Please remove shoes sign- Rude?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The rudeness or discomfort comes from when someone is not prepared to take thier shoes off. I have problems with my feet, so wearing slippery socks on a bare wood floor is a problem. I would be uncomfortable the entire time I was in your house. My husband never goes shoeless, so he is very uncomfortable if asked to take off his shoes.

I also hate it when I come to pick up my kid at these houses and I have to decide whether to untie my shoes and take them off, or stand awkardky at the door. If I know the people well enough, I can remember to wear shoes that slip off.

Providing slippers or socks with grippers would help, but if you are really worried about being impolite, only ask people who know the rule beforehand (so they can chose to wear socks and shoes that work). Even then, yes, some of your guests are going to be very uncomfortable

I think some discomfort also comes from how differently I was raised. I was taught that a good guest never removes thier shoes.

Were you taught spelling? You've misspelled "their" twice now.

[Anonymous]

Nothing wrong with it at all. Pinterest has a bunch of cute signs. We may make one for our home as well (non-Asian incase that matters). We just prefer no shoes in the house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I am half European and half Asian. When i was a child, my European mother's family used to consider it the height of rudeness to remove shoes, but our close relatives got used to it. We never asked it of our older, more conservative family members.

I would hope that now it's a more accepted lifestyle. I married into an Asian family and we always politely request that guests remove their shoes, except for large indoor-outdoor parties where everyone stays in their shoes and we mop up afterward.

What? The Europeans I know and visit regularly (both in the U.S. and in Europe) ALWAYS remove their shoes in the house.

Please read my post.

This was not the case a few decades ago, and older generations still don't like it.

And having lived in various European countries most of my life (France, UK and Germany), I think I know more Europeans than you.

Doubtful. I don't know what kind of Europeans you hang out with, but they must not have very good manners. Most Europeans with nice, big homes are strictly shoes off.

NP here. I'm a European, married to one. We don't have guests remove shoes in the house, because it is considered rude. It has nothing to do with "nice, big homes", but if you feel that is a measuring stick, we both come from quite educated and well off families in two different countries. Children are asked to remove shoes, not adults--although close friends may, and are given house slippers. I'm German, FWIW, and my husband is Danish. We have also lived in France and the UK, and he has lived in Spain.

I lived in Japan as a child were removing one's shoes was obviously the norm. Nowhere else, though, in my experience.

It would strike me as extremely rude here in the US to request that an adult remove their shoes, unless you know them very well. I would likely just politely refuse to enter, depending on the situation.

Hrm. How would you refuse to enter, politely? No snark, seriously curious. "Sorry, Judy, since you're a shoe-free household, and I refuse to remove my shoes, I'll just sit out this party?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This “no shoes” trend seems weird to me. Why not require someone to change into a robe when entering your home? After all, clothes carry germs too and people will be sitting on your furniture?

Most US- born Americans I know don’t do the “no shoes” thing.

We do "no shoes" for ourselves, but don't ask guests to do so.

I'm US-born American, not of Asian ancestry, and we've always done it. My husband's family too. We're not militant about it -- if I've already laced up my shoes and I forgot something upstairs, I run up to get it. But as soon as I come in the door, shoes are off. We have a shoe cabinet and a stool by the front door. No one has ever questioned it and most people I know, of all races, have the same policy. I am 37.

[Anonymous]

German lady, you can't be for real. All Europeans I know think that wearing sneakers in your home is this godawful American habit that should die. In fact, I haven't had a guest NOT offer to remove their shoes, especially after they see the barrage of our shoes in the mudroom. We run around the house barefoot and in slippers, and I'm not about to wash the floors each time someone steps in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Hrm. How would you refuse to enter, politely? No snark, seriously curious. "Sorry, Judy, since you're a shoe-free household, and I refuse to remove my shoes, I'll just sit out this party?"

Not the PP, but I'd just say, "Sorry, I didn't understand from the invitation that shoes were forbidden. But your house, your rules, right? Anyway, I wouldn't be comfortable without shoes, so I'll just be off. Have fun!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Hrm. How would you refuse to enter, politely? No snark, seriously curious. "Sorry, Judy, since you're a shoe-free household, and I refuse to remove my shoes, I'll just sit out this party?"

Not the PP, but I'd just say, "Sorry, I didn't understand from the invitation that shoes were forbidden. But your house, your rules, right? Anyway, I wouldn't be comfortable without shoes, so I'll just be off. Have fun!"

You can certainly do that. But don't kid yourself that it's either polite or excusable. You'll never be invited to that place again, that's for sure.

Who are you people who can't bear to remove their shoes for 2 hours? I don't get it.

[Anonymous]

Non-Asian family here. We don't have a hard-and-fast no-shoes rule, but I feel like almost all of our friends (esp. ones with kids) automatically ditch shoes at the door. I honestly can't imagine anyone in real, offline life being offended by the request. I do think a bench or stool by the door is a nice accommodation if you can swing it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Hrm. How would you refuse to enter, politely? No snark, seriously curious. "Sorry, Judy, since you're a shoe-free household, and I refuse to remove my shoes, I'll just sit out this party?"

Not the PP, but I'd just say, "Sorry, I didn't understand from the invitation that shoes were forbidden. But your house, your rules, right? Anyway, I wouldn't be comfortable without shoes, so I'll just be off. Have fun!"

You can certainly do that. But don't kid yourself that it's either polite or excusable. You'll never be invited to that place again, that's for sure.

Who are you people who can't bear to remove their shoes for 2 hours? I don't get it.

Why would someone who needs to wear shoes care about not being invited back to a place where they can't? And why is it ruder to pass on an invitation you don't want than to demand someone accept its terms (and fully disclose what those terms are at the time the invitation is issues)?

I think this is the great divide: Do hosts owe their guests the accommodation of mopping the floors after the guests leave, or do guests owe their hosts the accommodation of being uncomfortable rather than inconveniencing the host?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This “no shoes” trend seems weird to me. Why not require someone to change into a robe when entering your home? After all, clothes carry germs too and people will be sitting on your furniture?

Most US- born Americans I know don’t do the “no shoes” thing.

Another person raised white middle-class, and my parents were definitely shoes-indoors people, assuming the shoes were dry. When my friends and I went to one another houses, we'd ask the parents if we could take our shoes off, because it was seen as a sign of informality.

My parents were raised in households with help, so maybe that's why they grew up not worrying about how to minimize housework (my mom cleaned our house herself -- I guess my parents were downwardly mobile?). But our friends are shoes-on people (or at least not mandatory shoes off), so I think it's probably more age-related (we were all born in the 60s or early 70s)

Yes!

Half Japanese here and grew up in the midwest.

We were shoeless at home, but never had guests remove their shoes. We did not go barefoot or shoeless in other people's houses, unless we were close to them or if they had new or white carpet.

It had to do with formality. Shoes off/bare feet = informal or familial. Shoes on was respectful and more formal, what you did as a guest.

I wonder if this all harkens back to the days when no shoes meant you were a destitute hick, running around barefoot. If you had shoes to wear it separated you from the poor people, so those with shoes, especially working or middle class made sure to keep them on to separate themselves from the destitute.

[Anonymous]

What a bizarre attitude. Oh germs are everywhere, so I guess you don’t care if I change my baby’s poop diaper on your bed or couch right? Just take your shoes off if that’s what they do in the host’s home. You idiots are the same people who I’m sure would be going on about racism if a white American went to a Japense home and refused to remove their shoes.

[Anonymous]

For some people, it really does feel like being asked to remove your shirt. Please just be aware that it is a horribly embarrassing feeling for some, and ask yourself if you need to force it. Most people know that shoes off is preferred, so if you have a guest who does not do so, maybe have some sympathy that they have a real reason they would prefer not to and let them keep their dignity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What a bizarre attitude. Oh germs are everywhere, so I guess you don’t care if I change my baby’s poop diaper on your bed or couch right? Just take your shoes off if that’s what they do in the host’s home. You idiots are the same people who I’m sure would be going on about racism if a white American went to a Japense home and refused to remove their shoes.

Thank you for your demonstration of your standards of etiquette!

[Anonymous]

Wow, I am shocked how many people ask guests to remove their shoes!! RUDE, RUDE RUDE!!

Do you also ask them to wash their hands? God only know what they've touched and now they are in your house touching your door knobs, faucets, etc!! What about those face masks? Do you have those in a nice basket, perhaps next to the "remove your shoes" sign?

As someone up-thread stated, if you are that germ-phobic perhaps you shouldn't invite people over. Germs are everywhere. Your kids (I assume) sit or lay on the carpet or floor at friend's houses, school, etc.

So thankful I don't have any friends like this!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, I am shocked how many people ask guests to remove their shoes!! RUDE, RUDE RUDE!!

Do you also ask them to wash their hands? God only know what they've touched and now they are in your house touching your door knobs, faucets, etc!! What about those face masks? Do you have those in a nice basket, perhaps next to the "remove your shoes" sign?

As someone up-thread stated, if you are that germ-phobic perhaps you shouldn't invite people over. Germs are everywhere. Your kids (I assume) sit or lay on the carpet or floor at friend's houses, school, etc.

So thankful I don't have any friends like this!

I am not germ phobic, but I politely ask people if they wouldn’t mind removing shoes. They are free to decline. It is cultural and I also have a baby who is crawling around. It’s offensive to me if people are dismissing a cultural norm as germaphobic.