St. Albans and working moms

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:No one should ever judge the choices made by others. Some women have fulfilling jobs that they enjoy. Others think they want to be there 24/7 for their kids when they are young. Neither is wrong. Being a stay-at-home mom doesn’t mean you are playing tennis at the club all day—mostly it means spending time with your kids, driving them around to enrichment classes, taking them to the park, wiping poopy butts, etc. Maybe that’s your thing and maybe it isn’t. Maybe you feel like a nanny could do that just as well, and maybe you don’t. To spread broad generalizations about laziness vs greed is just wrong.

Maybe when the kids are young but a lot of stay home moms with means have full time help and don't spend that much time with their kids. Their full time job is in fact social climbing. And yes, feminism is having the choice to pursue ones life goals but there is some hypocrisy in liberal moms espousing equality in the work force when many have barely worked. In essence, they should walk the line. There is some condescension in the idea that a working mother is great for the working class but somewhat declasse and appalling for the liberal elite.

You must live in a bubble ot think "a lot" of women are in that position. I don't know one.

I only joined the private school world this year (previously kid was in public) but I've lived in upper NW since my kids were born (10 years) and it's the norm for SAHM to have close to full-time help if not 40+ hours a week. Plus preschool hours. It surprised me when I first had kids but almost everyone who stays at home in NW/Chevy Chase/close-in Bethesda has a sitter/nanny for close to full time hours or more. No one is driving their own kids around to everything

This is not at all true of our close-in McLean neighborhood. Families in both public and private, and we know very few SAHMs with nannies. They are very involved in their children’s activities, from volunteering in the classroom to running scout troops to chauffeuring their kids around. Is it really that different in Bethesda??

I don't know but I'm not making this up. I moved to upper NW (as a SAHM) from elsewhere in the US and I felt like a fish out of water because I didn't have close to full time help--these were moms I met in a variety of different circles: preschool, church, sports, neighborhood, playgroups, exercise classes. They all had a ton of help. I got tired of hearing from everyone "you're so amazing for doing it by yourself". For the record, I "did it by myself" because we couldn't afford help outside of an occasional sitter. I ended up going back to work after a few years.

Sounds like you are seeking out a different type of person to hang out with than I am. There are many types of people at any church, school, etc. Exercise class seems even more likely to be self-selecting. I generally want to be around down to earth, unpretentious, genuine types, and these tend to be SAHP without nannies. Not many SAHP with no nanny have the ability to go to exercise classes regularly because they are somewhere with their kids.

So “ down to earth, unpretentious, genuine types” could not possible SAH and have a full time nanny?
I consider myself all of those things but I have a full time nanny for a variety of reasons, not least because I i have 3 kids at 3 different schools (One special needs, one all boys and one all girls) and it is a logistical nightmare to meet all their transportation needs by myself. Also having her frees me up from housework so I can be present at all 3 schools most of the time to volunteer and be there for all 3 kids. We sometimes even rope in my husband because there has to be an adult at all 3 schools at exactly the same time.
Blanket judgements are rather silly.

[Anonymous]

PP SAHM with full time nanny. I’m also black. So scrap that stereotype too.

[Anonymous]

Also ROTFLMAO.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one should ever judge the choices made by others. Some women have fulfilling jobs that they enjoy. Others think they want to be there 24/7 for their kids when they are young. Neither is wrong. Being a stay-at-home mom doesn’t mean you are playing tennis at the club all day—mostly it means spending time with your kids, driving them around to enrichment classes, taking them to the park, wiping poopy butts, etc. Maybe that’s your thing and maybe it isn’t. Maybe you feel like a nanny could do that just as well, and maybe you don’t. To spread broad generalizations about laziness vs greed is just wrong.

Maybe when the kids are young but a lot of stay home moms with means have full time help and don't spend that much time with their kids. Their full time job is in fact social climbing. And yes, feminism is having the choice to pursue ones life goals but there is some hypocrisy in liberal moms espousing equality in the work force when many have barely worked. In essence, they should walk the line. There is some condescension in the idea that a working mother is great for the working class but somewhat declasse and appalling for the liberal elite.

You must live in a bubble ot think "a lot" of women are in that position. I don't know one.

I only joined the private school world this year (previously kid was in public) but I've lived in upper NW since my kids were born (10 years) and it's the norm for SAHM to have close to full-time help if not 40+ hours a week. Plus preschool hours. It surprised me when I first had kids but almost everyone who stays at home in NW/Chevy Chase/close-in Bethesda has a sitter/nanny for close to full time hours or more. No one is driving their own kids around to everything

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one should ever judge the choices made by others. Some women have fulfilling jobs that they enjoy. Others think they want to be there 24/7 for their kids when they are young. Neither is wrong. Being a stay-at-home mom doesn’t mean you are playing tennis at the club all day—mostly it means spending time with your kids, driving them around to enrichment classes, taking them to the park, wiping poopy butts, etc. Maybe that’s your thing and maybe it isn’t. Maybe you feel like a nanny could do that just as well, and maybe you don’t. To spread broad generalizations about laziness vs greed is just wrong.

Maybe when the kids are young but a lot of stay home moms with means have full time help and don't spend that much time with their kids. Their full time job is in fact social climbing. And yes, feminism is having the choice to pursue ones life goals but there is some hypocrisy in liberal moms espousing equality in the work force when many have barely worked. In essence, they should walk the line. There is some condescension in the idea that a working mother is great for the working class but somewhat declasse and appalling for the liberal elite.

You must live in a bubble ot think "a lot" of women are in that position. I don't know one.

I only joined the private school world this year (previously kid was in public) but I've lived in upper NW since my kids were born (10 years) and it's the norm for SAHM to have close to full-time help if not 40+ hours a week. Plus preschool hours. It surprised me when I first had kids but almost everyone who stays at home in NW/Chevy Chase/close-in Bethesda has a sitter/nanny for close to full time hours or more. No one is driving their own kids around to everything

I am driving my own kids around to everything. And many of their kids in carpools.

[Anonymous]

They don't work because they have money (hence paying for private school).

Duuuh.

You really need to have this explained to you??

[Anonymous]

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How silly. True feminism is when women have the CHOICE to work or not work and can choose what is best for them without feeling societal pressures one way or the other. Get with the times. I have done both and now choose not to work and I am liberal and educated.

+1000. Feminism is about giving women the choice to do what they want with their lives. There's a significant difference between telling a woman she must stay at home versus pursue a career and allowing her to make the choice as she sees fit.

No, it's not.

https://femmagazine.com/feminism-101-what-is-choice-feminism/

Additionally, it’s important to note that even if this form of the feminist movement was more inclusive, it still misidentifies the most central goal of the movement itself. The choice rhetoric only serves to distract from pursuing equality and justifies internalized misogyny. Just because there is not a singular, unified vision of what equality is, does not mean it should be rebranded as the ability to choose between mundane activities within a given power structure.

It’s this hyperfixation on the choices of individual women that derails choice feminism from the entirety of the movement. Feminism is first and foremost about gender equality, so how can this ideology really fit, if it misses the main point?

Oh take this nonsense elsewhere. I don’t think anyone cares what you think about whether they work or don’t work. I’m a liberal but if you want to say I’m not a liberal or feminist because I don’t work go ahead. I made a lot of money in the stock market in my 20s and 30s which allows me to not work and because I made a lot of money I’m also independent financially which technically makes me the “breadwinner” of the house even though I don’t report to an office. Take your nonsense elsewhere.

You've totally missed the point, which is that the 'choice' feminist argument is elitist and misogynistic and only used by bs-spouting rich women living off their fancy husbands.

Are you really in a private school thread arguing about so called elitism and wealth? GTFO.

[Anonymous]

I don’t have kids at St. Albans but I will tell you it surprises me how many people make assumptions about women based on whether they have a traditional office or easy to spot job or not. I don’t work in a traditional field, I am an artist and writer and stayed home for a number of years when my three children were small. I also volunteer often and have a number of personal interests that I actively pursue but you wouldn’t know all this about me if you just met me at a school parent coffee.I am fortunate to be able to be more interesting than someone who has a 9-6 job they slog through all week. Happy for those of you who don’t and are able to do something you enjoy, whether in an office or not!
Just don’t make assumptions about women who you really don’t know at all. They may have a lot more going on then they tell you about, since you aren’t actually friends.

[Anonymous]

PP SAHM with full time nanny. I’m also black. So scrap that stereotype too.

?? That post is everything. Only because this entire thread is full of judgemental women. And angry ones too. I’m a highly educated Stay at home mother with a full time nanny - gasp!

I have plenty of working mom friends, stay at home mom friends, and everything in between, with mutually supportive relationships among them .... realizing that most of us are just doing the best we can. i have found much more meaningful relationships among mothers if we refrain from the constant judgement, and actually support each other’s choices and lifestyles. More than anything, I hope I am teaching my four children to be kind people and accepting of everyone, and that it’s best to keep an open mind.

For those mothers that are judging other mothers with your blanket statements, I sure wonder what that behavior is teaching your children?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t have kids at St. Albans but I will tell you it surprises me how many people make assumptions about women based on whether they have a traditional office or easy to spot job or not. I don’t work in a traditional field, I am an artist and writer and stayed home for a number of years when my three children were small. I also volunteer often and have a number of personal interests that I actively pursue but you wouldn’t know all this about me if you just met me at a school parent coffee.I am fortunate to be able to be more interesting than someone who has a 9-6 job they slog through all week. Happy for those of you who don’t and are able to do something you enjoy, whether in an office or not!
Just don’t make assumptions about women who you really don’t know at all. They may have a lot more going on then they tell you about, since you aren’t actually friends.

Is this a typo? Surely you know you can't assume you're more interesting than someone who has a "9-6 job they slog through all week." First, that reeks of condescension. Second, you think the hours that someone works, or the type of building that they work in (i.e., whether they do office work or not), determines how interesting they are?

What exactly is the point of your post? You start out talking about the danger of making assumptions, you talk about your various pursuits, you insinuate that you are better ("interesting") than others because of some mysterious reason, you say you're happy for everyone, and then again say not to make assumptions. This all sounds like SAHM insecurity mixed with smug condescension.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t have kids at St. Albans but I will tell you it surprises me how many people make assumptions about women based on whether they have a traditional office or easy to spot job or not. I don’t work in a traditional field, I am an artist and writer and stayed home for a number of years when my three children were small. I also volunteer often and have a number of personal interests that I actively pursue but you wouldn’t know all this about me if you just met me at a school parent coffee.I am fortunate to be able to be more interesting than someone who has a 9-6 job they slog through all week. Happy for those of you who don’t and are able to do something you enjoy, whether in an office or not!
Just don’t make assumptions about women who you really don’t know at all. They may have a lot more going on then they tell you about, since you aren’t actually friends.

NP here. Sorry, I'm one of those people slogging it out in a 9-6 job, and the working women I know are on average much more "interesting" than women who opted not to work, simply because they have been building a career for decades (some having taken a few years off to SAH), are learning new things, being challenged all the time, and are usually pretty intellectually engaged.

[Anonymous]

Sorry, you are not more interesting because you have more cash.

[Anonymous]

Totally ignorant talk. It’s alarming that my kids may be in school with some of yours. SAHP are not more interesting because they aren’t in an office 9-6, and working parents are not more interesting because they’ve been building a career. What makes people “interesting” is an innate curiosity throughout life to learn more - in whatever capacity. Plenty of interesting SAHP and working parents, and plenty of dull ones as well.

[Anonymous]

I’m not sure who is more interesting but I’m sure you are all terribly insecure

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m not sure who is more interesting but I’m sure you are all terribly insecure

And so far removed from reality that you can’t even see it anymore - if you ever could.