination (and still doesn't require shelling out a lot of dough)...

[Anonymous]

I think there's a big difference between being concerned that your child has good general fitness and being concerned that your child is athletic.

If you're concerned that he is too sedentary and just needs to be more active, by all means, I think you should encourage him to get out and do whatever he'll enjoy that will also get him some exercise.

If your main concern is that he's not good at or interested in sports, though, I think you should back off and let him be who he is. Not every boy enjoys sports. What does he like? Don't worry about him not being accepted in middle school or high school and push him into something because of that fear. It will be much harder on him to feel like his parents don't accept him as who he is than it would be to be a bit of an outsider at school. He can find his place in school and with his peers even if he's not into sports, but he might never get over feeling like you want him to be someone he isn't.

[Anonymous]

How about music? My husband was a drummer in middle and high school and to this day still has no interest in sports. I'm a happy wife - no golf, no football season in our house!

[Anonymous]

My son is similar to yours, OP, and I agree with all the previous posters. Focus on physical fitness and other hobbies. We just took DS to a mineral show and he was absolutely fascinated! He is looking forward to hiking/exploring and hunting for rocks. He also loves to fish. We tried soccer, wrestling, competitive swimming and he never really enjoyed the competitive aspect. He does like basketball and baseball but only participates on noncompetitive rec. leagues. Good luck to you and appreciate your loving , sweet and oh so very special son!

[Anonymous]

Parents are never happy. My boy is SUPER athletic, but he could hardly read and write (and he is 7), he can't entertain himself for 15 minutes, he always wants to be outside the house and do sports (any!)...
I wish he would be less athletic...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He does like basketball and baseball but only participates on noncompetitive rec. leagues.

OP here. What are these non-competitive rec leagues? I think that is part of the problem...that at his age, things have gotten so competitive that he can't participate in anything at all because they either require tryouts or because the other kids are so good that he feels intimidated. Are there less competitive ways to play sports...like baseball?

[Anonymous]

How about bike rides?

Speaking for myself, if I think of it as a fun thing to do outside instead of exercise or a sport, I'm all over it. I've been this way since I was a kid. Also, I really liked the autonomy of a bike.

[Anonymous]

As the parent of a teen and a tween, I would urge you not to write off sports so soon. There are plenty of sports left for your 9 y.o. to try -- and, yes, an individual sport is just as valid as a team sport. All sports teach discipline and resilience -- important qualities in any activity. So keep up the tennis lessons and also seek out opportunities for your son to explore other sports. For example, cross-country and track are sports that many kids start in middle school and high school.

I was not an athlete as a kid, though I loved riding my bike and wasn't sedentary by any means. I started playing tennis as an adult and found that I loved it. I only wish I'd started playing as a kids, especially when I see the rewards my own children have gained from sports. Our youngest is a natural athlete, but our oldest has had to work at it. He now plays two varsity sports -- one team and one individual -- and he's gotten so much out of this experience. I hope you'll help your son to find a niche so he can reap the same rewards.