whats the benefit of kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:interesting that people use the argument that they will take care of you when you are old... lots of people on here were just saying on another thread that you dont owe aging parents anything. How many of you all take care of your aging parents? Lots of ppl use nursing homes and don't actually follow through with this.

But most people who put their parents in nursing homes, are still keeping tabs on how they're doing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It cost me $50k to get pregnant twice and daycare will soon cost us $40k a year. The joys of parenting are priceless, however, and I would do it again in a heartbeat.

Your kids are too young for you to give useful input to this conversation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have been kind of surprised at how unenjoyable large parts of the having kids enterprise has been.

On an UMC income, you can often end up with precious little left over for any kind of enjoyment luxuries once you have coughed up for what is not expected for UMC kids -- music lessons, extensive SAT tutoring, test prep; daycare; sports lessons, daycamps, more tutors, driving lessons, orthodontics, etc. It's entirely possible to be UMC and still live in a tiny house and drive old cars while saving all your money for college.

It seems like the only way around that is to only have one child.

I also was simply not prepared for the fact that today expectations are that you will be "on" all the time with your kids, that you have to go over every homework assignment, stay at the music lesson with them, know all the kids' friends, be at the elementary school seemingly all the time volunteering, that you will use up all your leave some years just staying home with sick kids and volunteering at school with no time left over for a vacation. (In other words, parenting seems like a lot more fun in Europe than it does in the US what with maternity leave, generous summer vacations and a lot less parental input into the schools.)

I also didn't expect it would feel so damned lonely. If your kids are doing well at something -- music, athletics, school -- you may find that you are therefore surrounded by competimommies who want to race your musician against theirs, your athlete against theirs. Not a lot of real true friendship there. If your kid has issues, people will avoid you.

I've been amazed at how stressful parenting is in this environment, how lonely it is and how expensive it is. It is not at all what I envisioned. The kids are great but all the other stuff kinda sucks.

To be honest, a large part of what you described is your own choices. I don't monitor homework past 1st grade. I don't volunteer in school ever. Most of my friends are mothers of my kids' friends and if our kids are in the same school/music/sports, it's a great bonding foundation. Without them, I'd be lonely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you are either on the autism spectrum, a troll, or have a personality disorder.

[Anonymous]

Kids are not, by and large, useful to parents. Parents are useful to kids.

In exchange, you get the advantages of not beeing a selfish asshole, and the human race continues on to do interesting things. Create things and see what your kids create.

[Anonymous]

I think the teen years can be very challenging; don't be bullied into spending/doing things you don't want to do so you won't be resentful.

I have two grown children, who were indeed very expensive to raise (many expensive activities, hobbies, sports, college, weddings, and help with their DP's on their homes). But much of that was our choice to give them the best experiences we could on our MC/UMC incomes. Our lives have been more interesting, exciting, and happier because of them. There are times when I wish there were children, but at the time, we had our hands full financially and otherwise. Both "launched" according to plan, married, are productive members of society. Will they "take care" of me in my old age? Possibly if there is a need, but they are paying taxes, adding to the SS fund, and having children of their own who are a joy to spend time with. For now, that's enough of a reward.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:None. We are DINKS. Love it. We get to live 100% debt free. Will retire abroad at 51. Kids drain your bank account and savings. How many people in this region are overstretching on their mortgage payments just so they can send to their kids to the GOOD schools in MoCo rather than the ones in say Wheaton or Hyattsville? If you don't have kids you can give 0 craps about schools and having to overpay for a home. 'I don't want to die alone!' .....meh. Bad excuse. I actually DO want to die alone and in peace. Everyone thinks kids are fantastic. I've known families in this area who make close to $1 million per year who have given their kids every single opportunity in the book, yet the devolve into losers who sling drugs and end up robbing banks. There is no guarantee at all that if you have a kid that and raise them right with opportunity that they'll still turn out OK.

Too much risk. I love being a DINK with 0 debt and only have to worry about myself.

Good for you but i question why you answering a question on a parenting board then. Op has the kids already so it is a moot point.

Btw, you should care about education because you want the kids who are going to take care of you and society to be well educated and productive members of society.

Look at europe with the high unemployment. You may be doinv well but in unless you ate living on a seculed island others will affect your life

[Anonymous]

That fact that I LOVE them and they LOVE me is the benefit. I didn't chose to have kids for any other reason. What would life be without love?

OP, teens and young adults can be extremely self-centered. Wait and they will become more attentive as they mature.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They are a giant financial sink hole with no upside.
I've had three and all are teenagers now. They are total jerks and act like they know it all. The oldest is heading to college next year so even when they turn 18 they are not off the books.
Without kids my net worth would be a lot more.

I love them but they are not useful to me. I was researching state law recently and ran across a few sections that discussed a parent legal right to all earned income of their children. It got me thinking that once children worked and contributed to the household. Any more they just suck up resources and provide absolutely no benefit to anyone.

My wife says they are going to help us when we are old. I calculated it up and if I had invested all the money spent on kids there would be more than enough to pay for high quality elder care. I think that might have worked out better than expecting children not to move away and show up once a week to see if we fell down a broke a hip.

You need therapy.

Plus 1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:None. We are DINKS. Love it. We get to live 100% debt free. Will retire abroad at 51. Kids drain your bank account and savings. How many people in this region are overstretching on their mortgage payments just so they can send to their kids to the GOOD schools in MoCo rather than the ones in say Wheaton or Hyattsville? If you don't have kids you can give 0 craps about schools and having to overpay for a home. 'I don't want to die alone!' .....meh. Bad excuse. I actually DO want to die alone and in peace. Everyone thinks kids are fantastic. I've known families in this area who make close to $1 million per year who have given their kids every single opportunity in the book, yet the devolve into losers who sling drugs and end up robbing banks. There is no guarantee at all that if you have a kid that and raise them right with opportunity that they'll still turn out OK.

Too much risk. I love being a DINK with 0 debt and only have to worry about myself.

Good for you but i question why you answering a question on a parenting board then. Op has the kids already so it is a moot point.

Btw, you should care about education because you want the kids who are going to take care of you and society to be well educated and productive members of society.

Look at europe with the high unemployment. You may be doinv well but in unless you ate living on a seculed island others will affect your life

The US already has the world's best universities. I don't think that just because the PP doesn't want kids, that she or he is dooming society. Get over yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:interesting that people use the argument that they will take care of you when you are old... lots of people on here were just saying on another thread that you dont owe aging parents anything. How many of you all take care of your aging parents? Lots of ppl use nursing homes and don't actually follow through with this.

But most people who put their parents in nursing homes, are still keeping tabs on how they're doing.

Big deal. So people should just have kids to have someone to check on them in a home? Why not work on maintaining mobility and lucidity into old age?