First day of preschool did not go well :(

[Anonymous]

DD's first day of half-day preschool did not go well. She cried at drop off and kept saying she was scared and clung to me, which I expected. I'm told by her teacher that she did not engage at all with the other kids or the teachers the entire three hours. On the way home, she told me she was the "most nervous" kid and that she did not play anything because she was feeling nervous and she did not eat her snack, drink her water, nor use the bathroom with the other kids. She did not touch a single toy or activity (she told me this and the teacher confirmed it). She is 3.5 and she's met her teacher a few times before and we've had playdates with her classmates. She usually warms up but one of us is usually there with her - I was hoping she would warm up after a few minutes but she did not. Is this normal? I feel so sad for her.

[Anonymous]

Is this her first experience with a preschool setting? Does she have experience being away from you for extended periods? If so, has she ever reacted this way to a separation before?

[Anonymous]

Yeah, I really wonder what experience she's had being away from both parents for extended periods. This does seem like a more extreme response than most kids have, although there's a little girl who is crying pretty much every day when I pick DD up from preschool.

In any case, I hope this gets better!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is this her first experience with a preschool setting? Does she have experience being away from you for extended periods? If so, has she ever reacted this way to a separation before?

OP here. It's her first experience with a preschool setting. She has been away from me for extended periods (I WOH full time). She has always been taken care of by a family member (my sister) - she gets plenty of socialization on the weekends and weekdays but someone is usually around (either me, DH, grandma, aunt, etc.). She has cried at separation before (when I would drop her off to my mom's) but would stop crying within a few minutes and begin playing. I was expecting something akin to that today, but that did not happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this her first experience with a preschool setting? Does she have experience being away from you for extended periods? If so, has she ever reacted this way to a separation before?

OP here. It's her first experience with a preschool setting. She has been away from me for extended periods (I WOH full time). She has always been taken care of by a family member (my sister) - she gets plenty of socialization on the weekends and weekdays but someone is usually around (either me, DH, grandma, aunt, etc.). She has cried at separation before (when I would drop her off to my mom's) but would stop crying within a few minutes and begin playing. I was expecting something akin to that today, but that did not happen.

It sounds like she's having trouble transitioning to being without anyone she knows (and the playdates probably didn't provide enough comfort, which isn't a slight on you at all).

See if the program will allow her to bring in a comfort item from home (a stuffed animal or something). Otherwise I would give it time. I know it's incredibly difficult, but try to just talk up how much fun preschool is and hopefully she'll adjust soon.

[Anonymous]

I wonder if she'd do better having someone other than you drop her off. I'm sure she loves your sister as babysitter but kids tend to be less clingy when it isn't mom. Maybe she couldn't disassociate from you parting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this her first experience with a preschool setting? Does she have experience being away from you for extended periods? If so, has she ever reacted this way to a separation before?

OP here. It's her first experience with a preschool setting. She has been away from me for extended periods (I WOH full time). She has always been taken care of by a family member (my sister) - she gets plenty of socialization on the weekends and weekdays but someone is usually around (either me, DH, grandma, aunt, etc.). She has cried at separation before (when I would drop her off to my mom's) but would stop crying within a few minutes and begin playing. I was expecting something akin to that today, but that did not happen.

It sounds like she's having trouble transitioning to being without anyone she knows (and the playdates probably didn't provide enough comfort, which isn't a slight on you at all).

See if the program will allow her to bring in a comfort item from home (a stuffed animal or something). Otherwise I would give it time. I know it's incredibly difficult, but try to just talk up how much fun preschool is and hopefully she'll adjust soon.

+1. She might also feel a little overwhelmed or uncomfortable being part of a bigger group rather than with someone available to give her their undivided attention.

Also, how did your departure go? For some kids, a parent sticking around and indulging "one more hug" over and over again just makes it worse, because it drags out the actual moment of separation longer than necessary and all of the reassurance can actually make some kids more anxious because then they worry that there's something scary about preschool they need to be reassured about. If there was any element of that in your drop-off, you might want to consider a shorter, simpler goodbye. Tell her on the way to school how it's going to happen (I'm going to walk you to your classroom, you'll put your bag and jacket in your cubby, we'll do a hug and a kiss on the nose, and then mommy will go to work you'll have a fun day at preschool). The stick to that plan, even if she seems upset and you want to give another hug.

[Anonymous]

It's only day 1 OP, give her time. That said, my 2.5 year old started preschool last week and the teacher called us to pick her up today because she wouldn't stop crying that she missed us and we're rethinking whether she may just be too young for preschool

[Anonymous]

That’s tough but really nothing to worry about yet. This is the equivalent of a kid who has always been with a parent or nanny, so this is all really, really new. Give it a month, be upbeat and consistent at drop-offs, work on a comfort object or other comfort she can take with her (we like routine from the book “The kissing Hand”), and be gentle with her in the afternoons. She’ll get there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this her first experience with a preschool setting? Does she have experience being away from you for extended periods? If so, has she ever reacted this way to a separation before?

OP here. It's her first experience with a preschool setting. She has been away from me for extended periods (I WOH full time). She has always been taken care of by a family member (my sister) - she gets plenty of socialization on the weekends and weekdays but someone is usually around (either me, DH, grandma, aunt, etc.). She has cried at separation before (when I would drop her off to my mom's) but would stop crying within a few minutes and begin playing. I was expecting something akin to that today, but that did not happen.

It sounds like she's having trouble transitioning to being without anyone she knows (and the playdates probably didn't provide enough comfort, which isn't a slight on you at all).

See if the program will allow her to bring in a comfort item from home (a stuffed animal or something). Otherwise I would give it time. I know it's incredibly difficult, but try to just talk up how much fun preschool is and hopefully she'll adjust soon.

+1. She might also feel a little overwhelmed or uncomfortable being part of a bigger group rather than with someone available to give her their undivided attention.

Also, how did your departure go? For some kids, a parent sticking around and indulging "one more hug" over and over again just makes it worse, because it drags out the actual moment of separation longer than necessary and all of the reassurance can actually make some kids more anxious because then they worry that there's something scary about preschool they need to be reassured about. If there was any element of that in your drop-off, you might want to consider a shorter, simpler goodbye. Tell her on the way to school how it's going to happen (I'm going to walk you to your classroom, you'll put your bag and jacket in your cubby, we'll do a hug and a kiss on the nose, and then mommy will go to work you'll have a fun day at preschool). The stick to that plan, even if she seems upset and you want to give another hug.

I totally agree with this. Kids can pick up on your anxiety, so try really hard to just be totally upbeat. As you're going in, just keep saying, "You're going to have so much fun!" And then drop off her stuff in her cubby, give her a hug and a kiss and say "I love you and I'll see you later!" Then you leave. Seriously.

[Anonymous]

What's the ratio of kids - teachers? Is it a nice, open space? Do the other kids seem happy?

I'd give it a week or two, but if she doesn't start having fun, consider pulling her out.

[Anonymous]

My daughter was older, but when she started a new school in K I gave her a necklace that had a cute animal charm (nothing fancy, I think it was from H&M) and told her whenever she was nervous to just touch the animal 9I think it was a bunny) and think of me and I would be thinking of her.

Several years later, she told me that she clutched that necklace all day and it had really helped. (but she never mentioned it at the time!).

[Anonymous]

My kid's preschool has a family picture up for each kid and they're told to go look at it if they miss their family. They also read The Kissing Hand and my kid now asks me to kiss both of her hands in the morning. Maybe there's some kind of ritual you could do or picture/object you could adopt as a similar reminder?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's only day 1 OP, give her time. That said, my 2.5 year old started preschool last week and the teacher called us to pick her up today because she wouldn't stop crying that she missed us and we're rethinking whether she may just be too young for preschool

[Anonymous]

I was a preschool teacher and there were children who were like this. The teacher should be able to facilitate a small activity between your child and another child to get her more warmed up and used to playing with another child in the new setting. Perhaps it’s the big classroom and all the children that makes her upset. If it persists, I would speak to the director about it and see what they can arrange.