Why is the threat or punishment always “taking away electronics?”

[Anonymous]

Yes, but my kid plays games with our Google Dot, or whatever. No screen. I imagine you could do the same with Alexa.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Still laughing about the mini M&M!

Yup!!

[Anonymous]

When your kids are older, taking away the phone is today's equivalent of grounding them by taking away the car keys (and, in fact, they need the phone to drive the Tesla, so it is literally the same thing, but worse for them).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Yes, I’m a parent— kids in elementary.

So what I’m gleaning is:

-The idea is to take away the thing that is most valuable to the kid, and this is effective in stopping undesirable behavior.
-Electronics are the thing that is most valuable to the vast majority of children, or at least children whose parents post here.
-Also possibly electronics are a thing that parents feel ambivalent about (mentions of addiction) and so are easier for parents to feel good about taking away.

Do I get it?

I think this is doing a lot of work. If your kid loves reading more than anything, you're not going to feel great about taking away books, even if that's the thing that is most valuable to them. But electronics? I'd say that many parents wish their kids spent less time on them, but for whatever reason don't want to restrict their usage directly. But taking them away as a punishment is a way to indirectly control their overall use.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you want kids to learn self control and self motivation, the consequence needs to be natural or at least logical. Ie: related to the behavior. Taking away iPad for hitting brother is neither.

Has no one here read a parenting book?

Shocker, isn't it?

How did anyone ever raise their kids without books to tell them how??

Please tell how you would handle one kid hitting another? Step by step so we can all be more knowledgeable.

If my kid hit his brother over something to do with the iPad, damn straight I'm taking the iPad away.

Sounds like a spanking is in order then...

So you hit a kid as a punishment for hitting a kid? I hope you realize how stupid that is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What works better for you, OP?

Assigning extra chores.

They get their toys/electronics/rides/etc AFTER said chores are completed. Then at least my house gets vacuumed, dishes get done, etc when my kids misbehave. It may sound silly, but this goes a long way in helping me stay calm and collected in difficult situations.

Also, I never threaten anything I’m not prepared to follow through on. My kids 100% know I mean it when I say something. This is the most important thing. I see parents yelling, threatening all sorts of things and their kids still don’t listen. Of course not! They threatened to leave and and are still screaming 20 minutes later - of course their kids don’t take them seriously. Taking away screens is the next easiest option.

Above is not OP, but I am OP.

Honestly don’t want to say what we do because I will be roasted, as is very OP on DCUM. It’s not taking away electronics because they don’t have any.

So you spank your kids, am I right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find it funny how many people will use the term consequences to avoid the term punishments and then acknowledge that the point of a “consequence” is to purposefully inflict some degree of distress or discomfort.

Not really. For example, you didn't do your homework? Ok, there may be some consequence, likely in the form of your grade, teacher's displeasure, whatever. I'm not going to impose some punishment of taking away your screen time after the fact. Now if it becomes a habit maybe you don't get screen time until you earn it by doing you homework.

Well, sure, sometimes consequences are natural or at least not imposed by a parent. But there are lots of parents who use the term consequences for punishments they impose, I guess because consequences makes it sound more like the child chose it (see also “you’re not making good choices, so [I’m going to punish you with...]”) or absolves the parent of responsibility, at least semantically. Kind of conflating punishments with natural consequences, as if they were automatic and unavoidable.

"You threw a fit when I told you to put the tablet away and set the table. Therefore you do not get to use the tablet before dinner for the rest of the week."

"You've been watching youtube videos that I've told you not to. Therefore you are not allowed to have the tablet for the rest of the week."

Sometimes taking away electronics is the consequence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When your kids are older, taking away the phone is today's equivalent of grounding them by taking away the car keys (and, in fact, they need the phone to drive the Tesla, so it is literally the same thing, but worse for them).

We literally call it grounding in our house.

[Anonymous]

Our iPad is currently sitting on the top of our fridge due to child meltdown.

My 4 year old kept getting creative at finding the hiding places after losing privileges.

I feel totally unempowered as a parent. There are very little consequences that actually make an impact. It’s dessert or iPad. I remember “go to your room” as a punishment now she just runs out. Time outs are passé.. it’s not like I’m keeping them home from school or camp. Obviously no food denial/issues (think Mommy dearest steak scene) or physical punishment.

My 4 year old could give 2 sh@&ts about anything... take away toy, meltdown -why I have 59 more to play with nbd.

[Anonymous]

This is not new. I was a teenager in the late 80s, and I remember my parents removing the landline phone (LOL) that was plugged in in my room when I got a bad grade or came home too late or whatever.

It's about the currency. My phone is what I liked best, so it made sense to remove it. Now, it's the iPad or the iPhone or whatever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you want kids to learn self control and self motivation, the consequence needs to be natural or at least logical. Ie: related to the behavior. Taking away iPad for hitting brother is neither.

Has no one here read a parenting book?

What is the logical consequence of hitting? Asking seriously. Time out?

[Anonymous]

I'm OK with spanking. I've used it judiciously and with much success. It's also over quickly, and you're not managing who's lost what until when.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What works better for you, OP?

Assigning extra chores.

They get their toys/electronics/rides/etc AFTER said chores are completed. Then at least my house gets vacuumed, dishes get done, etc when my kids misbehave. It may sound silly, but this goes a long way in helping me stay calm and collected in difficult situations.

Also, I never threaten anything I’m not prepared to follow through on. My kids 100% know I mean it when I say something. This is the most important thing. I see parents yelling, threatening all sorts of things and their kids still don’t listen. Of course not! They threatened to leave and and are still screaming 20 minutes later - of course their kids don’t take them seriously. Taking away screens is the next easiest option.

Above is not OP, but I am OP.

Honestly don’t want to say what we do because I will be roasted, as is very OP on DCUM. It’s not taking away electronics because they don’t have any.

So you spank your kids, am I right?

OP probaby uses the spicy spoon -- a spoon filled with hot sauce -- as punishment.

I know a family who did that to their kids. The poor kids. They are not right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When your kids are older, taking away the phone is today's equivalent of grounding them by taking away the car keys (and, in fact, they need the phone to drive the Tesla, so it is literally the same thing, but worse for them).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm OK with spanking. I've used it judiciously and with much success. It's also over quickly, and you're not managing who's lost what until when.

The actual spanking may be over quickly. The emotional scars will last for their lifetime. But you don't care about that.