How to tell a child they must leave a school that they love?

[Anonymous]

This weekend we will be telling DD5 that she must switch from her beloved EOTP Title I IB to a non-immersion HRCS on Monday. She really truly loves her school, but I know that her academic needs are already not being met and that will only get worse-- that's the motivation to move. I know it will be fine in the long run, but she loves her friends, loves her teacher, and just loves her IB school so much that it will break my heart to tell her and watch her cry. Does anyone have tips for how best to break the news?

[Anonymous]

Why approach so negatively? Frame it in the positive, be upbeat, and don’t project onto her. She’s 5.

[Anonymous]

I wouldnt switch. Our DD was in a EOTP language immersion title i and we switched to a very highly regarded school in a higher grade. She still misses her old teachers and friends. She is very bright and her PARRC scores show her school prepared her well. We have doubts, but feel ok because she is in an older grade. Kids' friendships and comfort with teachers in school mean a lot to them at this age.

[Anonymous]

Tell her that she can have play dates with her friends and visit her teacher. Now she will have twice the amount of friends.

[Anonymous]

I also would think twice about switching. What concrete reasons are there to switch her at this point? How do you know for sure that her academic needs will be met at the new school? Is there demonstrable data to support this? Does it have a middle school path? Is it worth giving up your neighborhood school for an unknown?

-someone who recently switched from our IB although kid loved it, after asking the same questions

[Anonymous]

I would leave her where she is at.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell her that she can have play dates with her friends and visit her teacher. Now she will have twice the amount of friends.

This. And also, don't make it a BIG THING other than what an exciting adventure. New friends! Different playground! Exciting things like choir or art or something-- there has to be a differentiator. Find a friendly Ker you know at that school and have a playdate-- like this weekend.

And don't waiver-- it'll make it harder for all of you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I also would think twice about switching. What concrete reasons are there to switch her at this point? How do you know for sure that her academic needs will be met at the new school? Is there demonstrable data to support this? Does it have a middle school path? Is it worth giving up your neighborhood school for an unknown?

-someone who recently switched from our IB although kid loved it, after asking the same questions

I don't think it's an unknown, we have various friends at the HRCS who are very happy with it and vouch for it being great for advanced readers.

The main reason is to ensure academic appropriateness for our DC in upper elementary and middle school, as our IB has the classic bottom-up gentrification and attrition problems so common EOTP. The other reason is a much smaller student-teacher ratio at the HRCS. At the IB, the class size is big and there are some behavior issues, and there was not a developmentally appropriate reading group in another classroom to send her to. Not that a reading group is a make-or-break issue, but I just don't feel like she's really being challenged, and a lot of time is spent in group work or whole-class lessons that is far below her level academically. And it seems like it'll only get worse as the higher-performing kids gradually leave the school. DC does not know, but I know, that some of her friends at the IB school are likely to get into other HRCS or to leave the city entirely in the next year or so.

[Anonymous]

I just moved my 11 year old. He left his friends that he’s known since he was 3. Life is full of change.

[Anonymous]

Can you arrange a playdate with one of the families this weekend and perhaps visit the new school's playground?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I also would think twice about switching. What concrete reasons are there to switch her at this point? How do you know for sure that her academic needs will be met at the new school? Is there demonstrable data to support this? Does it have a middle school path? Is it worth giving up your neighborhood school for an unknown?

-someone who recently switched from our IB although kid loved it, after asking the same questions

I don't think it's an unknown, we have various friends at the HRCS who are very happy with it and vouch for it being great for advanced readers.

The main reason is to ensure academic appropriateness for our DC in upper elementary and middle school, as our IB has the classic bottom-up gentrification and attrition problems so common EOTP. The other reason is a much smaller student-teacher ratio at the HRCS. At the IB, the class size is big and there are some behavior issues, and there was not a developmentally appropriate reading group in another classroom to send her to. Not that a reading group is a make-or-break issue, but I just don't feel like she's really being challenged, and a lot of time is spent in group work or whole-class lessons that is far below her level academically. And it seems like it'll only get worse as the higher-performing kids gradually leave the school. DC does not know, but I know, that some of her friends at the IB school are likely to get into other HRCS or to leave the city entirely in the next year or so.

PP here and these sound like pretty solid reasons. However, what grades are your friends' kids in at the HRCS? Are any actually in late elem. or middle school?

I ask because I know people who had kids at two non-immersion HRCS that are talked about all the time here. Both schools were well-loved by these families in the early years. However, some realized the schools were not going to work for their kids for various reasons as they approached middle school. All pulled their kids out--some for our IB, and others for private school or other options.

Have you considered other options--supplementing outside of school, moving, etc.? Otherwise, even if the HRCS is a better school for your child right now, there's no guarantee it will continue to be a good fit down the line. Thinking of a friend of mine who has had her kid in several schools before middle school--their IB, an HRCS, and parochial.

[Anonymous]

I'll call a spade a spade here-- we are all hoping it is ITS other than CMI, where if you have peers at each school, the two are on very different trajectories.

(Might be TR or one of the Montessoris of which I have no opinion)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I also would think twice about switching. What concrete reasons are there to switch her at this point? How do you know for sure that her academic needs will be met at the new school? Is there demonstrable data to support this? Does it have a middle school path? Is it worth giving up your neighborhood school for an unknown?

-someone who recently switched from our IB although kid loved it, after asking the same questions

I don't think it's an unknown, we have various friends at the HRCS who are very happy with it and vouch for it being great for advanced readers.

The main reason is to ensure academic appropriateness for our DC in upper elementary and middle school, as our IB has the classic bottom-up gentrification and attrition problems so common EOTP. The other reason is a much smaller student-teacher ratio at the HRCS. At the IB, the class size is big and there are some behavior issues, and there was not a developmentally appropriate reading group in another classroom to send her to. Not that a reading group is a make-or-break issue, but I just don't feel like she's really being challenged, and a lot of time is spent in group work or whole-class lessons that is far below her level academically. And it seems like it'll only get worse as the higher-performing kids gradually leave the school. DC does not know, but I know, that some of her friends at the IB school are likely to get into other HRCS or to leave the city entirely in the next year or so.

PP here and these sound like pretty solid reasons. However, what grades are your friends' kids in at the HRCS? Are any actually in late elem. or middle school?

I ask because I know people who had kids at two non-immersion HRCS that are talked about all the time here. Both schools were well-loved by these families in the early years. However, some realized the schools were not going to work for their kids for various reasons as they approached middle school. All pulled their kids out--some for our IB, and others for private school or other options.

Have you considered other options--supplementing outside of school, moving, etc.? Otherwise, even if the HRCS is a better school for your child right now, there's no guarantee it will continue to be a good fit down the line. Thinking of a friend of mine who has had her kid in several schools before middle school--their IB, an HRCS, and parochial.

P.S. I know there are no guarantees--I also know that the school we pulled our kid from our IB for could also not work out in the long run. I'm just bringing up questions we also considered re: a kid's needs at different times, and the weight of evidence for one school experience vs. another. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just moved my 11 year old. He left his friends that he’s known since he was 3. Life is full of change.

+1 Do what you feel is best. The kid will adjust.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I also would think twice about switching. What concrete reasons are there to switch her at this point? How do you know for sure that her academic needs will be met at the new school? Is there demonstrable data to support this? Does it have a middle school path? Is it worth giving up your neighborhood school for an unknown?

-someone who recently switched from our IB although kid loved it, after asking the same questions

I don't think it's an unknown, we have various friends at the HRCS who are very happy with it and vouch for it being great for advanced readers.

The main reason is to ensure academic appropriateness for our DC in upper elementary and middle school, as our IB has the classic bottom-up gentrification and attrition problems so common EOTP. The other reason is a much smaller student-teacher ratio at the HRCS. At the IB, the class size is big and there are some behavior issues, and there was not a developmentally appropriate reading group in another classroom to send her to. Not that a reading group is a make-or-break issue, but I just don't feel like she's really being challenged, and a lot of time is spent in group work or whole-class lessons that is far below her level academically. And it seems like it'll only get worse as the higher-performing kids gradually leave the school. DC does not know, but I know, that some of her friends at the IB school are likely to get into other HRCS or to leave the city entirely in the next year or so.

TLDR: Too many black kids in the upper grades...