Would you travel without your kid the first week of Kindergarten?

[Anonymous]

It depends. The Thursday before Labor Day is the day you tour the school, attend a new family orientation, and meet the teachers (Sneak Peek). Then school starts the Tues after Labor Day. If the grandparents are part of child’s daily life already (so their style of care and being in your house isn’t a huge transition in and of itself) AND you won’t miss both Sneak Peek and the first day (just one of those), then it’s fine. Personally I think attending Sneak Peek is more important than being there for the first day. My only (somewhat silly) hesitation about missing the first day would be missing photo opps and seeing him get on the bus for the first time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why don’t you just fly back on Monday?

And miss the fun?

[Anonymous]

No, but then my friends have never, and will never be, as important as my children.

I think that if the grandparents are responsible, there is nothing wrong with you traveling to your friend's birthday and leaving your child in their care.

[Anonymous]

I would go, but I would also be back a day ahead of school starting. It’s a long way to travel for a short trip though… It might be better off to decline and catch up with everyone the next round. Kindergarten is a big deal, a 40th birthday is less impressive once you’re on the other side of it. I wouldn’t let a social situation load my experience with my kid.

[Anonymous]

UH, nope! Not with your kid starting K, which is a huge transition. WTF?

ONE of you can go, but not both.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our best friend is planning a 40th birthday trip to California Labor Day 2020. They’re renting a house and need a headcount ASAP. We really want to go- we love this group of friends and have been close since high school and have stayed close despite being spread out over the country, through deaths, divorces, and illness, all of which makes celebrating milestones like this even more special.

BUT—Our DS (our only kid) will be starting Kindergarten around that time. MCPS hasn’t announced 2020 start dates yet, but would presumably be Sept 8, the Tuesday after Labor Day. Grandparents could watch him while we’re gone. It would be a 4 or 5 day trip thurs or fri to mon.

Would you commit to go on this trip? Does your answer change if school starts Aug 31 vs Sept 8?

one of you go, one of you stay. #adulting

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:UH, nope! Not with your kid starting K, which is a huge transition. WTF?

ONE of you can go, but not both.

Agree. Be there for your kid. A 40th birthday is not a big deal and you will be able to see these friends another time. Also, asking you to commit a year in advance for a birthday is insane and so high maintenance.

[Anonymous]

I would just go for three nights max and be home in time for first day. I love friend gatherings but 2 nights is enough, since having kids anyway.

[Anonymous]

I think you should do you. If you think kid and grandparents can handle it, go for it. Different families prioritize different events. If I had to travel for work or a major milestone on a first day of school, I would do it. But I would personally not miss Halloween or a birthday. Others make different choices. We can’t be there for everything. Decide what matters to your family and consistently uphold it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd send the person who is closest to the birthday celebrant.

But really - you do need to start adjusting your social lives. A 40th birthday is not really something to prioritize in terms of time and money. Is everyone in your group going to now expect to have destination 40th birthdays everyone attends??

It might be different if the party was for a single friend who had showed up for all the showers and weddings. Then I think I would make the effort.

I posted earlier that I wouldn't go, but it really comes down to this. That's way too high maintenance a friend for me. We have close friends in various circles, and at some point, we've matured out of these kinds of things.

How sad for you and your friends. We definitely still celebrate birthdays, especially milestone ones. It's a great excuse to get friends together at a beach house, which sounds like tons of fun to me!

Why? We still get together often and have a great time doing it, birthdays, etc. The dads all have a two yearly guys weekends, the moms have more regular nights out, etc. We just pay attention to the basics of timing and our other life commitments. It's possible to enjoy life and celebrate milestones in a manner that also lets you be there for major milestones for your kid (and starting K absolutely is one).

You realize you're speaking out of both sides of your mouth, yes? You said you've "matured out of these things" and then you said you still get together... So which is it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly I don’t have friends who like celebrating themselves in over the top ways, but it sounds like this is normal for your group. If so, your son probably won’t be upset by it, assuming you make time for this kind of stuff regularly. My kids would have thought it was strange, but mostly because it would not have come up, and they aren’t used to both of us leaving for the weekend anyway.

So you and your husband never go away together?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:First week of kindergarten?

For me, no way, but it depends on the kid, relationship with grandparents, etc.

I have friends whose parents are local so the grandparents have already been highly involved in day care or preschool pickup. Mine aren't and I wouldn't put it on them to manage the first week of kindergarten.

Sorry this sounds judgy, but I just could not see my way to this - I'd feel guilty and how will your son feel when every other kid is personally handed off by mom and dad and your on a birthday trip for a friend.

Seriously? So you think no other parents maybe have to work that morning? Or perhaps are deployed? Or perhaps are at home with an infant? You think every kid is going to arrive at their first day of K in a golden carriage driven by both their parents? What kind of world do you live in?

[Anonymous]

MCPS sets the schedule sometime in the fall. I can’t imagine a start date after Labor Day, given it is Sept 7th next year. I would personally rsvp and commit yes. If for some reason the 8th is the first day of school, then I’d come back a bit early.
As a parent of older kids, I wish I would have nurtured some friendships more. Nothing to be guilty about.

[Anonymous]

I would commit to trip and pay my share of the house. I would book my flights depending on school dates. Closer spouse goes longer or just fly back sooner.

I would go for at least part of the trip.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First week of kindergarten?

For me, no way, but it depends on the kid, relationship with grandparents, etc.

I have friends whose parents are local so the grandparents have already been highly involved in day care or preschool pickup. Mine aren't and I wouldn't put it on them to manage the first week of kindergarten.

Sorry this sounds judgy, but I just could not see my way to this - I'd feel guilty and how will your son feel when every other kid is personally handed off by mom and dad and your on a birthday trip for a friend.

Seriously? So you think no other parents maybe have to work that morning? Or perhaps are deployed? Or perhaps are at home with an infant? You think every kid is going to arrive at their first day of K in a golden carriage driven by both their parents? What kind of world do you live in?

I think you are projecting.. If a parent has something unavoidable such as a work duty, summons or health concern that is understandable and that was not what PP was referring to. A 40th birthday party does not fall into any of those those categories