My mom’s dedication to her job is going to kill her
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Anonymous
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My mother has worked for the same non-profit for about 20 years. She feels really strongly about the work they do and can overlook a toxic work environment as a result. She doesn’t really have any friends there (she’s pretty quiet and the rest of the women there are loud and gossipy) and she pulls crazy long hours, doing the work of two positions. But, she feels good about what the overall mission. I sometimes ask if she’s thought about cutting back her hours now that she’s older. She sometimes agrees that it’s a good idea, but never follows through. I think her identity is wrapped up in the work.
We talk on the phone regularly and I knew she had been fighting a summer cold. Then I saw her at a family wedding last month and she looked a little pale and her energy was low. She promised me she would go see her doctor when she got home. Her primary wound of drawing blood to run some tests (i might not have all the details about this). While she was at work on Thursday, her doctor called freaking out because she was essentially in sepsis (it was a blood infection). Did anyone call an ambulance? Nope. They let her pack up her bag and drive herself to the ER. Apparently, the only person who thought this was a bad idea was the maintenance man and they ignored him. So I drop everything, pack a bag, and drive like the wind (6 hours) and go straight to the hospital. I walk into her room and am stunned to be face-to-face with her boss, who is asking her questions about files and payroll and I don’t know what else. I wish I had a picture of my face because the boss booked it out of there immediately. Surgery is needed because the infection attacked a heart valve, which is now too far gone. I think they will be putting a pig valve in her. They are pumping her full of drugs first to address the infection right now, though. The kicker: She asked one of the doctors if she could work and he said no. She asked me to sneak her laptop into the hospital so she could “do a few things”. I said I would go get it and bring it home so she would have it once she was out of the hospital. So I go into the office to get the laptop and NO ONE asks how she’s doing except that one maintenance man, who is beside himself, saying he and the other guys on his team at the building have noticed her slowing down. They repeatedly asked her if she was okay, but she said it was her summer cold every time. They helped her to her car when he went to the ER, not anyone in her actual office. One of the nurses told me to bring in a picture of her grandchildren and I almost wonder if a picture of her damn desk would be more motivating. Sorry, I think my sense of humor is a little morbid right now. If you made it ths far, thanks for letting me vent. I feel better now. |
Anonymous
| There is her love of work, and the awful people at work. Separate the two. |
Anonymous
Really, they are both dangerous to her health, it seems. |
Anonymous
| If she didn't work for a non-profit but instead made lots of money, she would probably be an executive and you wouldn't find this story-line unusual. Frustrating yes, but a story as old as time. |
Anonymous
You’re not understanding. Love of work is OK, and if she wants to shorten her lifespan while doing so, that’s her choice. Lack of respect is never OK. |
Anonymous
| The whole situation is just terrible. Hope the surgery is successful. |
Anonymous
Exactly. |
Anonymous
?? Pp is not necessarily saying anything different than you are. Not sure what you think pp is NOT understanding. -np |
Anonymous
| Nobody at her work will “care” when she’s dead. We are all replaceable. She is not as important to their mission as she may think. Some people, sadly, don’t live long enough to recognize this. Good luck. |
Anonymous
| Thank you for posting this story OP. I am wishing you and your family the best. I am a mother of two and wife and I work like your mother does. I was just talking to my husband about mommy tracking instead of going c-suite which is where I am headed. If I were a man I often think it would not be a conversation, but I do want to see my kids grow up. Thank you again. |
Anonymous
| Similar story. Mom got back from Japan and went into thyroid storm. Almost died. I feel ya. |
Anonymous
I stay at home and went into thyroid storm. It hits without warning. |
Anonymous
She had plenty of warning 
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Anonymous
| Sorry Op, that sounds awful. I hope you can get they to your mom that her life is worth more than her job. |
Anonymous
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Wow. I would bake cookies for the maintenance guy.
Does your mom need to work? Does she at least have decent insurance through her job? If I were you I would be tempted to go give her boss a piece of my mind and tell him that she’s in sick leave and not to contact her while she’s recuperating. I can’t believe he was at the hospital when you got there. If your mom has a relationship with any of the organization’s board members you may want to give them a call with an “update” but drop some hints about the terrible work environment. |