My mom’s dedication to her job is going to kill her

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If she didn't work for a non-profit but instead made lots of money, she would probably be an executive and you wouldn't find this story-line unusual. Frustrating yes, but a story as old as time.

I worked for a non profit for a long time, made a lot of money as an exec. The story (aside from the sepsis) sounds like me until I smartened up. But I aged 15 years in 7 years.

[Anonymous]

That’s terrible. I’m so sorry. They didn’t even send flowers? Awful.

[Anonymous]

It sucks that her coworkers are so uncaring. When someone fell sick at my job, two high ranking people went to the ER with them.

But people like your mom, who live for work, can actually become depressed when they stop working. You need to let her live her life the way that makes her happy. I woukd continue to suggest she consider cutting back, but maybe she loves it despite her horrible coworkers.

[Anonymous]

Is there another non-profit that does similar work but has a better work environment? Can she look for another office with better people?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sucks that her coworkers are so uncaring. When someone fell sick at my job, two high ranking people went to the ER with them.

But people like your mom, who live for work, can actually become depressed when they stop working. You need to let her live her life the way that makes her happy. I woukd continue to suggest she consider cutting back, but maybe she loves it despite her horrible coworkers.

I think she should retire and do volunteer work. Who in their right mind would want to go back to a job where everyone (except the janitor) showed their true colors and don't care if you die?
OP, talk some reason into your mother when she gets better. Maybe she has a good friend or pastor that can help you get the message across.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry, OP. My mom was in a similar situation--working herself to death for people who could not care less. She just got fired (nasty situation with all sorts of actionable gender/age discrimination). We (her kids) were overjoyed. She never would have quit or drawn boundaries on her own, although we have all been encouraging her to do so for years, so this was a really positive development. The adjustment has been challenging, but I think she is starting to realize it is overall a good thing.

So, my suggestion (only half joking), is to see if you can get your mom fired.

[Anonymous]

Is it possible that the boss came to be supportive but that your mom immediately turned the conversation to files/payroll? If she is a workaholic, it's possible that it was your mom who was trying to insist to him that she was still valuable to the company even in that vulnerable position. I'm just saying...if you weren't there for the entire conversation, maybe try not to judge so harshly given your mom's history.

I'm sorry you are going through this but at the end of the day, she is a grown adult and there isn't much you can do beyond persuasion and support.

[Anonymous]

I have a friend like that... She essentially needs to be needed, so over a period of time she kind of structures some of the processes in a way that only she fully knows how to do certain things. It's unhealthy and has nothing to do with dedication.

In larger organizations there are rules against this - it's a fiduciary and financial risk, there should be more than 1 person who knows the processes and can cover when needed. People who have to do with finances and/or accounting are required to take vacations for same risk-management reasons.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I’ve overwhelmed by all the helpful comments. Thank you so much. My mom is doing better. She’s not strong enough for the heart surgery yet, but she’s well enough to be refusing all the hospital food. They told me to bring her whatever she’ll eat at this point, so I’m having fun hitting up her favorite spots.

My siblings and I have totally joked about this hopefully being a fireable offense at her office. My parents are comfortable and she is well past retirement age (70s), so it wouldn’t be a financial issue, but her identity is wrapped up in her work and I worry what she would do with herself without the job. I suggested she volunteered with a small business group or a group that helps non-profits get started. I think the issue is that she assumes that at her age, no one will want her.

I didn’t even think about the fact that they did send her flowers. Jerks!

Her boss def was talking business. There is a religious affiliation to the charity and if the boss was there to support, I think they would have been praying.


Anyway, thanks again for all the support. DCUM has its moments, but you all have had some good points that made me think.

[Anonymous]

NP. Op, I could have written your post about my own mom (though she ended up with heart failure rather than sepsis). Total workaholic. After her hospitalization we insisted she cut back, and she finally (after 20+ years at her own nonprofit) agreed. She quit and retired at age 63, and has been home 3 years now. The first 6 months were hard, but now she seems much happier + relaxed. She also did pick up some freelance remote work (10 hours) because she likes to keep busy, but its all far more balanced.