If you can’t leave your kids with family to go away...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get that out of your system before you have kids. It isn’t about you anymore once you have kids, don’t be so selfish. Seriously.

A weekend alone with your spouse once every few years is obviously the height of selfishness.

Yes, it is.

This

This all or nothing, one size fits all mentality is so wacko. You can't imagine that all families fall on a spectrum and that some families are different from your own? What's it like to live like that day to day? For what it's worth, I don't travel without my kids, but I'd be happy to do so for a few nights if the opportunity arose. And I'd feel no guilt, and I wouldn't feel selfish, and my children would be unscathed from the experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The years with little kids was hard. We went to family camp where it is a lodge, all meals are just served as a buffet (no arguing over restaurants or what to cook, no cooking!) and there are activities set up and kid camp in the morning and the afternoon for a few hours. Love it! They are common on the west coast, I bet they have them in new england too.

Where is this PP? Is it in the DC area? I’d love to do something like this with my 2 and 4 y/o boys.

[Anonymous]

Sorry just saw you’re west coast. I’d love to find something like that out here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I genuinely don't understand how people are so confounded by this topic.

If you are the type of people who would like to leave your kids to go away (I am and have done it) and you don't have family to watch the kids (we don't), your choices are:

Hire a sitter. We've done this. Yes, it's expensive. No, you don't find some random and leave them with your kid for a night or two. You build up to it with a trusted sitter.

Trade with family friends when they are older. We have done this with friends for 1-2 nights. We keep your kid one weekend, you keep one of ours some other weekend. We do this less often than use sitters.

The longest trip we've ever done using a sitter is 4 nights. That was a one time thing for a special occasion. I would say every other year or so, we do a 1-2 night trip. So we're not doing it all the time or going to Asia for 10 days. But it works for us.

Exactly...thank you normal human

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get that out of your system before you have kids. It isn’t about you anymore once you have kids, don’t be so selfish. Seriously.

A weekend alone with your spouse once every few years is obviously the height of selfishness.

It’s not best for the kids. And if you are a loser, you will try to justify that it’s best for the kids to have alone time.,,,blah blah. Date night is good enough.

NP I disagree. Spouse first, then kids. I swear if everyone put their spouses first there would be more happy families and less divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Our parents live abroad, but it would never have occurred to us to go on a long trip without our kids. It didn't occur to my BILs who live close to my MIL and could have asked her to babysit. We want to spend time with our kids, OP. To each his own, but I confess I don't understand why people have kids if it's just to leave them at home while they off gallivanting.

You seriously can't conceive of a married couple wanting to spend time with just each other for a day or two? I feel sincerely sorry for your husband.

Save your sympathy, he would never think of leaving his kids. My own parents never left me to travel somewhere either, and that was a joint father/mother decision. My friends don't leave their kids either. We all travel with our children. What weirdo are you that you automatically think the man wants to leave his kids behind? Sexist much?

You need to calm down. First of all, does your husband work? If so, he's away from your kids. So stop it with the "he would never think of leaving his kids" thing. Seriously, it makes you sound like a whack job. Second of all, I said nothing about a main wanting to leave his kids behind. I was talking about a husband wanting to spend some time with just his wife. The same would be true for a wife wanting to spend time with just her husband, except that YOU are a woman and I was replying to YOU. That you think (1) I'm talking about fathers leaving their children and (2) my post was sexist says you really need to take some quiet time and consider why you feel the way you do. It's not normal

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get that out of your system before you have kids. It isn’t about you anymore once you have kids, don’t be so selfish. Seriously.

A weekend alone with your spouse once every few years is obviously the height of selfishness.

It’s not best for the kids. And if you are a loser, you will try to justify that it’s best for the kids to have alone time.,,,blah blah. Date night is good enough.

NP I disagree. Spouse first, then kids. I swear if everyone put their spouses first there would be more happy families and less divorce.

I completely agree with you.

Growing up my parents were excellent parents but it was always clear the world did not revolve around us kids. My dad played a travel sport and his tournaments took precedence over most other activities. I can actually hear the DCUM harpies gasping right now. But it was fun. My mom took us and we made friends with the other kids on the team. Or my dad would go without us. All fine. If my parents went somewhere on a trip we spent the weekend at our grandparents’ or with our cousins and LOVED it. At NO TIME did this have a detrimental effect on us—my sibling and I both have excellent degrees and jobs and are stable, well adjusted people. And we both have outstanding relationships with our parents, who are in their 70’s and married for 45 years.

Some of you are so judgmental and rigid but in reality you have it all wrong. Your spouse is more than a sperm donor. Your spouse should be your priority, always. Model love and healthy relationships and interests.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The years with little kids was hard. We went to family camp where it is a lodge, all meals are just served as a buffet (no arguing over restaurants or what to cook, no cooking!) and there are activities set up and kid camp in the morning and the afternoon for a few hours. Love it! They are common on the west coast, I bet they have them in new england too.

Where is this PP? Is it in the DC area? I’d love to do something like this with my 2 and 4 y/o boys.

I’d love to do this in theory with my three year old, but every time I think of the Madeleine Mcann story, I chicken out. Also having been a teacher and summer worker, I know how chaotic things are and how little the workers actually have a handle on what is going on. I had to lead outdoor 2 day camping trips with kids and had zero wilderness or first training beyond CPR... and this was at a private school charging $30k a year per student. If something happened, nobody would have had a clue what to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The years with little kids was hard. We went to family camp where it is a lodge, all meals are just served as a buffet (no arguing over restaurants or what to cook, no cooking!) and there are activities set up and kid camp in the morning and the afternoon for a few hours. Love it! They are common on the west coast, I bet they have them in new england too.

Where is this PP? Is it in the DC area? I’d love to do something like this with my 2 and 4 y/o boys.

I’d love to do this in theory with my three year old, but every time I think of the Madeleine Mcann story, I chicken out. Also having been a teacher and summer worker, I know how chaotic things are and how little the workers actually have a handle on what is going on. I had to lead outdoor 2 day camping trips with kids and had zero wilderness or first training beyond CPR... and this was at a private school charging $30k a year per student. If something happened, nobody would have had a clue what to do.

Madeleine McCann wasn't being supervised at all. I can understand the anxiety you're describing but just to be clear - she wasn't at a family camp. She was left sleeping alone in an unlocked resort apartment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We go to a resort that has a kids club AND hire high school senior or college student (18+) to come with us. The sitter stays in the same room as the kids at night and deals with them before a reasonable hour in the morning (usually they just order room service breakfast and get them into swimsuits or whatever. We take the kids to the pool or something for a few hours during the day, then drop them at the kids club and do our own thing. We pick them up and do bath/dinner then the sitter deals with tucking everyone in and staying in their room overnight in case anyone has trouble sleeping. DH and I are done with kids by 7, have a nice dinner and a full nights’ sleep. Sitter is on duty 6:30pm-10:30am and gets to enjoy the resort all day. Kids get some time with us instead of being home with someone they don’t know for a week. Win/win/win!

This sounds great. What is the going rate for a sitter to come with you for something like this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get that out of your system before you have kids. It isn’t about you anymore once you have kids, don’t be so selfish. Seriously.

A weekend alone with your spouse once every few years is obviously the height of selfishness.

It’s not best for the kids. And if you are a loser, you will try to justify that it’s best for the kids to have alone time.,,,blah blah. Date night is good enough.

NP I disagree. Spouse first, then kids. I swear if everyone put their spouses first there would be more happy families and less divorce.

Who said you have to leave your kids to put your spouse first?
I never have and have been married 22 years, happily.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get that out of your system before you have kids. It isn’t about you anymore once you have kids, don’t be so selfish. Seriously.

A weekend alone with your spouse once every few years is obviously the height of selfishness.

It’s not best for the kids. And if you are a loser, you will try to justify that it’s best for the kids to have alone time.,,,blah blah. Date night is good enough.

NP I disagree. Spouse first, then kids. I swear if everyone put their spouses first there would be more happy families and less divorce.

I completely agree with you.

Growing up my parents were excellent parents but it was always clear the world did not revolve around us kids. My dad played a travel sport and his tournaments took precedence over most other activities. I can actually hear the DCUM harpies gasping right now. But it was fun. My mom took us and we made friends with the other kids on the team. Or my dad would go without us. All fine. If my parents went somewhere on a trip we spent the weekend at our grandparents’ or with our cousins and LOVED it. At NO TIME did this have a detrimental effect on us—my sibling and I both have excellent degrees and jobs and are stable, well adjusted people. And we both have outstanding relationships with our parents, who are in their 70’s and married for 45 years.

Some of you are so judgmental and rigid but in reality you have it all wrong. Your spouse is more than a sperm donor. Your spouse should be your priority, always. Model love and healthy relationships and interests.

Why do you assume I view spouse as sperm donor if I don’t leave my kids for vacation? DH can be my priority without me dumping my kids with others. My DH actually loves being with the kids.

[Anonymous]

Family camp a la Dirty Dancing. Adult activities, kid activities.

Several of these in New England.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get that out of your system before you have kids. It isn’t about you anymore once you have kids, don’t be so selfish. Seriously.

A weekend alone with your spouse once every few years is obviously the height of selfishness.

It’s not best for the kids. And if you are a loser, you will try to justify that it’s best for the kids to have alone time.,,,blah blah. Date night is good enough.

NP I disagree. Spouse first, then kids. I swear if everyone put their spouses first there would be more happy families and less divorce.

Who said you have to leave your kids to put your spouse first?
I never have and have been married 22 years, happily.

Sorry but going on an adult vacation is completely different than family vacation. Going out to dinner after 7pm, sex in a hotel room, going out dancing until 2am, sleeping in. Those are all things I can’t do with my toddlers in tow. I really do feel connected to dh after getting away. Married happily 13 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get that out of your system before you have kids. It isn’t about you anymore once you have kids, don’t be so selfish. Seriously.

A weekend alone with your spouse once every few years is obviously the height of selfishness.

It’s not best for the kids. And if you are a loser, you will try to justify that it’s best for the kids to have alone time.,,,blah blah. Date night is good enough.

NP I disagree. Spouse first, then kids. I swear if everyone put their spouses first there would be more happy families and less divorce.

Who said you have to leave your kids to put your spouse first?
I never have and have been married 22 years, happily.

Sorry but going on an adult vacation is completely different than family vacation. Going out to dinner after 7pm, sex in a hotel room, going out dancing until 2am, sleeping in. Those are all things I can’t do with my toddlers in tow. I really do feel connected to dh after getting away. Married happily 13 years.

13 years lol.
Maybe I’m more mature. I don't really dance or stay out until 2am.
I can go to dinner, have sex and be home for the kids that night without leaving my kids for days.

And sex with toddlers around is much easier then teens. Start coping now.

I think women like you are truly insecure their DH will leave them for another woman.